who am I after the breakup? share your story

[ggas]

It's been two months since my relationship with her ended. She is back together with her ex ("the one she always loved"). I have been in strict NC. I am doing a lot better than I was two months ago for sure but there are things from the breakup that hunt me. Things were said like "You're not a leader, I need a leader and someone dominant." (I treated her as my equal). "I'm afraid that if I'm gonna have kids with you they are going to be weak people." "There is a connection between me and him that I can't explain."... all of this after one year of living together. You can read my breakup story. Right now, the shock is fading away but I find myself completely lost. Who am I really? Am I really this weak person? I'm trying to measure my selfworth, but when I do this he always pops in the equation. This feeling of trying to discover who I am really is causing me anxiety and doesn't let me sleep at night. After one year of what was a loving and equal relationship, the treatment of the last two weeks and the total discard really left a deep mark inside me. I don't know why. It shouldn't be like this. I'm better than this yet here I am on LS writting about it. So let me ask you dumpees (maybe even dumpers) have you ever experienced an identity crisis after a breakup. Have you ever reached a point of questioning your self worth?

[HBK3317]

Going through it right now brother. I find it hard to recognise the person staring at me from the mirror. I find it hard to believe this is what she did to me. But deep down I have that hope that soon I shall rise up and be stronger than ever, be better than before.

 

Just listen to that voice inside and hang on my friend, we shall get over this. Let time work it's magic.

[Arieswoman]

Hi ggas,

and I am sorry you are in this position.

 

Please try not to take to heart those mean and spiteful things your ex said to you. She was looking for an excuse to justify what she did - it's called "blame-shifting", so don't fall for it.

 

It is totally natural for anyone who has been rejected to start thinking "what's wrong with me?". Try and turn it around to "what's wrong with them?".

 

After I got divorced I was so bruised and battered emotionally I didn't know which was was up. So I got into some I/C to try and find out who I was and where I was. It was a longer journey than I expected as I had been very subtly manipulated and controlled through the marriage, and hadn't seen it at the time.

 

So this is what I would advise, as I think you would find it helpful to bounce some ideas off a professional.

 

In the meantime be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people. Do the things you enjoy.

 

At this moment in time you probably feel in the pits and can't believe it will ever get better. Trust me, it will. All you need is time.

 

Good luck x

[ballycastle]

Hi ggas,

and I am sorry you are in this position.

 

Please try not to take to heart those mean and spiteful things your ex said to you. She was looking for an excuse to justify what she did - it's called "blame-shifting", so don't fall for it.

 

It is totally natural for anyone who has been rejected to start thinking "what's wrong with me?". Try and turn it around to "what's wrong with them?".

 

After I got divorced I was so bruised and battered emotionally I didn't know which was was up. So I got into some I/C to try and find out who I was and where I was. It was a longer journey than I expected as I had been very subtly manipulated and controlled through the marriage, and hadn't seen it at the time.

 

So this is what I would advise, as I think you would find it helpful to bounce some ideas off a professional.

 

In the meantime be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people. Do the things you enjoy.

 

At this moment in time you probably feel in the pits and can't believe it will ever get better. Trust me, it will. All you need is time.

 

Good luck x

 

 

It's been a year for me and to be honest I am not much better. I still blame myself for all my relationships going wrong. I am going to therapy but only to try and live without a partner and be happy.

 

 

Does anyone have any tips on living without intimacy until death?