Stay strong people x

[Lisax3]

Hi guys

 

I just wanted to give you all some insight on how no contact has worked for me. I was new to this site never had been on previous, however I am so happy I found it, reading through numerous situations and how different people deal with things was such an insight.

 

I finished with my bf 3 weeks ago ( people would consider me to be the dumper ) even though I never wanted to end it I was basically pushed away from him and he told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and didn't want to "hurt" my feelings.

 

Normally I would be trying to get back with him and try to reconcile but something changed with me that day which made me not go back there. Don't get me wrong heart broken wasn't the word, I felt like my heart had been ripped out my chest and didn't realise how I could move forward. A few days went by and I kept writing threads on here to get people's advice on how to get him back or at least understand what was going on and to understand why he hasn't contacted me since that day. Not going to lie I was hopeful but realistic.

 

People told me to do no contact not to win him back but for myself, again Id never done this before so I didn't know how I was going to cope, days got easier as they went on, concentrating on myself and understanding my role in the relationship. I got to a point where I realised I don't want him back. I'm a strong woman who knows their worth and is not going to let a man dictate my happiness.

 

Few days ago I went on social media and seen he had moved on from me already, at first a little of me died inside (which of course it would) but I thought actually good luck to the girl.

 

I'm not at the stage where I'm interested in dating to be honest all I want to do is concentrate on me myself and I. I understand that feeling we all have the heartache and the unknown and the fear of being on our own, but matter of fact no contact helps you heal, calm down and reflect why things just didn't work this time.

 

We all need to remember, having a significant other adds to your happiness not makes it. It will hurt now but you will heal, think positive and positive things will come to you.

 

Sorry how long this is thanks for taking time to read it.

 

Stay strong x

[Cupid's Puppet]

So what makes happiness? People say you have to be happy with yourself and that happiness comes from within. But what does that really mean. What do I look for within to achieve happiness? I need to know because happiness is my ultimate goal right now.

[Ruby65]

So what makes happiness? People say you have to be happy with yourself and that happiness comes from within. But what does that really mean. What do I look for within to achieve happiness? I need to know because happiness is my ultimate goal right now.

 

 

I love this post! I think about it a lot, too.

 

From what I've heard and read -- and it also rings true for me, in my own life experience, anyway -- is that happiness comes from accomplishing things that mean a great deal to you.

 

The mastery of achievement..... taking on something almost too difficult... something larger and more important than yourself.... and accomplishing it. I guess, attaining meaningful goals.

 

Where real happiness doesn't come from is simply by experiencing enjoyable activities.

 

True happiness comes from achievement -- and that's not something that comes from a relationship either, although love is certainly one of the most enjoyable experiences! But no matter how good a relationship is, it's not enough to create happiness on its own.

 

So, yeah.... it comes from within.

 

There's a wonderful book about happiness and the creative "flow" state (where you're so engrossed in an activity you lose all track of time) called "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (yeah that's a real name).

 

For a less psychological, more spiritual take on it, Deepak Chopra wrote "The Ultimate Happiness Prescription" which has I think seven practical steps to create happiness in your life.

 

Anyhow, just my thoughts! I obviously enjoy reading about such things.

 

[Light Breeze]

So what makes happiness? People say you have to be happy with yourself and that happiness comes from within. But what does that really mean. What do I look for within to achieve happiness? I need to know because happiness is my ultimate goal right now.

 

It's personal and the one that can only really answer that question is you. What I can say though, is that entrusting your happiness to the others will possibly have dire consequences.

[Jonp219]

I love this post! I think about it a lot, too.

 

From what I've heard and read -- and it also rings true for me, in my own life experience, anyway -- is that happiness comes from accomplishing things that mean a great deal to you.

 

The mastery of achievement..... taking on something almost too difficult... something larger and more important than yourself.... and accomplishing it. I guess, attaining meaningful goals.

 

Where real happiness doesn't come from is simply by experiencing enjoyable activities.

 

True happiness comes from achievement -- and that's not something that comes from a relationship either, although love is certainly one of the most enjoyable experiences! But no matter how good a relationship is, it's not enough to create happiness on its own.

 

So, yeah.... it comes from within.

 

There's a wonderful book about happiness and the creative "flow" state (where you're so engrossed in an activity you lose all track of time) called "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (yeah that's a real name).

 

For a less psychological, more spiritual take on it, Deepak Chopra wrote "The Ultimate Happiness Prescription" which has I think seven practical steps to create happiness in your life.

 

Anyhow, just my thoughts! I obviously enjoy reading about such things.

 

 

The "Flow" book sounds interesting I might check it out right now.

 

I remember having this feeling before, but it just doesn't happen that often.

[kenmore]

Lisa, thank you for your hopeful post. My experience, however, is that some days are just better than others.

 

One can't find happiness within if one is miserable. Right now I'm at work, alone. In the evenings, I relax, alone. I'm spending a lot of time alone and I don't care for it, but when I'm with others, it's just a temporary distraction anyway. Later on I'll be alone again.

 

So I feel, from my perspective anyway, that I must disagree with the general consensus here and say that I do need someone in my life to love and love me back. To me, it's just a necessity like food, though I can go without it longer.

 

I too am not ready to date yet out of consideration for my own feelings as well as any prospective woman. I will again someday, though, because I am just not happy alone.

 

Ken

[Cupid's Puppet]

Ruby, that is the same way I view happiness. Happiness and success are almost synonymous for me. That is crazy because when people ask me what my definition of success is, I say happiness. I am content when I achieve something. Failing at my relationship has brought me misery because I didn't achieve my goal...a family. So there is where we disagree.

 

You do not consider a successful relationship an achievement...I do. It is all subjective. I desire a certain status in life. For example, I like the status of employed over unemployed. I like the status of senior lead over junior engineer. Likewise, I like the status of married over single and mother over childless. What I seek to achieve is status. My desires are not wrong; they are subjective. So I am with Ken. I don't see myself ever being happy single when my desire is the opposite. I know all things come to an end, but I at least would like to experience these things.

 

I feel it was a privilege for me to have experienced a relationship as there are many who never had one and may never have one. I do not seek to minimize it by acting like it would just be a luxury for me like having air conditioning. Love is not a luxury to me; it is a necessity.

Edited March 15, 2015 by Cupid's Puppet