It's hurting like hell! I want it to be over

[HBK3317]

Damn it I am suicidal ! Everyday seems like a battle and everyday I loose. I try so hard to forget, to let go, to not think of her but I just can't. I mean most of the day I try and keep busy but it just takes one thought of her and all those memories come rushing back and then everything feels like a lost cause. And the mornings, I can't even begin telling you... I takes me around two to three hours to stop mourning and force myself out of bed its that bad!

 

I loved this girl to death and she was the centre of my universe. Everything and I mean every god damned thing I used to share with her so you can probably guess that EVERYTHING makes me remind of her. If something good happens my mind goes to her, if something bad happens my mind goes to her!

 

I do realise I have to move on, I know she won't be back, things can't be undone and thinking about her just won't bring any good but still I can't manage to forget her... And trust me that's just what I want it to be, to forget her and move on. But it's just not happening!

 

I can't take this any longer and I think I might go mad or take my own life because anything is damn better than living like this... Please if you can, suggest something.

 

Thank you

[Heatemyheart89]

Hello there

Been there and I have to say you will get over this /it will get better . Havn't got much more advice on that apart from try your best to take care of yourself . Suicide is not the answer .Time is the healer .

[Jonp219]

Damn it I am suicidal ! Everyday seems like a battle and everyday I loose. I try so hard to forget, to let go, to not think of her but I just can't. I mean most of the day I try and keep busy but it just takes one thought of her and all those memories come rushing back and then everything feels like a lost cause. And the mornings, I can't even begin telling you... I takes me around two to three hours to stop mourning and force myself out of bed its that bad!

 

I loved this girl to death and she was the centre of my universe. Everything and I mean every god damned thing I used to share with her so you can probably guess that EVERYTHING makes me remind of her. If something good happens my mind goes to her, if something bad happens my mind goes to her!

 

I do realise I have to move on, I know she won't be back, things can't be undone and thinking about her just won't bring any good but still I can't manage to forget her... And trust me that's just what I want it to be, to forget her and move on. But it's just not happening!

 

I can't take this any longer and I think I might go mad or take my own life because anything is damn better than living like this... Please if you can, suggest something.

 

Thank you

 

Brother, I completely understand where you're coming from.

 

I can't listen to the radio, every I would ride in her car the local radio stations would be playing. Every single song on the radio reminds me of her, it drives me off the wall because those are stations that my mom listens to when she's in the kitchen.

 

Hell to make matters worst, spring is coming up and the weather is getting warmer here in New York. Me and my ex use to love going to the park and talk. Now nice weather reminds me of those days, so even on "good" days I feel sad.

 

It's defiantly a struggle, but the good thing in your case is you don't have hope, I on the other hand do and that's going to **** me up later on.

 

Just hang in there brother, I know your pain.

[privategal]

Literally thousands perhaps millions are in your shoes. But your life is more valuablecthan a lost love. Every day will hurt for a good while until something finally clicks and lets your head and heart start to reconcile.

Join a support group, get antianxiety or depression meds, get suicide h p tline number by your bed, try joining a running group, or rowing, or flag football, or paint your room, rearrange the house, get new bedding, open the windows...

Every person has suffered cruel pain from a breakup and lived to tell.

You are normal. Please take it slow and easy its ok to grieve and mourn and to take it HARD.

Its ok one day at a time, the pain eventually will begin to ease up so please let your heart face it now and know time is your friend.

$! that girl!! Seriously shes not god...she is a girl.

[AaronSG]

Oh man, HBK3317 I feel you! Up to about a couple months ago, I totally felt as you currently do!

 

I can totally relate to the whole "she was the center of my world" thing, I really can. Why can I relate, because, like you, I did the same thing.

 

My story is a little odd and strange and weird, see, I meet my ex-fiancé on-line through my former on-line gaming group back in 2012, she was in Ohio and I was here in California! It all was innocent at first, just a generic on-line friendship, just another member of the group kind of a thing. But in the later part of 2012, we started to drift closer, less video game related stuff and more personal. Somehow through the awesome power of technology, we found ourselves in love!

 

Our game groups talk program was quickly dropped in favor of Skype! Like you, even through Skype I quickly started to put my ex-fiancé the center of my world. It was strange, through things like Google Earth, Google Maps, my own person photo's of my home town, I was already taking her to my favorite places around town, showing off my home town to her, my favorite park, movie theater, shopping malls, eating places, bowling alley, video arcades, you name it, I was through the power of technology taking her there.

 

For approx. 7-8 months we courted each other on-line, by that time I was madly, deeply, dripping in love and she was the center of my world for sure! Then the chance came about to have her come live with me here in California. Shortly after her arrival back on June-1-2013, I proceeded to go about actually taking her to the places that we once only visited inside the virtual world of a computer. We made it real, we made each place our own, we made each place our favorite, all the while going from place to place, or on any given day there we would be, in the car, radio playing her favorite tunes.......country styled music as usual.

 

I was just so much in love, the places around town that we built up memory's with seemed to be a piece of the support system that kept our love somewhat flourishing. The music on the radio somewhat seemed to keep a little piece of our love flourishing. The personal memory's we made inside our own home help helped keep the love going!

 

But alas, if something isn't meant to be, it's not going to last forever! So due to some problems created by myself, created by her, and her family, our relationship ended in late July of 2014, and she left and flew back to Ohio on August-3rd-2014.

 

From the very moment she left, like you, everything reminded me of her! I couldn't go to the grocery store without vivid reminders of her and days gone by. I couldn't goto a restaurant without memory's of her, the movie theater, the shopping malls, the local park, the river, Walgreens, rite aid, AM/PM mini marts, bus stops, down town, everywhere I went, there she was in my head, the memory's, the heart ache, the pain, the hurts, the anger, the frustrations, the confusions, the worry, the doubts, anything and everything had ear marks of her on it!

 

it's kind of amazing if you think about it, the whole psychology of it all, you meet this one person, this one person out of the 6 billion people on the planet. You get close to this one person, you spark up a friendship at first, then if conditions are right, you spark up the love! This one person out of the 6 billion comes into your life and quickly you make life all about them! They are the blood that pumps through your heart! They are the reason your heart beats! They are the reason you live! They are the reason you have purpose in life! Anything and everything quickly becomes all about them!

 

And for whatever reason, after this one person out of the 6 billion people on the planet leaves you, your world is turned upside down! The blood that once pumped through your heart has dried up! The reason your heart pumped it's beat is now gone! Your very reason for getting up in the mornings is now gone! Oh my God, she's gone, I have no more reasons to live, my purpose is gone! Oh yeah, let me tell you, I went through the whole damn thing! in essence I think I felt like what it feels like for a heroin addict to come off the juice!

 

What helped me get through was within a couple weeks of my ex-fiancé's departure, I joined up with a local 12 Step Codependency support group! I also around the same time found a local Life's hurts, habits and hang up's support group and joined! Through these groups I reluctantly learned how sick I was! I was shown how sick and toxic it was for me to just throw this woman, from day one right into a position of being the center of my universe! I was shown and taught how unhealthy it was for me to have allowed this woman to become my whole life. I was shown how I literally sold my soul to the devil and had freely gave up who I was, what I was all about, gave up my freedoms, my independence, my powers of choice ect. ect. ect for what, this one person!

 

So a couple months back I think after all of the lessons learned, all the teaching from my support groups, through the self help books I was reading, I think I had my own personal "break through"! Everything caught up with me, my codependent ways, what I did and how I sold my soul during my relationship, my break through showed me how sick I really am, how needy I really am, how clingy I really am, how I'm willing to sell my soul for a mire morsel of love!

 

It's a hard road to walk, the whole recovery from a lost love, it's hard, like you I was severely haunted by the memory's of her and so forth! But since a couple months back, I have been trying to re-gain my person power! I am trying my best to re-claim who I am, what I'm all about and learning that I do indeed have a purpose in life, which is not dependent upon a person outside of myself giving me that purpose!

 

So I would personally recommend perhaps looking into some local support groups that deal with codependency and breakups!

 

Also privategal gave you some real good advice.....like....

 

Joining an exercise group

painting your room

rearranging you home

Getting new bedding (me I bought a new bed all together)

 

Some other tips.....

 

Remove and or just box up any personal items that she may have left behind

 

Remove and or block her from any and or all forms of social media (if applicable)

 

Transfer any images of you and her off your computer to a portable USB flash drive. Give the drive to a friend of family member and tell them to hold onto it for approx. 1 year, then they can give it back to you if the time is right. (That's what I did)

 

After the images are on the flash drive, delete them off your hard drive

 

Remove her phone number off your contacts list on your phone

 

Remove her e-mail address off your e-mail service

 

Perhaps look into some self help books dealing with issues of self worth!

 

Perhaps look into local support groups

 

Perhaps if affordable move to a different place, new home, (that's what I did)

 

Try to eat right

 

Try to get plenty of rest and or sleep

 

Try to stay away from the music that was once your guy's music

 

Try to stay away from the movies that perhaps were once you guy's movies!

 

Change the ring tone on your cell phone

 

Ask any friend of family member that wants to excessively wants to talk about the breakup to stop......((rehashing things won't do you any good))

 

Get out of the house and take some nice long walks

 

On occasion treat yourself right, dinning, a movie, a place, whatever makes you feel good

 

Get into some sort of medical treatment, doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, life coach, medications ect. ect. ect.

 

It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for some, perhaps "find religion"

 

I wish you the best of luck, and please, keep posting here on L.S. no matter how small, or how silly, or how anything.....keep posting! We are all here for you, were here to help!

[HBK3317]

Thanks for the in depth reply Aaron. I am really trying. I am doing almost everything said by you but it just feels like a lost cause. I have deleted everything about her, No contact info, no social media, no photos. Have changed my city. Trying to eat sleep right.

 

I guess it's like Privategal said, time is the only factor now.

 

It will get over though right? I mean the breakup was all my fault so I keep on blaming myself for not getting things straight when I had the time. I will be over this yeah no matter how bad it is right now?

[KBarletta]

Thanks for the in depth reply Aaron. I am really trying. I am doing almost everything said by you but it just feels like a lost cause. I have deleted everything about her, No contact info, no social media, no photos. Have changed my city. Trying to eat sleep right.

 

I guess it's like Privategal said, time is the only factor now.

 

It will get over though right? I mean the breakup was all my fault so I keep on blaming myself for not getting things straight when I had the time. I will be over this yeah no matter how bad it is right now?

 

Yes, you will get over this. It seems right now like it's going to take forever because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. Just hang in there, take care of yourself, and treat yourself like your own best friend.

 

I know it's hard, but try not to blame yourself. Assigning blame only helps in one way: To identify the mistakes you may have made so you can fix whatever led to them and thus become a better person and a better partner in the future. Other than that, assigning blame or blaming yourself does you no good, and in fact does you harm. So think of how you can use these lessons to become a better person, then let go of the blame.

[privategal]

Yes, you will get over this. It seems right now like it's going to take forever because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. Just hang in there, take care of yourself, and treat yourself like your own best friend.

 

I know it's hard, but try not to blame yourself. Assigning blame only helps in one way: To identify the mistakes you may have made so you can fix whatever led to them and thus become a better person and a better partner in the future. Other than that, assigning blame or blaming yourself does you no good, and in fact does you harm. So think of how you can use these lessons to become a better person, then let go of the blame.

 

I agree...who cares who is to blame. She could have talked it out, met halfway, anything.

Shes an adult. Down the road I think you will see you are glad you missed out on her.

You will see she missed out on YOU.

Its so hard to think clearly in these dark times your in now.

I too moved to a new city and that's when he abandoned me and the trouble is theres no friends or support system here. Its lonely and sad to move away but I count my blessings there are no triggers or reminders here and now that Spring is starting Im gonna LIVE and go see music concerts, go to beach, make new friends...the warm weather will assist my healing SO much, I gotta believe that.

This greiving has stolen so much of my life, Im going through it cause its necessary but I know the time is coming where I see real progress and Im starting to let go. Im getting excited to see way more healing cause I know its a fight and its up to me.

Wake up and blast music that you like that doesn't remind you of your ex. Even if right now its tiny little things that's perfect. You got this!!

[lop98]

Look at my join date.

 

I was like you exactly two years ago-- he was everything for me and on top of leaving me with no real explanation, he started a relationship a week later, went official and documented it on social media for the next three months. I couldn't get my mind off it, he was in it every single second, while awake and then in my dreams, I was exhausted, I'd fall asleep till 1 am, wake up at 4 and couldn't sleep again until maybe 7 am, and couldn't get out of bed until at least an hour later, after having mourned too much. I abandoned lot of professional projects I had, lost appetite and reached the skinniest I've ever been, I couldn't even listen to music, everything reminded me of him. I was always crying, even in public places, and became an expert on wiping the tear fast so no one could tell. I never wanted to kill myself but I had this fantasy where I would take a sleeping pill and wake up in August (a month that seemed so far away) and there was no pain anymore, no more of that awful chest tightness and the storm of memories.

 

Now, first things first, I still cry over him from time to time, what happened then had a lot of irreversible consequences in both of our lives and it can't be undone and makes me sad, but I understood (after a long time) that the way he acted was also part of who he is and we wouldn't have worked out anyway... I also understood it was a loss, and maybe I will forever feel sad about that loss and the whole experience the way I feel sad about losing a relative and the way I feel sad when my minds wanders about the day I declined dining with that person who later died, and it makes you feel gutted but what's done is done.

 

Second, besides stalking online, I also researched a lot on what I was feeling, it helped too to read TaraMaiden's posts on this site. I was in physical pain and it was a traumatizing experience, there's a lot of shock involved in a BU. So I decided to treat myself as a recovering patient and focus on changing habits and be extremely strict about it, I did it by hanging myself onto all the feelings people write against of: vanity, pride... I was not gonna throw my life out the window over somebody else and become the saddest, most pathetic and overall worst version of myself just because another human being decided he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be in my life. It hurt like hell but that was not the person I aspired to be when I was young, in fact my 18 year-old self would have been rolling her eyes.

 

So I started by doing the following things, which may seem idiotic but hey, it helped me to get out of stage 1 at least:

- NC. The real contact, no 'NC but I still see his pictures cause we have friends in common'. That's bullsh*t. NC is No Contact, if you can't escape his social media, escape yourself and disable your accounts, permanently. It's scary and sounds too much but after a while you get over it and it's freedom. Also delete his contact info and maybe change number. I did this, it felt good.

- Work out and do cardio. That releases a lot of the chemicals your mind is lacking after a breakup, and it's good for the body (nothing felt better than working out out of anger every night only to realize 4 months later I had my best butt to date too ).

- Diet. Lots of chocolate and lots of water. The first one works as a bit of sugar to your life, the second is oxygen and your head needs it. Also more fruits and vegetables and less things that make you feel slow.

- I started taking showers in the night, I had done a lot of cardio and it would help me sleep better. I'd take play loud music while taking them, all new music that was good and fresh (no memories attached).

- I obliged myself to watch a comedy or funny youtube videos before going to bed, they didn't really make me laugh at first but I kept doing it anyway, and then shut it down and go to bed, don't click on anything else or let yourself wander online.

- strict sleep patterns, I'd go to bed at 11 at the latest and up by 7, like a soldier. The moment you wake up, you get out of bed, do your bed (so you don't go back in) and off to your day. No more pampering and feeling sorry for yourself.

- I wore a bracelet I had to touch and meditate with whenever I'd start to snowball and felt tempted to go online and snoop. I don't even know how to meditate and I'm not religious, sometimes I'd count, others I'd sing, others I'd just inhale and exhale...

- I went out all the time even when I didn't feel like it. Socialize at all times. Your own place can feel like the perfect cave to give in and let all the thoughts run free and wild!

- I kept having moments when I couldn't take it anymore and stopped doing all of the above and just missed him so much and felt so broken: I'd allow myself to cry hard, for 15 minutes, then you wipe it off, get yourself together and no more tributes to that person and your broken heart. When I wasn't sad and was just furious and so angry (this happened by month 3 and 4), I'd come here and write nasty letters to him in the 'post here instead of contacting your ex!' thread, that was very therapeutical. I also had to stop going there, you can't turn that thread into your diary and make that person your regular imaginary audience, it's not healthy.

- I went out on dates, I took it very slow... when I met the person that would later be my boyfriend, we didn't sleep together until the third month. There's nothing wrong with meeting new people while you are still hurting, it's okay as long as you take your time and also keep on healing yourself and don't expect that new person to put the pieces back together for you.

 

I kept doing all of that for months. I was still hurting in June, a lot less but still happening and wondering if it was ever going to go away (it does!! I promise!). August was just the way I imagined it, much much better, lighter. In December I felt nostalgic, caved in and sent merry x-mas... didn't hear from him but it felt nice to say something 'nice' to someone that had turned my year into a recovery battle and frankly, a journey of self-discovery.

 

He did come back a couple of months after that message, after a year of NC. He was so shocked that I was doing so good and had a good life in another country and a wonderful boyfriend. It didn't take him long to want me to get back with him. But I didn't want that anymore.

 

Eventually we did meet, by the way, both of our relationships ended, we got close but it just wasn't there anymore, I still love him but we are just too different, at the time I firmly believed we were meant to be and the differences were the way we complemented each other, but they were not, they were about values and that's irreconcilable.

 

Hope this long post helps you in some way. That experience was the hardest for me to overcome and I'm still working on it everyday but I want people that feel like that to know it DOES get better and you will heal from this, slowly but surely.

[Jonp219]

I agree...who cares who is to blame. She could have talked it out, met halfway, anything.

Shes an adult. Down the road I think you will see you are glad you missed out on her.

You will see she missed out on YOU.

Its so hard to think clearly in these dark times your in now.

I too moved to a new city and that's when he abandoned me and the trouble is theres no friends or support system here. Its lonely and sad to move away but I count my blessings there are no triggers or reminders here and now that Spring is starting Im gonna LIVE and go see music concerts, go to beach, make new friends...the warm weather will assist my healing SO much, I gotta believe that.

This greiving has stolen so much of my life, Im going through it cause its necessary but I know the time is coming where I see real progress and Im starting to let go. Im getting excited to see way more healing cause I know its a fight and its up to me.

Wake up and blast music that you like that doesn't remind you of your ex. Even if right now its tiny little things that's perfect. You got this!!

 

Idk why but i'm the opposite lol.

 

Warm weather reminds me of past relationships more than any other season. I hate break ups that happen in proximity to Spring/Summer because I know i'm not going to be able to enjoy it as much as everyone else.

 

Today was the warmest day in NYC in a while, and although I like how the weather feels, I had a strong urge to cry.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Jonp219

[HBK3317]

Just reading all you guys posts helps me feel a bit better. And one thing I sure have learned and it was high time I really did, 'Do Not Make Anyone Else The Centre Of Your World Mo Matter What'.

[kenmore]

It's late and I just wanted a brief night's read before going to bed (I find it's just awesome to read about heart-broken people just before retiring for the night)

 

Sorry, that was sarcasm for those who don't get it.

 

Anyway, this turned into much more than I could deal with fully, but Aaron, I did read your post and wish to reply:

 

First, I'm so sorry for what you went through. Please let me give you a rendition of a similar thing that happened to me in 2007. My first wife died in Jan 2007. We had been married for 17 years, had a teenage daughter and both loved each other so much! I truly believe if she had not died, I would still be happily married to her and would not be here. Between here and there, I went onto a site just like this but for widow/ers. Mostly widows (guessing 90%.) I guess I'm in the major minority of men wishing for support when their wife dies, though knowing what I do now, I can't imagine why!

 

ANYWAY, while on there I met this woman. Her husband had died seven years prior, she was lonely, but a world of fun! She was so fun to talk to, had a southern accent, loved to play online games, I joined a group just to play with her! We had even talked about her moving to California from Alabama which is where she grew up.

 

Long story short (actually it was a short story since we never met and it lasted a total of about seven months), one evening we both got drunk and spent the entire night talking. We started at six and ended at six. We loosened up so much, we decided it would be fun (in addition to the phone sex we had had), that we should tell each other our deepest secrets.

 

BAD IDEA! The next morning (or afternoon?) I woke up with a feeling of exuberance in addition to my hangover. I felt we had crossed a milestone and should be so happy! I got online and started IM-ing her (remember that?) and she seemed to love our evening, but within five minutes, started turning. As time went by, she got more and more angry! By the time fifteen minutes went by, she was hating me, called me names and told me she was through, and that I needed to go F*ck myself! Mind you, there was nothing bad or negative in our conversation, we spoke of our lives and typical things, and that I understood her and told her that I still cared.

 

Eventually, I came to realize that her "secret" was so damned bad that she couldn't really live with it. She had told NOBODY! she told me because she got close to me and she was drunk. I would have never betrayed her secret, but ironically, we were both in a chatroom for the same group of people months later and she spilled it in front of everyone to take away my power and to let loose of her guilt. I never spoke to her again. I never met her and to this day, I still consider that online relationship one of the big losses of my life...though I don't know why rationally. It's stupid! I never met her. she dumped me. It was almost nine years ago. We only spoke, emailed, IM'ed (texting didn't exist yet), but she left a lasting impression on me, and I still miss her!

 

OMG, this is so far off of the OP's original intent. HBK3317, please believe me that I did intend to address your feelings and went too far, and it's just so late here. I need to get to bed.

 

Please don't kill yourself. As others here have said, not for a woman. Not for anyone! Not for any reason! Life has so many surprises! Hey, if you felt suicidal and killed yourself before you met her, then you would have lost that experience! Maybe a bad example since you wish to kill yourself because of her, but in order to get to that point, you must have loved her! What if you had not had that lovely experience? What about the next? There will be one!

 

Maybe deleting everything was not a good idea. I have gotten rid of some things over time, but it took time. I had a photo of her in my wallet, and even though we split in July, she filed for divorce in Nov, I didn't throw it away until last month. I finally stopped wearing my wedding ring last month too (last month was big for me) I had saved two voicemails since September, but they auto-deleted (yep) last month. Also last month, I stopped giving a crap.

 

Time is a healer! Poison they give, heals after the pain is gone. It all adds up to not giving a crap eventually, and someday you won't either. That woman from Alabama I spoke of earlier? Don't give a crap. I'll tell you, not giving a crap feels damned good after all this pain!

 

Just get through it any way you can. You asked for suggestions, I'll tell you what did it for me. Bury yourself in work! Any work! Hopefully you can make money doing it but if not, do it anyway! It's very difficult because it's hard to care about anything anymore, but you can mechanically do it, and it keeps your mind off her for the most part. Eventually you can shake off the rest. That's my suggestion.

 

My best to you, and I apologize for getting off track. I had no intention of bringing up Alabama here, but I go with my flow. Somehow it fit in. Take care, and again, DONT KILL YOURSELF!

 

Ken

Edited March 12, 2015 by kenmore

[HBK3317]

Thanks Ken. I have started keeping busy but as I said just one thought of her and everything goes downhill.

 

There's this one last thing, I hope I ain't getting too crabby but I need to get it off of my chest... Sometimes I think that she is bound to go in a relationship with someone and I feel very bad. I mean I know that it's bound to happen And someday I might get to know about it from someone or other. I mean it shouldn't matter now but I feel so bad that she would be holding hands with someone else, might be someone I know as well, and it gets me so sad. I didn't expect to loose her and thought we would be together till death and she also said that it can't be anyone else other than me but after all this crap that happened and the way life works... I don't even know what to type anymore, what I want to ask.

 

I want her to be very happy in life because she was a gem. A real gem. Then again I wanted her to be happy with me. One part of me says it's fine why the **** do you care and the other just longs for her to be back somehow...

[Jonp219]

Thanks Ken. I have started keeping busy but as I said just one thought of her and everything goes downhill.

 

There's this one last thing, I hope I ain't getting too crabby but I need to get it off of my chest... Sometimes I think that she is bound to go in a relationship with someone and I feel very bad. I mean I know that it's bound to happen And someday I might get to know about it from someone or other. I mean it shouldn't matter now but I feel so bad that she would be holding hands with someone else, might be someone I know as well, and it gets me so sad. I didn't expect to loose her and thought we would be together till death and she also said that it can't be anyone else other than me but after all this crap that happened and the way life works... I don't even know what to type anymore, what I want to ask.

 

I want her to be very happy in life because she was a gem. A real gem. Then again I wanted her to be happy with me. One part of me says it's fine why the **** do you care and the other just longs for her to be back somehow...

 

I know your wounds are fresh, and i'm sure she was a great girlfriend. However, you can't look at her as a gem if you want to heal quickly. I'm a huge hypocrite for saying that, because I still look at my ex as a gem.

 

However, one thing I caught myself doing is that when I think of all the flaws my ex had I start feeling a little better about myself. For a brief moment I start believing that I can do better than her. You should try it sometime bro, it helps.

 

Take a notepad and write down all the things that were wrong with her. I know it might be hard to do, but just try.

Edited March 12, 2015 by Jonp219

[HBK3317]

However, one thing I caught myself doing is that when I think of all the flaws my ex had I start feeling a little better about myself. For a brief moment I start believing that I can do better than her. You should try it sometime bro, it helps.

 

Take a notepad and write down all the things that were wrong with her. I know it might be hard to do, but just try.

 

I tried. It helped a lil bit. Thanks Jon. This sucks so much! I can't even begin to comprehend! In a weird way I find this situation very humorous... Lol! I never thought that I, Me would be in such a big rut!

 

The way life works is just Wow!

[Satu]

SNIP:

 

 

*I loved this girl to death and she was the centre of my universe. Everything and I mean every god damned thing I used to share with her so you can probably guess that EVERYTHING makes me remind of her. If something good happens my mind goes to her, if something bad happens my mind goes to her!

 

 

For some reason, when you were with her, you chose to have her as the exact centre of your universe.

 

You were in orbit around her.

 

Then she was gone, and you have nothing to orbit.

 

Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself.

 

Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again.

[Satu]

 

*It will get over though right? I mean the breakup was all my fault so I keep on blaming myself for not getting things straight when I had the time. I will be over this yeah no matter how bad it is right now?

 

*If you really want to, you will.

 

It's not easy, but it's doable.

[Satu]

Oh man, HBK3317 I feel you! Up to about a couple months ago, I totally felt as you currently do!

 

I can totally relate to the whole "she was the center of my world" thing, I really can. Why can I relate, because, like you, I did the same thing.

 

My story is a little odd and strange and weird, see, I meet my ex-fiancé on-line through my former on-line gaming group back in 2012, she was in Ohio and I was here in California! It all was innocent at first, just a generic on-line friendship, just another member of the group kind of a thing. But in the later part of 2012, we started to drift closer, less video game related stuff and more personal. Somehow through the awesome power of technology, we found ourselves in love!

 

Our game groups talk program was quickly dropped in favor of Skype! Like you, even through Skype I quickly started to put my ex-fiancé the center of my world. It was strange, through things like Google Earth, Google Maps, my own person photo's of my home town, I was already taking her to my favorite places around town, showing off my home town to her, my favorite park, movie theater, shopping malls, eating places, bowling alley, video arcades, you name it, I was through the power of technology taking her there.

 

For approx. 7-8 months we courted each other on-line, by that time I was madly, deeply, dripping in love and she was the center of my world for sure! Then the chance came about to have her come live with me here in California. Shortly after her arrival back on June-1-2013, I proceeded to go about actually taking her to the places that we once only visited inside the virtual world of a computer. We made it real, we made each place our own, we made each place our favorite, all the while going from place to place, or on any given day there we would be, in the car, radio playing her favorite tunes.......country styled music as usual.

 

I was just so much in love, the places around town that we built up memory's with seemed to be a piece of the support system that kept our love somewhat flourishing. The music on the radio somewhat seemed to keep a little piece of our love flourishing. The personal memory's we made inside our own home help helped keep the love going!

 

But alas, if something isn't meant to be, it's not going to last forever! So due to some problems created by myself, created by her, and her family, our relationship ended in late July of 2014, and she left and flew back to Ohio on August-3rd-2014.

 

From the very moment she left, like you, everything reminded me of her! I couldn't go to the grocery store without vivid reminders of her and days gone by. I couldn't goto a restaurant without memory's of her, the movie theater, the shopping malls, the local park, the river, Walgreens, rite aid, AM/PM mini marts, bus stops, down town, everywhere I went, there she was in my head, the memory's, the heart ache, the pain, the hurts, the anger, the frustrations, the confusions, the worry, the doubts, anything and everything had ear marks of her on it!

 

it's kind of amazing if you think about it, the whole psychology of it all, you meet this one person, this one person out of the 6 billion people on the planet. You get close to this one person, you spark up a friendship at first, then if conditions are right, you spark up the love! This one person out of the 6 billion comes into your life and quickly you make life all about them! They are the blood that pumps through your heart! They are the reason your heart beats! They are the reason you live! They are the reason you have purpose in life! Anything and everything quickly becomes all about them!

 

And for whatever reason, after this one person out of the 6 billion people on the planet leaves you, your world is turned upside down! The blood that once pumped through your heart has dried up! The reason your heart pumped it's beat is now gone! Your very reason for getting up in the mornings is now gone! Oh my God, she's gone, I have no more reasons to live, my purpose is gone! Oh yeah, let me tell you, I went through the whole damn thing! in essence I think I felt like what it feels like for a heroin addict to come off the juice!

 

What helped me get through was within a couple weeks of my ex-fiancé's departure, I joined up with a local 12 Step Codependency support group! I also around the same time found a local Life's hurts, habits and hang up's support group and joined! Through these groups I reluctantly learned how sick I was! I was shown how sick and toxic it was for me to just throw this woman, from day one right into a position of being the center of my universe! I was shown and taught how unhealthy it was for me to have allowed this woman to become my whole life. I was shown how I literally sold my soul to the devil and had freely gave up who I was, what I was all about, gave up my freedoms, my independence, my powers of choice ect. ect. ect for what, this one person!

 

So a couple months back I think after all of the lessons learned, all the teaching from my support groups, through the self help books I was reading, I think I had my own personal "break through"! Everything caught up with me, my codependent ways, what I did and how I sold my soul during my relationship, my break through showed me how sick I really am, how needy I really am, how clingy I really am, how I'm willing to sell my soul for a mire morsel of love!

 

It's a hard road to walk, the whole recovery from a lost love, it's hard, like you I was severely haunted by the memory's of her and so forth! But since a couple months back, I have been trying to re-gain my person power! I am trying my best to re-claim who I am, what I'm all about and learning that I do indeed have a purpose in life, which is not dependent upon a person outside of myself giving me that purpose!

 

So I would personally recommend perhaps looking into some local support groups that deal with codependency and breakups!

 

Also privategal gave you some real good advice.....like....

 

Joining an exercise group

painting your room

rearranging you home

Getting new bedding (me I bought a new bed all together)

 

Some other tips.....

 

Remove and or just box up any personal items that she may have left behind

 

Remove and or block her from any and or all forms of social media (if applicable)

 

Transfer any images of you and her off your computer to a portable USB flash drive. Give the drive to a friend of family member and tell them to hold onto it for approx. 1 year, then they can give it back to you if the time is right. (That's what I did)

 

After the images are on the flash drive, delete them off your hard drive

 

Remove her phone number off your contacts list on your phone

 

Remove her e-mail address off your e-mail service

 

Perhaps look into some self help books dealing with issues of self worth!

 

Perhaps look into local support groups

 

Perhaps if affordable move to a different place, new home, (that's what I did)

 

Try to eat right

 

Try to get plenty of rest and or sleep

 

Try to stay away from the music that was once your guy's music

 

Try to stay away from the movies that perhaps were once you guy's movies!

 

Change the ring tone on your cell phone

 

Ask any friend of family member that wants to excessively wants to talk about the breakup to stop......((rehashing things won't do you any good))

 

Get out of the house and take some nice long walks

 

On occasion treat yourself right, dinning, a movie, a place, whatever makes you feel good

 

Get into some sort of medical treatment, doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, life coach, medications ect. ect. ect.

 

It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for some, perhaps "find religion"

 

I wish you the best of luck, and please, keep posting here on L.S. no matter how small, or how silly, or how anything.....keep posting! We are all here for you, were here to help!

 

That's a great post full of insight and good advice.

 

Some people have a poor sense of self and what they do is substitute another person to define them.

 

"This relationship, this person, is me."

 

In a way, they want to be that person. They want that person to be them.

 

"I am she, she is me."

 

Without the other, they feel like they hardly exist.

 

As you know, recovery is possible.

[HBK3317]

I didn't have a poor sense of self... I mean I do now after she's gone and as you said I have nothing to orbit around but before that and even while with her I was very confident, immensely fun loving and was a sociable person. I never had low self esteem or never thought that I would rather Could hit something as low as this... But after she left it feels like I got run over by a Boeing.

 

That's why I find this very funny because life smacked me hard, right in the kisser when I wasn't at all prepared and took everything away from me in one f*ucking go!

 

I just want to be me again. Fun loving and happy.

[Satu]

 

*I just want to be me again. Fun loving and happy.

 

*You can be, and you will be.

[AaronSG]

I wanted to take a couple moments and jump back in here and perhaps hand you some material that might help you! The following is a series of on-line videos made by Richard Grannon an on-line Life Coach. I subscribed to his services about 4-5 months back, and the material he provides on-line is awesome and very valuable. Give them a watch, who knows, you might hear or see something that might help you better understand your current situation better. And not only learn about your current situation, but perhaps gain a better understanding of what to do with it.

 

This video deal with Curing Post Breakup Over Analysis Syndrome!

 

This video deals with people who puts others as "the center of their universe"!

 

And the last one, "How To Be happy".....very subject to interpretation!

 

Hope this little bit of stuff helps you out a little there HBK3317 I hope today is going better for you!

[HBK3317]

Thanks a Lot for taking the time to do this for a complete stranger Aaron. And yeah it's going a bit better than yesterday (: thanks for asking.

[ApexTitanium]

I know how you feel, save a spot for me in the passenger seat lmao.

[milk]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It is such a tough time, and we are in the same boat my friend. I have been spending 14+ hours in bed for the past 3 days. I know living can feel like a chore when you are this empty, but I just know it will get better for us. As hard as it actually is, we need to pick ourselves up and keep rowing this boat! We loved our exes so much, we need to put that same amount of effort into loving ourselves now.

 

It is so important to keep busy and continue with your daily activities although your ex may be in the back of your mind the whole time. That's how it has been with me and I know those nagging thoughts will eventually subside. It hurts so much right now but there is a valuable lesson to be taken from this and if you embrace it your future relationships will be much more fulfilling and if BUs occur again in the future then perhaps they won't be as awful :^) Keep going!!!

[kenmore]

All I can say to all of you going through this pain (and make no mistake, I still am too) is that there will come a day when you will finally get it that she (or he, I'm going to use the female term in this post because it seems most of the posters are male) never intends to be with you again. Once that sinks in truly, and it may just click one day, she may say something to trigger it, there may be some action, who knows, but when it sinks in, suddenly it gets easier.

 

Suddenly you will think "you know what? We were ok, and she ruined everything because of her own selfishness". Seriously, why do I want her again?

 

It makes things easier. It doesn't make it go away, but I'm sure you will take easier over how you feel now.

 

Then later, you will become friends with some new woman. It will start simply, a chance meeting. You will have fun. Afterward you will feel guilty, but somehow relieved that you can find some happiness with another woman. Maybe it will just be lunch, or drinks. It doesn't matter, what matters is you realize life can and will go on. It doesn't matter if it works out with her, because she gave you the hope you needed to look toward the future. You will still suffer and mourn your loss, but it will be easier again.

 

Finally, you will get into your new life. I don't know, but I suspect I will always hurt for my lost wives (one has been lost for eight years now and I hurt for her) but life goes on and you can and will find happiness.

 

All you can do is be patient, and like Jon said, I am a hypocrite because I am not! But I do know it's the only answer and it's so damned tough! Hang in there, and you will someday be rewarded with a good life again. Hopefully that one won't have to end in tragedy like this one did.

 

Ken