I have no idea what's going on...

[HBK3317]

It's been seven months now... I am still feeling very very sad because I can't accept the fact that she has moved on and very well might be in another relationship. I don't think about her most of the time but sometimes she will just creep in my dreams or thoughts and then everything goes downhill. I feel like a loser. I have no idea what's happening with me and how this feeling will end.

 

Sometimes I wish this were all a bad dream but I know better. I am 26 and have lost all faith in life itself. I don't know how to do this anymore. Sometimes I wish she would just come back to me and make everything worthwhile again.

 

Anyone out there who has rocks the same boat as me? Anyone who can make me look at the light at the end of the tunnel? Because frankly speaking I think I have lost all purpose in life. Please help me.

[Mr Scorpio]

Try looking at it this way: 26 is still below the average marriage age for men, at least in America where it is 29. And that is just the average. Plenty of people don't "settle down" until well into their 30s. Some folks not until their 40s.

 

This is to say that you have plenty of time to fill the void you are currently experiencing. It is okay to still feel sad at seven months. It isn't abnormal to still have reoccurring thoughts and regrets. However, try to see to it that you are at least starting to get back to working on yourself.

 

Surely you had some manner of interests, fun, and happiness before this person entered your life? Go back there. How is your career? Education? Relation with friends and family? These factors need nourishment, because even when you do find the next person, you'll need those other factors.

 

It isn't realistic -- or fair -- to expect one other person to be your everything. It isn't fair to them. It isn't fair to you.

 

Here, watch

.

[DJOkawari]

I'm 6 months out and I feel similarly sometimes. The dreams are the worst. Maybe you will relate: I used to do almost everything with my ex. Looking back, the activities we did were a bit fun but being with her really was the joy of those situations. Now that I'm single those activities have lost their allure.

 

I've taken it as a sign that I need to "find myself". I need to learn about me. What do I love to do? What is my ideal existance? What kind of things make me happy? These are all questions I can't answer. I think each person has their own method of determining the answer to these questions. Mine is trial and error. I keep a journal and I write about my "exploration" of life. Its ridiculous and pedantic but it seems to be working for me. The more I learn about myself the more confident I am that I will be happy with or without a significant other.

 

Maybe that helps?

[darkbloom]

I'm almost 6 months post BU. It just started recently where I don't think of him in the morning and I can go most of the day with him off my mind. It feels like he's floating away from me just beyond my reach. The first 5 months he was a constant presence in my mind. I couldn't escape him. I'm finally at the clarity that I coudlnt reach in the relationship. If we were truly good together and we truly made each other happy, we wouldn't have broken up. I can't say that that was the case. So I am accepting that the breakup was best for both of us.

 

I still miss that connection with him. I think you're most vulnerable at night when you dream of them. That isn't something you can will away.

 

For now, I am focusing on what I love to do. And how I treat those around me. I can't fix any of the mistakes in the old relationship. I can only change what I do in the future. And that's my goal.

[Destiny15]

My friend - are you me? But 3 years younger?!

 

I'm about 7 months out of a breakup and blame myself for the breakdown.

I haven't spoken or seen her in about 5 months but i struggle everyday to overcome whats happened. I just cannot get my head around what happened, I cant believe and all i want is for her return to my arms.

 

Does this get better? I don't know. It hasn't for me. Its got worse and i picture myself stuck in this depressive state for years. l get dark thoughts regularly as I feel like took her for granted. She's gone now and I feel a lot of regret that I didn't do enough in the relationship and it's as if I have lost the best thing that will ever happen to me.

 

She had taken a big part of my personality, i find no joy in anything and feel like a completely different person. Dont know who the fk I am or where to find happiness like I was before. It is terrifying. I just feel so alone. Positive are that I have a lot of room for improvement but feel like she is the motivation for everything. She's always on my mind, she haunts me and it weighs me down. I look back and all I see are good memories with her which causes a lot of pain. I have been seeing a physiologist and recently diagnosed with clinical depression. I would do anything to have her back in my life, i look at who I was and the life I had and it feel's like it was someone's else's!

 

 

I'm sorry I couldnt be more positive. Most people on this site seem to heal over time and move forward. I just dont feel like I'm healing naturally and dark thoughts reflect this....

 

I....dont know what the answer is brother. I'm sorry.

 

Could someone please help us?! Has anybody hit rock bottom, been totally overwhelmed months after the break ready to give up on life and recovered? Please...

Edited May 5, 2015 by Destiny15

[SLee]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I'm not as far along as you post break up. I think your feelings are natural and normal. Everyone has their own timelines.

 

For me right now, the mornings are the worst. I wake up thinking the nightmare is over and he's still there for a few happy seconds, and then it settles in and it's murder. I also dream about him a LOT. He's literally in my head and it's just depressing and annoying.

 

You're not a loser, you're hurting. Your feelings are valid and okay. Don't be ashamed of yourself. If you feel really depressed or can't function in your life due to it, consider seeking mental health care if you have access to it.

 

Right now, I'm doing things. I focus on hobbies that keep me social and take a lot of energy/concentration (theatre, sports, hiking and camping with friends) and am already filling up my summer schedule with collaborative projects and activities. I'm focussing on my education, as that was my number one priority before and during the relationship, so I'm keeping it that way.

 

I made a list of everything I didn't like about my ex, had my friends and family add to it, and add to it myself when I'm sad and miss him. Posting online helps as well as venting to people close to me who are willing to listen. When I feel low and feel like a failure, I look at another list I made (I'm a list person!) of the things I value about myself, anything and everything, whether it was a physical attribute or talents or my personality. It helps me remember that I am a human being and I'm loved and valued and it helps me to love myself again.

 

You're 26 (I'm only a few years younger than you) so you have a bright future ahead of yourself. Keep your mind pointed in that direction. You'll have good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and avoid those self-deprecating thoughts as much as possible, they're not your friend, and will only make it harder.

 

Keep focussed on your future and be patient. Allow time to do it's thing.

[HBK3317]

Thanks for the reply you guys, but I literally don't see the end to this horror show.

 

I sometimes feel what if someone takes advantage of her innocence? What if someone misuses her trust? Then sometimes it's what if I bump into her and she's with her SO? How can she be happy without me? Why is she not missing me?

 

*** me man! There are so many questions and no solid answers, only disappointment, sadness and an aching head. I can't even look at other girls without thinking of her and then I feel sad because I can't fathom holding anyone else's hands ... It's so screwed up! God help me!

 

I think I am losing my sanity, bit my bit, day by day.