I am the dumper, and this is day 1 of no contact

[proactivedreamer]

I posted the other day on LS about how I am feeling about my recent break-up. I made an official decision yesterday, and I am hoping I have enough strength to stay away from my ex. I am getting choked up calling him that. I struggled with this decision for more days than I can count, and I still feel really uneasy about it. I know a lot of people on here are people who have been broken up with, so I suppose I don't expect a great deal of understanding.Since this morning, I have been feeling so stressed and like I can barely breathe. I was thinking of going somewhere to cry about it, but I cried about it so much. I know that I really love him, but why does it feel like I am the one who was dumped? It seems like a lot of people on here think that the dumper doesn't feel anything, but I can say I feel really awful, not really guilt, but like I lost something really dear to me. I suppose I did. I did not want this at all, but I really tried for much too long, and perhaps that is where I made my mistake. I tried to have a relationship with someone who has a lot of problems, and now I am suffering for it. I know the pain will dissipate soon enough, but, for now, I feel terrible, weird, and uncomfortable. The number one thing I feel is nervousness. I can't really explain why. I guess I don't know what my life will be like without him because he has been in it for almost 3 years. I already miss him and it has only been a day. Anyways, I wrote this because I am really not doing too well today. I guess I need to remember to look forward, and not back because looking back, I was not getting anywhere with him.

[Satu]

These are some tips I wrote wrote a while ago:

 

1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed, and probably angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

 

Just some basics - nothing more.

[proactivedreamer]

This was not an easy decision to make, and I was not cowardice about it. I had so many conversations, practically begging my ex to help save our relationship, but nothing happened. I had to make this decision because nothing was improving or changing-well I have been changing. I just want to use this space to help gain clarity and to cope with this break up. Thanks for listening.

Edited December 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted post redacted.

[ThreeYearsDumb]

I'm sorry you are going through this. All of us on here know the pain of a relationship ending. Even though you were the dumper your pain is still very valid. I know my Ex struggled with the decision to let me go. When a relationship ends, no one gets off without pain, even if it seems that way and even if it takes some time to realize it. At that early stage I felt every emotion in the book. I would encourage you to feel every emotion that comes your way. The reply above makes a lot of sense in listing out the tips to move through it. I have also found people on this site to be very understanding. As you go through the stages I hope you find as much peace as possible alongn the way

[Jewels7]

I know how you feel. I was the dumper too. Almost 8 months ago. I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, had to call out of work. It was like I was the one who was dumped. Like you I left a relationship I didn't want to leave but knew I had to for my mental health. I left someone I was still in love with. I won't lie. It still hurts. I still miss him. I have to talk myself out of contacting him and going back constantly. But I will say this. I remember how I was day 1 and the pain I feel now doesn't touch what I felt those first few weeks. It does get manageable and you can cope with it. This is the worst point for you now. Stay strong. You can do this.