HansonGirl Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 What is the psychology behind someone who tries to hurt another person's feelings deliberately. My cousin's daughter is experiencing some bullying at her school, and I feel so powerless, and it makes me very sad because it brings back bad memories of when I was young. She thought she was going to prom with this guy she likes, and it turns out he was just "joking." she had her hopes up but now she's embarrassed. She said that during school, after he did that to her, he would try to provoke her and get a reaction out of her. He also acted as though she wanted to "fight" - like egging her on, "oh what are you going to do about it, Stacy? you gonna slap me... oh you want to slap me huh?" She said this to me with tears in her eyes because no she wasn't going to slap him, she just wanted to be away from him. I told her to forget about this cretin because soon she will be graduating, and she'll probably never see him again. yet I understand her pain, and I want to know why someone would try to hurt someone like this? what, psychologically, does this punk have to gain? Don't these kids have anything better to do? I saw a picture of the boy, and he is ok looking, not the most handsome kid i've ever seen. But seemed to have a smirk on his face in the picture. I told her that he probably doesn't get any attention from his parents - so that's why he picks on her. But seriously- I am genuinely curious about why people do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I like to think hurt people hurt others. The reason they hurt others is to gain attention and possible distraction from their own fears/insecurities/worries. It makes them feel better, moments. Some people lack empathy, and simply do not care about others. It's very, very sad. She did the right thing in walking away. It still doesn't squash her hurt, though. I'm interested to read others advice. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) I also also think that the desire to hurt others is born out of wounding. Having said that, the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. It's an essential life skill, best learned as early as possible. Edited May 30, 2016 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Awful! I also believe that bullies push others down to build themselves up because that's been their experience, maybe from a parent or older sibling. I worry about the bullies, too, although it admittedly gets harder to find empathy for them as they get older and more cruel..... She sounds very strong to have handled that situation, even though of course it was quite painful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I imagine there are many reasons people hurt others. It could be true that hurt people hurt others. Some people are sadistic - enjoy hurting others and are very good at it. Some could just be brutish - unaware they are hurting others or unaware of better ways of expressing themselves. And many other reasons. I wonder if our time would be better spent focusing on dealing with the hurt regardless of why people do what they do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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