Egone Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 My ex of 17 years have been broken up for over a year now. We were living apart for a few years before that. He's dating others and I am now dating a fantastic man that has life-long potential. However, I still hurt.... a lot and often. Even through some of the terrible stuff he's done to me, I will once in a while think of reconciliation. When does it stop?! I have every reason to move on from him. Has anyone come out from the other side of this? Link to post Share on other sites
polaske93 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Damn, i was hoping somebody would have posted a reply in here.. I'm sick of waking up everyday with the same thoughts and emotions while she is waking up in another man's bed probably with a smile.. I can't even imagine your pain.. I'm so sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatWeHad Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Please don't be so hard on yourself. 17 years is a long time to be with someone. It's only natural that you feel this way, it's only been a year. With that said I hope someone else can chime in. I was with ex for about a year and it's more than 10 years later and I still miss him even after other great guys have come along. I think there are some people that we are not meant to be with but those people can still manage to become a part of us that won't ever really fade away completely. I trying to make peace with that possibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I will once in a while think of reconciliation. [...] When does it stop?! I have every reason to move on from him. I trying to make peace with that possibility. Notice that a reason is something different than the attachment you had. I think, it will stop at the point in time you no longer want to reconciliate (circling such thoughts in your head, keeps such thoughts alive) and truly have peace with the fact that this is the situation of your life. At that moment you perhaps sometimes will miss him but are fine with the fact he is not like that in your life any-more. The room he has left never matches that other great guy as that new guy has to create his own space within your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lakerman34 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 You are 1 year in to a 17 year long relationship. The fact that it hurts you says that you care for your ex, and being able to care so deeply about another person is a positive character trait to have. Good on you! My advice? Continue dating this new person IF they make you happy. Also, I recommend counseling. After EVERY relationship, be it a year or 3 months, I go to counseling. Make sure that you feel as if the counselor is helping. My college relationship, after my very first session, I felt like a billion bucks. That man was good at what he does. After counseling with a woman after my latest relationship, I felt even worse, now I'm trying to change counselors. Trust me. People who are knowledgeable about how the brain works will help you. Break ups are, essentially, withdrawing from a drug. A lot of it is mental. Someone with knowledge of how brain associations (and dissociations) work can only help. Link to post Share on other sites
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