Angry and Extremely Hurt: the end of the end

[seductress989]

Hey guys, my weekend has ended on a bad note. After doing NC for almost 2 months, I give in and go see my ex. It was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. We ended up having sex and me spending the night with him. It felt so wrong and I felt so used. The next night I talked to him again and he treated me like dirt. He was cold and said very hurtful things. I wanted to slap him hard right in the face but I maintained my composure and left. I know now that it's over for good. He said, "There's nothing between us now" "I have NO feelings for you" "I just want a friendship, nothing more" "What are you doing here?" I've never been more hurt in my life. I asked him, "Why didn't you break up with me?" He said, "Because I wanted things to work." Has anyone ever been a situation like this? I am the dumper and I know that if he had've dumped me, I would've moved on by now. I ended things with him in June and I've been doing NC off and on. It's so hard. I know I HAVE to move on.

 

Can someone help me? I'm so angry and hurt and I don't want to do anything rash. How do I move on quickly? BTW, I'm getting ready to move back to my hometown where he lives in January and I don't want to be tempted to see him. I want to forget him. I absolutley have lost all hope and I feel very sad, alone, and extremely hurt.

[moimeme]

If you broke it off, why have you kept going back? Whatever your reason, you have to stop allowing yourself to talk yourself out of your decision to break it off.

 

If you need to, hang on to how awful you feel right now and associate that bad feeling with him. That should serve as aversion therapy aplenty.

[Patiently waiting]

Only you can give away your dignity, no one can take it from you.....

 

Read my last rant on MM wife finally found out, I am (trying) to taking the first step to respect myself. In time this will all be a distant memory for you and for me.

 

Good Luck to both of us!

[meanon]

Is it possible that he was also angry and extremely hurt by your break up and this is why he is being deliberately hurtful now? If he didn't care at all he would have treated you with indifference, not hostility.

 

Take care. This relationship is over but there is still the potential for you to do each other a lot of damage. Even after such a bad experience, you are worried about being tempted to see him again.

 

Surely it's a good thing that you have lost all hope if you no longer want the relationship to continue. Emotions are often contradictory, I know, but you will get over him more quickly if you understand why you feel the way you do. If there are doubts you can't let go of, you may reach a point where you need to talk to him again but given what just happened is probably best not to meet.

 

Being alone between relationships is no bad thing. Make sure you stay that way until you have recovered from this ending. Your choices are more likely to be sound and your future happy if you have the security of knowing that you can be content alone. Good luck.

[seductress989]

I don't really know why I keep coming back to meet him after a period of NC. He doesn't contact me whatsoever and when I do see him, he's usually cold and agressive. I'm really going to try to stop seeing him in any way. It is so hard b/c when he is nice to me, the chemistry is still there. We both agree to that. But I know that there is not going to be a another relationship between us and I want to let go. I guess seeing him the other night was good for me b/c it let me see how he really was. He has just stopped taking a prescription medication and that accounts for some of his behavior. When I was dating him and he tried to stop taking it in the past, he couldn't do it. Now, he's been off it a week, and he even says that he's hateful all the time and agressive. He also says he gets angry very easily.

 

I stayed away from him for almost 2 months and I now I feel like I've taken like 5 steps backward. I don't want to make this mistake again. My new goal is maintain NC for at least 6 months and not see him during that time. My bday is coming in January and I know he won't contact me on it. That's going to really hurt next year, but I'm expecting it. Thanks a lot for all the replies. It helps me to know someone's been in a situation like mine.

[meanon]

Could it be that you keep coming back to him because when he's nice to you, the "chemistry" allows you to remember what was good about being with him and to feel less alone?

I absolutley have lost all hope and I feel very sad, alone

I agree that it was good for you to see him, if it means that you can stop investing your hopes in a relationship that's over. Endings are always sad. Take heart. You've not taken 5 steps backwards, you've taken a huge step forward.

[seductress989]

I feel like I mad a complete fool of myself and that I made myself look desperate. I did a bad thing though, I lied to him to make it seem like I was moving on. I know that lying is wrong, but I was so angry that I didn't care at the moment. I told him I was seeing someone else and although I've made several new guy friends, I'm not "seeing" any of them. He's like that's good but he didn't look happy when he said it nor did his eyes.

 

Meanon, the first part of your last post absolutely nailed my feelings! Thank you for making it so clear to me. That is why I keep coming back, it's the chemistry. It is still there, sadly. I really wished now that he would've dumped me. Surely, I would've moved on by now. But you can't change the past, so I guess I have to deal. I just don't want to see him again, but I love the feelings I get when I do see him and things go smoothly. It's like an emotional high for me. Why does he do this to me? Is it punishment for me dumping him and still coming back? One more thing, If a guy says something while he's upset, does that automatically mean that he means what he is saying?