Maverick27 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm not emotionally attached to her at all anymore. I don't feel anything towards her, im numb. Which is a good thing, it means my heart has begun to move on. However, my brain hasn't. I am OBSESSED with her opinion on me as a person now that we arent together. How she views me, emotionally and physically. The break up was very messy (she cheated, lied and left me for another guy). It dragged out for two months, mainly by my doing - i was on the emotional roller coaster trying to rationalise all er actions and what went wrong. Now all i can think about is that she thinks im unstable. Also, she something to me that really hurt me during the initial three weeks of the breakup. She told me that her and this new guy have a 'connection' and that i wouldnt understand. That hurt me so much, it was like she was saying that nothing we had could even compare to them. At this point, she had only been speaking to him for two weeks (after sleeping with him at a festival). Also, she said another really hurtful thing to me - she said 'I think we were just lonely and were just killing time together until someone better came along'. As i said, i am no longer emotionally involved and dont really have any romantic feelings towards her anymore, however those comments she made are haunting my already obsessive mind. I cant stop reflecting on our time together and then trying to imagine her with someone with a 'better connection'. Anyway, my question is. HOW DO YOU STOP OBSESSIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I recommend the following things....and forgive me, as I will be using my current experience to make each point. 1-Take her off a pedestal...My fav podcaster says she doesn't value opinions of people she does not respect, hold with a certain regard, etc. In other words, from what you described about her she seems like a flake and would I value an opinion from a flake? 2-Try to rationalize. I mean, sometimes we don't get a "why" someone did this/that, but it sure helps. On OLD, once in a while you actually get a response from someone instead of them blocking you and/or not replying to an attempt to see if they are interested. Like one guy recently told me he thought I was attractive, but couldn't do the age difference. He wished me well and I wished him well. Haven't heard from him again and so, I have clarity, no lingering "oh, he's checked out my profile after turning me down, is he still interested/changed his mind? So, when we get clarity, an explanation, etc....it often helps us to move on cuz we know "why" they did/do this or that. 3-The facts. This ties in to rationalizing. Gotta separate emotions. For example, anger can close your mind to be open to talking. Stop being angry and talk. Through talking you can get to the bottom of things. And the fact are the facts. For example, you can't say 'I think I saw her with another guy'...Either you saw her with a guy or a gal period. We make better decisions when we have facts vs fiction regarding a situation. 4-Last, but most important...what's going on with YOU. Like my recent situation...I grew up rejected pretty much and learned not to trust and open up my heart cuz it can get stomped on cuz of my parents... As an adult, it really hits me hard when I develop feelings and/or allow myself to open up and/or trust someone - especially with my sexual proclivities. When someone breaks and/or spits on that it may hit me harder than your average Jane cuz it's like opening up childhood wounds again and it pushes me back into my corner where I build another wall. So, ask yourself...Why do you let some flake who treated you poorly occupy space in your head? Are you trying to make up for lack of affection you had as a child? Do you think you cannot meet someone better than her? Hope this helps... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
embeu Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thank you for posting this Maverick, i have the exact same thoughts as you. Its hard not getting the answers (she did not respond when i asked her why she broke up). Looking forward to read other responses in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Anyway, my question is. HOW DO YOU STOP OBSESSIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS? By obsessing over other things: i.e. hobbies, other women, work, projects, improving life, etc. I've been there. Stuck, trying to answer "why" would she do what she did. And we were in the honeymoon phase. Completely blindsided. Took me longer than it should have to get over it because I was obsessing and not improving. You will likely never get a concrete answer to why. Why's a sunset orange? Why are boobs good? They just are. Nice post btw, Gloria. Link to post Share on other sites
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