The negativity

[seyah92]

Hello, i am currently in the 2nd month of NC from a girl who had cheated on me and then started dating the other guy. So far I have found that it is true about the more time you spend apart the less it hurts, but now my depression has been replaced with a more "passive" rage. I sometimes find myself angry, while looking back because she got nothing but the good from our relationship (gifts, attention, etc.) and even had another guy cater to her when she became bored with me, while enjoying the best of both worlds. After the breakup shes been spewing a sob story of how i abandoned her and because of that i lost many of our mutual friends and she has all this newfound attention and more guys swarming to come to her aid.

 

Meanwhile im by myself in a new state, still trying to recuperate from the financial loses from our relationship. I do find some solace in my new found solitude but it just makes me so angry how someone could do something crappy, feel no remorse and still have,all these people in that adore her. I just wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar experience like this and/or could offer any advice on how to push all those angry thoughts back.

 

Thank you for your time

[LostOnes05]

I won't really go into my story about my first girlfriend, but it is pretty similar to yours. Was lied to, lied on, cheated on, etc. The only things that really helped me were talking it out with a great friend and the gym...lots of gym time. If I wasn't at work, I was in the gym. It helped me sleep, got my appetite back, and I gained about 20 lbs of muscle. The more I pushed myself in the gym, the more I surpassed limitations I had put on myself. It was a great motivator to keep going...every weight I lifted, I got stronger. Every day I kept my routine was a day I had less time to think about what she had done to me. She cheated and left when I was at one of the lowest points in my life (deaths, etc.), despite me being there for her through thick and thin.

 

So the gym is a definite must to retrain your mind. I used all that anger in the gym so when I went home, all I could do was sleep or continue to work on my goals. There was no time for her. And deep down you'll realize that talking to her now would be like talking to a stranger. She isn't the same person...and neither are you. Best of luck man!! It's gonna hurt for a while. Take the time to heal...you either pay now or pay later, it's your choice.

[burnt]

Hi seyah,

The fact that you have made this progress in two months is a good sign. You may not think it's progress, but it actually is.

 

After a breakup, everyone goes through the stages of grief--denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The thing is, it's not a linear process. Most people bounce back and forth amongst several stages for a while before finally reaching that acceptance. And even then, out of the blue, long after letting go, a single memory can suddenly trigger pain and bring back any of the other emotions "anger" or "depression", etc.

 

Don't expect a magical solution. You are supposed to go through a lot of anger, because the relationship didn't just end, it ended with a betrayal. So, don't fight what you are feeling. Allow the emotion to permeate through your mind. You will need more than two months to let go completely.

 

But if you try to fight the unwanted emotion all it will do is fuel your existing anger and hence prologue the healing process.

[bummer]

You're angry because you know things post nc you didnt want to hear. Stay nc conpletely and you can then makeup any story you want about how the world hates her too.

 

I am a month out of being dumped and broke nc to find out she found a guy a week ago. Terrible news. She also manipulated her breaking up with me as my fault, me abandoning, me being unavailable. she fell out of love snd cheated and probably everyone she knows is happy she is happy again and out of our toxic pile of trash relationship. At least, thats the sob story she likely uses to nullify her guilt for everything.

 

Good work with the gym and friend. Good luck feeling better about all the money you blew on her. I think anger is fine if it keeps you from ever getting screwed in love like that again. Just take more time.

[SixxChick]

Meanwhile im by myself in a new state, still trying to recuperate from the financial loses from our relationship. I do find some solace in my new found solitude but it just makes me so angry how someone could do something crappy, feel no remorse and still have,all these people in that adore her. I just wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar experience like this and/or could offer any advice on how to push all those angry thoughts back.

 

I'm coming from a female point of view. When I look back on it, I was just a sugar momma. I had known this guy from over ten years ago from when he married one of my law school colleagues. Fast forward, I hired him for a job. I asked about my law school colleague and he told me he was getting a divorce, and one thing lead to another. He sunk into a depression and his business was seriously flailing. Despite ALL of the advice from ALL of my friends, I took him in when he lost his house and had nowhere to go because I had faith in him. I know, I know. I need a new optometrist because those rose colored glassed majorly caused me to miss a gazillion red flags about this fiasco of a person. And I learned that you shouldn't expect to get serious with anyone coming right off of a divorce. Duh.

 

Also, he has found a few women who adore him on the internet, so I had to cut off that knowledge by blocking everything. It really was quite sickening. Let them subsidize his lifestyle.

 

Anyway ... yes, I can relate. Thanks for posting.

 

Peace.

 

P.S. I have strong-armed him into paying me back. It flies in the face of NC, and he kicked and screamed. But I get my monthly payment every month.

Edited May 29, 2016 by SixxChick

[seyah92]

Thnx lostones i really appreciate it. I have started to get back into lifting and youre completely right! Theres no time to feel like crap when your body is sore lol. I also appreciate everyone else's comments and advice, its really going to help keep me motivated as i move forward and shows how much kindness is in the world.

Edited May 29, 2016 by seyah92

[Satu]

Anger is a normal stage in the grieving process.

 

Just let it roll.