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Yo guys help me out I really need someone to reach out to me. Please, Please,Pleas

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 28th January 2005, 7:03 PM   #1
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Unhappy Yo guys help me out I really need someone to reach out to me. Please, Please,Pleas

Help this newbie
It's been 7 days of NC for both of us. She basically said that I didn't have enough time for her. We became a couple back in Sept 03. It's funny how she said I didn't have enough time for her. All I did was pick her everyday at 5am drop her to school picked her after school spent time with her. Had lunch everyday with her. Took her to movies whenever I could. For the Summer 04 we went everywhere theme parks you name it. She even decided to enroll in the same university as I go and moved into the dorms. I visisted her most of the time like everyday, somedays were short other days were long. Her dad told her I was marriage material that I was a keeper. I was her first in everything. She even decided to take birth control pills for both us.
Her past has not been all that great, used live with her mom and step dad who i used to hear them arguing over phone calling the cops on each other When I would talk to her.

She said, "I was the best thing that ever came into her life", I felt the same way.
We had our arguments like any other couple but reconciled fast. Unfortunately this month has been the month that would end our relationship. Is so happened that I got in a car accident, my car broke down, had to help my parents with our home based business which made a harder to see her but it was only a 2 two week thing out of the whole month of Jan 05 that I was totally busy. She would call telling me how she loved me and cant wait to see me just once a week, I never had time for her, and plus i have to lie to my parents about her due to the fact we were caught in my house by my parents. At first she was nervous but after she really didn't care. Whe would laugh about this situation. I told her that I love her and I would do anything just to see her. We talked about marriage and getting a place of our own and not worry about anyone intruding on us. She also said that I better marry her like in two or three years in a joking manner. Strangers would ask us how long have you guys been dating, we both on most ocassion would say the same thing as the same time which I thought was special.
I told her it was kind of selfish about how she was feeling about the busy stuff"big mistake" right?

The next day after talking for hours the day before. She called me left me a message on my cell that right now I was not ready for a relationship, the issue about mom, many different issues that we resolved over the past year. Also said that when I am ready to call her back because she hates the thought of not knowing what could have happened between us. But I am ready I have year left to get my BA in political Science, I am planing to go to law school. I thought she was gonna be there by my side. I loved this girl so much. What hurts also is that she contradicted everything she said about breaking up, giving space she doesn't understand why people would do that if you love someone you battle it out and she walks out on me. I made the effort to see her almost everyday. We saw each other almost everyday during the school year. Monday school starts for both of us it will be her first college school day without me. I don't know why she made such an issue about time we did see each other most of the time. Eventually people have to go home and respect your parents household. I did my best to balance this out. I dont think she realized that. I tried telling her but I was stressed out that she was upset my parent were upset. I kept battleing until she call me over the phone she couldn't even tell me in person. I think we can work things out and we have.

I'ts been 7 days of no contact. was it wise for me not to contact her right after she let go of me? Should I keep it up?
should I go pick my stuff that I have in her dorm like my soccer jersey which she says she used to hug it thinking I was there?
What do you think she is thinking about?
Shoul I be the one, try to makes thing work cuz I love her but maybe she doesn't

Please, Please, Please help.

I am a Libra, and she is a jealous, stubborn, selfish, scorpio.

Last edited by jomaxfury; 28th January 2005 at 7:08 PM..
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Old 28th January 2005, 8:20 PM   #2
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she sounds kind of self-centered to me part of being in a mature relationship is understanding that sometimes, you're not always going to have time to constantly dote on the other person, but it doesn't mean that person doesn't mean any less to you. if you're not jumping high enough during a brief interlude where you've got a legit reason to be apart, can you imagine how demanding she's going to be if you guys get really serious and something like this comes up because of work or family?

It doesn't sound like you've done anything to consciously avoid her, so it's not like she's got grounds to say you don't *want* to be with her. Maybe this is her way of testing you, seeing if you'll just walk away from your responsibilities just to be with her.

not sure how to answer the no contact thing in this kind of situation, though my initial instinct is to write her a short letter explaining to her that this is real life you're living, and that sometimes one or both of you are going to have to compromise something to keep the relationship afloat. That yes, you miss her while you're apart, but sometimes being apart cannot be helped. And that SHE needs to seriously think over what a relationship means to her does it mean y'all must act clingy or demand things of each other when you feel like the other is not paying enough attention? What exactly does she expect of you, and does she plan to give the same thing back to you? Does she know what you expect of your relationship with her?

if she's making noises about the relationship not working out ... well, this is going to sound cold, but if you've got anything you prize that is in her room, I'd get it back. Otherwise, you cannot count on having access to it again.
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Old 28th January 2005, 9:13 PM   #3
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Thanks quankanne,

I think is an age thing you know, Im 24 she is 19 big age difference. She did things that I thought were just not cool. From start I was honest with her about her barely graduating high school that I did not want to participate in high school activities , she went to her prom with one of her best friends also went to a school dinner with this guy. That day at the dinner she said she would be back at 11pm she would call me during that time and received the called the next day I asked why she didn't call because another couple went to the dinner decided to go watch a movie back at his house late at night. I asked if she felt any guilt about it, she said that it was my fault for her action. But she had good intentions she never meant to hurt me. That sounded so pathetic didn't it.

Well she came crying back to me and I took her back, another type of situation but not that extreme. But I took it to the extreme I told her that I did not love her but I knew I did, I knew i hurt her so bad that was a way of me dealing with her actions. We both know that we love each other. We hurt each other to hide our feelings. Then she took me back.

But this time she made the issue about time, my parents and whatever else came to her. That incident with dinner and i hold it in i never let it go. But I know after this break I feel I could let go of the issues and work on them.

But since she dumped I dont know if I should try to contact her because she made it clear when I am ready to call her about us I always been ready, is she ready. should I called or wait if she calls.

THis Suxs big time
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Old 29th January 2005, 3:23 AM   #4
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what do you want from her? are you willing to put up with the disparity of the levels of experience between the two of you -- i.e., you're five years older, with a better idea of what you've got to do to survive, while she's more of an age where it's all hearts and flowers and romance ... and not much reality. Is she committed to this relationship near the same level as you are?

somehow, I get the feeling that this more more of a novelty kind of thing, of her dating a college boy and just only the romance of it, rather than the reality. If you pursue law school, how is she going to react? are you mentally ready to have to hold her hand everytime something doesn't go right or she needs your attention? or do you want to have a relationship where the playing field is a bit more even, with a partner who understands about sacrifice and compromise being a huge part of a relationship?

if you miss her as greatly as you do, by all means contact her ... but don't expect her to be happy about you "ignoring" her or that she is going to make things easy now that you've shown her that you are capable of putting something else in front of her, even if it's family responsibility. You guys may sincerely care for each other, but until you're on the same playing field, things aren't going to get any better than this.
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Old 29th January 2005, 11:51 AM   #5
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dude, let this girl go. She sounds high maintenance and immature. Maybe when she grows up she'll actually realize she isn't the center of the universe.

BTW she acts in a very common way with contradicting herslef and bitching about the time stuff. From what I ahve seen many young girls (late teens, early twenties) act that way.

Keep up the NC and beleive me, you do not want to be with a girl who acts like that
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