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I don't miss her as a girlfriend...I just miss her.


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 22nd February 2005, 2:52 AM   #1
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I don't miss her as a girlfriend...I just miss her.

I suppose I'm just ranting here...

A while back I made a thread stating that I was happily over my ex-gf who broke up with me a little over a month ago. Things haven't changed, for the most part. I'm surviving quite well. I haven't really had any relapses or breakdowns, thankfully...but something else has been weighing heavy on my heart for the past few days. I miss us knowing each other. I've come to terms with the fact that we aren't a couple anymore. I'm no longer going through "affection withdrawl", the sudden lack of getting laid doesnt suck as much now, and the thought of her seeing someone else in the future doesn't feel like a dagger in my chest anymore. At best it doesn't bother me at all, at worst, it's a weak and dull ache. But I honestly miss her friendship.

There's a large part of me that wishes we could still hang out with each other, talk on the phone, and just chatter on about life and our work(we're art students) like we used to. For the short time we went out, we grew pretty close and I really enjoyed talking to her, aside from being attracted. But there's another part of me that's convinced that trying to maintain the friendship right now(if ever) would only hurt me in the end, and I need to wait until I'm 100% sure she's out of my system. I doubt it's happened completely in just a month, even though we only dated for four. But I still miss her. I know it's just part of the deal when you get involved with someone, but it still sucks. We weren't friends before we started dating, so it stands to reason that things should just be "going back to normal"...but it sucks nonetheless.

I've been maintaining NC very well. I don't call her, IM her, or try and visit. The only times I see her are on the relatively rare occasions we cross paths in school. We exchange pleasantries and then part ways. I suppose the thing that hurts is that she's done the same. She hasn't made contact with me at ALL since we broke up. Any time we talked, I was the one to contact her. I didn't keep it up for long. We broke up with no ill will towards one another, and I still remember her tearfully pleading for me not to disappear from her life completely... yet despite her request she's pretty much vanished. It's painful to think that after being so close to me for these few months, she could have no problem at all with not speaking to me anymore. I suppose it's natural to want to know you're missed in some respect. I feel tricked in some way. I was flattered that she seemed to still want me to be her friend, even though I knew that I had to withdraw for a while regardless, for my own sake. The part that hurts it that she hasn't made any attempt to contact me. So in that way I feel tricked...

I consider contacting her...then realize it would be a bad idea. If she wanted to talk to me, she knows how to get in touch. I don't want to be some cliche ex-bf, constantly trying to be a part of her life, when I'm not wanted there in any capacity. It would just make things awkward... Then I wonder if she's thinking the same things I am. If she's trying to spare me some pain and doing the same dance I am...My mind keeps going back and forth and it just makes this dull sadness in my chest. I wonder if it will feel right at ANY point to try and be friends.

I don't really want her as a girlfriend anymore...but not knowing her at all just hurts. :/
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Old 22nd February 2005, 4:28 AM   #2
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I hear ya man. I'm experiencing the same thing.. It sucks huh.. Losing a friend, wondering if they're feeling the same way or not. Wondering how long its going to take until you are over them and then if a friendship will ever even develope again.

For me some days are better than others, but today isn't one of the better days for me.

It's just the way things go. You can't really do anything about it but move on.
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Old 22nd February 2005, 4:37 AM   #3
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We all have people we miss. If we didn't we wouldn't be human. But hun, just keep in mind that the perfect girl is still out their waiting for you
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Old 22nd February 2005, 4:45 AM   #4
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Boyfriend, of two years, and i had a good breakup...

i moved interstate and we still talk on the phone all the time. he's my best friend

now that you are over her as a girlfriend.. you could approach her as a friend?
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Old 22nd February 2005, 4:57 AM   #5
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I know how you feel also, wondering and dealing with the same issues. I really miss talking to her but I know we can't or the bad feelings start all over again, want she did to me I can never forgive her for and should not want anything to do with her either BUT the feelings are still there.

What makes it worse is knowing we will never be together again no matter how much either of us wants it, she went way to far to EVER make things right again and that just hurts knowing that.

What I can't understand for the life of me is how you can be with someone for 3 years and leave little notes saying "I love you" (she did that) all the time and just being truly happy with me and a 2 weeks later won't call me or even talk to me and I did nothing wrong except catch her cheating on me, I guess its something I will never understand.....EVER.

Its been almost 2 months and I feel no better then I did the day it happened, she WAS the love of my life. And will never be in my life again.


I often wonder how she really feels and if anything even bothers her at all or even misses me at all. Dam feeling like **** all over again.
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Old 22nd February 2005, 3:29 PM   #6
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Quote:
We all have people we miss.
Very true...And it's okay to think about them once in a while...But keeping intouch isn't a good thing because even though you don't want her as a girlfriend, the friend thing will make your heart ache more for her...Become emotionally attached again.

I thought of somebody yesterday I really deeply cared for and I don't know why they popped into my head. I got sad and actually cried!! I DO miss him, but he's not part of my life, he's my past. There is no point of us keeping intouch because we're both married and it will just bring up old feelings. It ended well, and I always will respect him and a part of him will always be in my heart.

That is what you have to do with this girl and wish her all the happiness in the world...Even if you can't be part of it.
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