Mizz Layta Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 We were together on and off for few years and we live 4 hours apart.We had a strong connection but the distance eventually took its toll and he broke it.After time apart we will reconnect and hangout again.This went on and off for few years. However, he was planning to come to see me but he lost his job so he didn't have money to come.Then he got depressed akd got distance. He stopped returning my phone calls and my texts.I was worried about him so I kept calling and texting untill he send a texts and asked me not to contact him anymore. He told me he needed space. I apologize for bothering him and told me I would respect his wishes. We didn't talk for almost 2 months so I kept wondering why he wasn't getting back in touch.I decided to text him and ask how he is and he responded the next day and said he is fine. We talked for few days and I told him that I am still looking forward to see him.Thats when he told me that maybe we might meet one day but right now he is seeing someone closer that he really likes.It completely crushed me and I am heart broken.I told him that its best if we go No contact because its painful for me that he is with another woman. He agreed and we wished each other the best. Its been a week since it happened and I am still hurting and having hard time with him being with another chick.I really wish if I left things alone and never contacted him because what you don't know won't hurt you. Would I be better off if I hadn't contacted him? I am so much in pain . Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 No, you wouldn't have been better off. If you didn't find out now, you would have eventually, because chances are, your curiosity, and constant need to have contact with him would have made it inevitable. This is actually a good thing for you. You now have full closure, and can actually move on with the mind set that he's not coming back. A lot of people can't fully move on, until they get final closure, and know for a fact, chasing their ex is a waste of time. Let it hurt. Feel the pain. Embrace it all for now, because you're gonna become a much better, and stronger person from this, and that's a guarantee. And hey, at least you have some fuel for the NC fire. You won't have him on a pedestal anymore. Use this is added motivation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Tikay is correct. It is better that you found out now. IMO it is better that it happened in the first place. "Reconnecting and hanging out again" over a period of years? That sounds like torture for the soul. Now, you can take the necessary time to heal and form a relationship with someone who lives nearby. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) I found out that my ex is now dating someone else that he has strong feelings for and it killed me hearing that .Now I know its over and the chances of him coming back are slim to none. I have been in NC for 8 days and I don't plan on breaking it ever. I don't think I will hear from him either since he now has someone special in his life with will put me out of sight out of mind . I never stayed in contact with any of my exes .When things ended, we just went separate ways and never heard from them again. I have always been the dumpee 99 percent of the time and I never hear from the dumpers again.I prefer it that way because it was easier from me to move on than them giving false hope and mess with my head by getting back in contact However,I always read about people breaking NC after a 6 months or year to restore contact with the dumper. I am already feeling better than how I was the first night when I found out about his new gf and there is no way in hell I would break NC after 6 months or so and set myself back. I mean why bother?To hear that he is now engaged or expecting a baby with another women?That would definitely set me back. When its over ,its over Edited November 19, 2014 by Mizz Layta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) It's been 2 weeks since I found out that my ex has been seeing someone else and he said it was someone special and he really like the girl.It doesn't hurt as much as it did the first night but it still painful when I think about it.I dont know if its because i am still single and havent connected with anyone but i am just jealous of them together. I told him that I want to go seperate ways and cut off contact since the thought of him being with someone else is to painful for me. I don't plan on contacting ever because I would be hurt if it turns out that things got serious between them and are engaged etc.Do I feel this way because I still love him? will I reach a point where It woudnt bother me and be happy for him? Edited November 25, 2014 by Mizz Layta Link to post Share on other sites
andilyn1 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I do think that in time, you will get to a point where it won't hurt. Or at least you'll feel indifferent about it. My ex from last year is engaged, and I honestly feel no particular way about it. Meaning it didn't hurt me when I found out, but I also didn't sit and think "good for them" or "I'm happy for them". I just was like ok, and had no feelings about it. But for now, cutting all communication with him is key. You are still affected by him, so you definitely need to stay far away from anything to do with him so you won't be hurt by finding out things about him and his girlfriend. I know that I would hurt badly if I found out my current ex was dating someone. It would kill me. So that's why I had to go completely NC. I had to do it for my own sanity. So give it time, you probably won't be bothered by it down the road. But I definitely would just not contact him anymore. There's no reason to have to know what he's up to. It will only hurt you more. Hang in there!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Yes it goes away. My ex wife, of..actually can't even remember how long ago, has been married several times, multiple bf's, ect.. Not a single thought do I give. Every memory fades, with time. You may still have a few memory's after a while, but they fade. Like an old, weathered photo you can hardly make out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Mizz Layta, You are feeling very raw now, so it will be hard for you to take in what people are saying, but YES, the pain will fade and you will feel better eventually. The only cure for a broken heart is time, and you can't rush it. Take all the time you need. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't dance on it would you? No, you would hobble around in a cast for 6 weeks until it healed. Probably at this moment you are struggling to get through each day, but it does get better. Be kind to yourself and eventually (although you won't believe it now) you will be able to love and laugh again. Good luck x 5 Link to post Share on other sites
polaske93 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Yes, I feel like my pain stuck around longer because she began dating my friend that I introduced to her, it hurt seeing pictures if them smiling together, and acting like the perfect couple. Over time you just stop caring, if you really loved them you would want then to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 It's been 2 weeks since I found out that my ex has been seeing someone else and he said it was someone special and he really like the girl.It doesn't hurt as much as it did the first night but it still painful when I think about it.I dont know if its because i am still single and havent connected with anyone but i am just jealous of them together. I told him that I want to go seperate ways and cut off contact since the thought of him being with someone else is to painful for me. I don't plan on contacting ever because I would be hurt if it turns out that things got serious between them and are engaged etc.Do I feel this way because I still love him? will I reach a point where It woudnt bother me and be happy for him? I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. This is also the reasons why so many others recommended strict and complete NC As we have to accept the truth that, whether we like it or not, the ex will move on at some points. But the good thing is, we will also do the same thing. But as it hurts you because you still have feelings for him, NC is the way. I think it's hard to clarify clearly the reasons why you are feeling like this. Maybe because you still have feelings, but maybe because you got sad as you two used to have such a great time together, and he's now doing the same thing with another person, not you. But don't focus on those reasons now. Try to forget them, with time, it will fade, and at some points, you will feel okay and even feel happy for him. But do not worry about that now, because what you need to care about now is yourself. Try try hugs!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
feelymcfeel Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 This is what absolutely tore me to pieces. We broke up, and I managed to convince myself I was ok. I was getting my act together, then about 3 months down the line found out she was seeing someone else, and in a matter of minutes I completely went to ****. In the end I had to quit my job and move back in with my parents temporarily to get away from everything negative. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 I have been in NC for 3 weeks and today I have an urge to text my ex and tell him my current emotional state. We live 4 hours apart and he ended meeting someone closer that he is now seing. I decided to just go NC and move on.However ,the fact that he is with someone is eating up inside. Its been 2 weeks after all so I am sure why its still bothering me. ,ughh ,I am just jealous. I keep thinking about them going on dates, sleeping together and him being happy but me being alone and suffering from a broken heart. So I feel like sending him a text telling him how I am effected with this. I don't expect him to respond. I just want to get that off my chest. So would this make me feel better or worse? Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Get it off your chest here. He doesn't care right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 So would this make me feel better or worse? Probably worse. You'll look pathetic, weak and needy. It sucks this is your reality, but millions of people go through break ups everyday while their ex's move on. If you can, try to be happy for him. He found someone closer to him to enjoy and be with. You are hurt right now, but you won't feel this way forever. Pick yourself up. Go get your hair done. Buy some new clothes. Get out with your GF's. Do not contact him. You will heal. Give yourself time. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 It will hurt like hell. Post here as previous member advised. They don't deserve to know how you feel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I did that three weeks after our breakup when I found out she was dating someone else.. Bad Idea.. It was a very long text complete with the grand declarations and sorrowful pleas and she just replied "Stop texting me with these!". Fact is he is in the honeymoon stage of his new relationship and chances are he doesn't really care what you feel. It's sad but that's reality.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 Probably worse. You'll look pathetic, weak and needy. It sucks this is your reality, but millions of people go through break ups everyday while their ex's move on. If you can, try to be happy for him. He found someone closer to him to enjoy and be with. You are hurt right now, but you won't feel this way forever. Pick yourself up. Go get your hair done. Buy some new clothes. Get out with your GF's. Do not contact him. You will heal. Give yourself time. I would like to be happy for him since I am so far way and cant give what the other girl can since she is closer. I really would like to be happy for him but I cant help to feel jealous and angry. I just cant help it.it sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I would like to be happy for him since I am so far way and cant give what the other girl can since she is closer. I really would like to be happy for him but I cant help to feel jealous and angry. I just cant help it.it sucks I know it is easier said than done... but you gotta keep it together. Unless he wants to come back and you wanna take him back, you can't do anything. You can't talk somebody into coming back, you can't talk somebody into loving you. Feel jealous and angry, throw $hit, punch walls, cry, scream, do whatever needs to be done but do NOT show him that you feel like that. Or don't show him anything at all for that matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Well, I can tell you what was going on in my head went I sent my ex a text and what came of it. There had been VERY light contact for about a month. At the one month mark I asked him if he'd like to catch up later in the week. He replied that maybe we should wait a bit cuz he was pretty tied up for the rest of the week (that got my mind racing: tied up with what or who? because all he does is work and sit at home) and that he was also fighting off a cold. So a bunch of excuses, fine, he doesn't want to see me. I told him no prob and to feel better to which he didn't reply. I started NC after that exchange. He could have suggested another time, or sent me a text when he felt better. Nothing. Wait a bit = not happening lol. Writing is on the wall. I went 15 days before I cracked and sent him a text. I was constantly wondering why he b/u with me. In a nutshell I just said I was confused and feeling some guilt because I don't really understand what happened. Leading up to that text, I was deluding myself a lot. I was so sure he would answer me and tell me something that made me feel feel better, or at least made sense. I kept telling myself that no matter the outcome, I will be fine and will have no regrets for sending it. WRONG! He didn't answer. It's actually a week today that I sent it. I imagine him sitting on his couch watching tv. He hears the alert. Reads the text. Puts the phone back down and changes the channel without a second thought to what he read. I felt embarrassed, forgettable, unmissable, ...you name it. Worst part was that by sending that text, I had let him know I was still sitting around thinking about him and still care. Don't let him know how you feel, he knows. He stopped caring about your feelings the moment he b/u up with you. He's with someone else now. Imagine him reading your gushy text to his new gf and them loling over it. That should stop you from sending anything. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I tell myself that whoever breaks NC loses. And I like winning. It's childish, and immature - but it has helped me. And even though I was the dumpee, when my ex ended up calling me a few months back, I felt this wonderful satisfaction knowing that I had won - even though he didn't know he was playing. Don't contact him, it never ends well. It will only serve to make you feel like crap. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Speaking from experience, don't contact him. If you do, no one here would blame you but because you are asking for advice, my vote is no. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I would like to be happy for him since I am so far way and cant give what the other girl can since she is closer. I really would like to be happy for him but I cant help to feel jealous and angry. I just cant help it.it sucks You'll get there. It's okay to feel the loss and grieve it. I didn't mean it to sound insensitive at all. Take each day with NC and put it in your pocket as a success. You are stronger than you think. This too shall pass. Go be with your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) In some ways I wish my ex was with someone. It would be a more tolerable reason for not hearing from him, other than how it is..he just doesn't want to talk to me. yowch. Edited December 5, 2014 by Chin Up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 My Ex just had her aunt watch our child one night so she could leave early the next morning to go on a day trip with her boyfriend. I only found out because her aunt spilled the beans when I picked her up the next day. I can't really avoid knowing in cases like that, but it sure hurts more when I have to hear it from someone else and my reaction is out there for all to see. Plus I have to gather up my wits and act like everything is A-OK in front of my kid. I'm thinking that time is the only thing to help although I'd try anything to detach quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 My Ex just had her aunt watch our child one night so she could leave early the next morning to go on a day trip with her boyfriend. I only found out because her aunt spilled the beans when I picked her up the next day. I can't really avoid knowing in cases like that, but it sure hurts more when I have to hear it from someone else and my reaction is out there for all to see. Plus I have to gather up my wits and act like everything is A-OK in front of my kid. I'm thinking that time is the only thing to help although I'd try anything to detach quicker. I'm really sorry. I can't even imagine how hard that must be to go through. Hugs to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts