Motivation

[Dontfindme]

How does one get motivated after a breakup, or any sort of personal tragedy? I think that's my major issue right now. I'm not sitting around crying over him anymore. (Hopefully this isn't temporary.) But I don't want to do much. How do/did you guys find the willpower to get out there and start doing things? How did you reinvent/improve yourselves?

 

All I have been doing is TV show marathons, I recently got laid off so I don't even work anymore. I have classes starting tomorrow, but that's about the only productive thing happening. Sadly I feel so comfortable just staying home and watching TV, but I also realize I'm wasting my time, and talents doing this. I just don't know how to force myself out there. Nor do I have tangible hobbies to hold on to. Going out with my friends is great, but all we do is go out to eat, and then get drunk. Which is great here and there, but ultimately it's not bettering me.

[hockeydan]

It took me a few weeks to start to get active again. Like you, I went out with friends, got wasted, had some fun, but ended up back home the next day wanting to do nothing.

 

The first two weeks I sat around and watched TV shows on Hulu and Netflix because they required the least amount of energy and overall thought. After that I started to get more motivation to do other things. Started hanging out with friends doing things that didn't require drinking. Saw more of my family and became more sociable.

 

If there was a motto for the coping boards, I think it would be "It just takes time." I cut myself off from her in every way I could. Blocked on all social media, removed items from my life that she gave me/reminded me of her. I still think about her everyday, but my motivation is back and I am not crying every day anymore.

[JDPT]

I'm currently at roughly a year and few months post BU. I took myself back to the gym, regardless of the excruciating emotional pain I was in, I still made it my business to get in there and exert myself physically somehow. I went on to reading tons of self help articles that lifted the spirits temporarily yet planted seeds for personal growth and well being. Surround yourself with positive individuals, those who can provide sound and honest advice. I think this past BU has brought me together to my parents specially my mother who never fails to be there for me and always speaks from the heart, all I need to do is listen. View this BU as a challenge, are you up for it? don't allow it to defeat you, power through these rough time and I guarantee you that it does get better in due time and tons of effort set forth on your behalf.

[lop98]

Fake it till you make it worked for me. When my breakup just happened, I would open my eyes every morning and stare at the ceiling thinking of him and how much I missed him, then about the possibility of him contacting me, then the anger that it was not going to happen because he was with someone else, then jealousy, anger, pain, tears, sadness, sometimes a bit of quietness and then repeat. I would get out of bed knowing my day was ruined but I didn't care about anything. Fast forward to the night, I'd lay on my bed before sleeping and proceed to do the same, if I was lucky I'd fall asleep within an hour or two, sometimes I'd fall asleep by 6 am.

 

This lasted for about two months, two months that impacted my professional and academic life and later my body, I lost a lot of weight, got some grey hairs (I'm in my 20s) and my frown line is now here to stay. I also couldn't stomach most food and had a permanent headache as a result of my new habits.

 

Despite this, I still didn't care. I just felt numb and uninterested on everything, I wasn't even self destructive, I just didn't want to do a single thing for me or for my life, but in the back of my head, just like you know it otherwise you wouldn't ask, I knew I deserved and was capable of better. This tiny bit of hope is really what pulled me out of that dark hole.

 

I started reading around... taking advice from closed ones ("go out!" "it's just a guy you'll get over him!"), it all sounded very silly and it seemed like they didn't quite understand exactly the depth of my pain... it wasn't going to go away by "going out!", but you know what? I had ran out of ideas and all my efforts from my bed had failed, so I started trying that. I renewed my gym subscription and I started going out as often as my budget allowed me, paying visits to my friends and relatives at least once a week and inviting them to come over, I even joined a Sunday meditation group at the park. I wasn't interested in any of this, I didn't even feel like laughing at first but soon enough that came back and I started to feel some enthusiasm about daily happenings. I was going to the gym every night, angry, losing myself to cardio so I could forget about these two at least for an hour, I don't know how and when but I really reached my best shape to date without even noticing and naturally started getting a lot of attention from guys that were actually much better-looking than the ex. Even though I wasn't interested in that, my self-esteem (previously buried somewhere) started going up.

 

After some time of doing this, I ended up meeting a wonderful man, I was over the ex but not the breakup, but having fun never killed anyone, I was always honest from the start and we took it very slow. After a few months I fell in love, got in a relationship with him, got a good job... I really cannot say exactly when I stopped feeling the pain and my enthusiasm for life came back, but it did and it was just by believing in a routine and being disciplined, because I wasn't disciplined at all... I'd pamper myself and make pity parties at first and now the memory that someone so worthless had me like that kind of pisses me off. Just know that it's important to live through the pain and face it and then up you go, whether you want it or not cause life really goes on but you have to stick to a plan to find the motivation and energy to enjoy it again sometimes.

 

Good luck!

[Dontfindme]

It took me a few weeks to start to get active again. Like you, I went out with friends, got wasted, had some fun, but ended up back home the next day wanting to do nothing.

 

The first two weeks I sat around and watched TV shows on Hulu and Netflix because they required the least amount of energy and overall thought. After that I started to get more motivation to do other things. Started hanging out with friends doing things that didn't require drinking. Saw more of my family and became more sociable.

 

If there was a motto for the coping boards, I think it would be "It just takes time." I cut myself off from her in every way I could. Blocked on all social media, removed items from my life that she gave me/reminded me of her. I still think about her everyday, but my motivation is back and I am not crying every day anymore.

 

I guess I am taking way longer than two weeks. Yeah, it's sort of like that for me too, I go out, it's good times, and then when I get back I want to be isolated from it all even when I know if I do go out, I will probably have a good time.

 

I wish I could figure out how this motivation arises, because I feel that I am lagging - I should be doing more, but I don't. Luckily, my ex doesn't have any social media platform on which he's active, I just need to block him on my phone - not that he will ever call me. He's done. And I am getting there too, slowly.

 

I'm happy that you are doing better. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Dontfindme]

I'm currently at roughly a year and few months post BU. I took myself back to the gym, regardless of the excruciating emotional pain I was in, I still made it my business to get in there and exert myself physically somehow. I went on to reading tons of self help articles that lifted the spirits temporarily yet planted seeds for personal growth and well being. Surround yourself with positive individuals, those who can provide sound and honest advice. I think this past BU has brought me together to my parents specially my mother who never fails to be there for me and always speaks from the heart, all I need to do is listen. View this BU as a challenge, are you up for it? don't allow it to defeat you, power through these rough time and I guarantee you that it does get better in due time and tons of effort set forth on your behalf.

 

The self-help articles get me by. They inspire me, but they haven't propelled be forward into action yet, perhaps I've just been moved mentally - I want to figure out how to change this into action. It sort of sounds like, in your case, it really just came down to just doing it and getting out there.

 

I need to get there, badly. I, also, have developed a great relationship with my mother throughout this breakup. She has been my best friend. But even she needs a break here and there.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Dontfindme]

Fake it till you make it worked for me. When my breakup just happened, I would open my eyes every morning and stare at the ceiling thinking of him and how much I missed him, then about the possibility of him contacting me, then the anger that it was not going to happen because he was with someone else, then jealousy, anger, pain, tears, sadness, sometimes a bit of quietness and then repeat. I would get out of bed knowing my day was ruined but I didn't care about anything. Fast forward to the night, I'd lay on my bed before sleeping and proceed to do the same, if I was lucky I'd fall asleep within an hour or two, sometimes I'd fall asleep by 6 am.

 

This lasted for about two months, two months that impacted my professional and academic life and later my body, I lost a lot of weight, got some grey hairs (I'm in my 20s) and my frown line is now here to stay. I also couldn't stomach most food and had a permanent headache as a result of my new habits.

 

Despite this, I still didn't care. I just felt numb and uninterested on everything, I wasn't even self destructive, I just didn't want to do a single thing for me or for my life, but in the back of my head, just like you know it otherwise you wouldn't ask, I knew I deserved and was capable of better. This tiny bit of hope is really what pulled me out of that dark hole.

 

I started reading around... taking advice from closed ones ("go out!" "it's just a guy you'll get over him!"), it all sounded very silly and it seemed like they didn't quite understand exactly the depth of my pain... it wasn't going to go away by "going out!", but you know what? I had ran out of ideas and all my efforts from my bed had failed, so I started trying that. I renewed my gym subscription and I started going out as often as my budget allowed me, paying visits to my friends and relatives at least once a week and inviting them to come over, I even joined a Sunday meditation group at the park. I wasn't interested in any of this, I didn't even feel like laughing at first but soon enough that came back and I started to feel some enthusiasm about daily happenings. I was going to the gym every night, angry, losing myself to cardio so I could forget about these two at least for an hour, I don't know how and when but I really reached my best shape to date without even noticing and naturally started getting a lot of attention from guys that were actually much better-looking than the ex. Even though I wasn't interested in that, my self-esteem (previously buried somewhere) started going up.

 

After some time of doing this, I ended up meeting a wonderful man, I was over the ex but not the breakup, but having fun never killed anyone, I was always honest from the start and we took it very slow. After a few months I fell in love, got in a relationship with him, got a good job... I really cannot say exactly when I stopped feeling the pain and my enthusiasm for life came back, but it did and it was just by believing in a routine and being disciplined, because I wasn't disciplined at all... I'd pamper myself and make pity parties at first and now the memory that someone so worthless had me like that kind of pisses me off. Just know that it's important to live through the pain and face it and then up you go, whether you want it or not cause life really goes on but you have to stick to a plan to find the motivation and energy to enjoy it again sometimes.

 

Good luck!

 

Your experience resonates with me so much. I'm not even sure what to reply here; just know that you have given me so much hope. And I really hope, that like you, my hope pulls me out of this pit, before I waste away any longer.

 

Thank you so much. I will read this over and over until I, too, can begin my disciplined life.

[lop98]

I'm glad it helped you. At the time I was so skeptical, I really felt like something inside me had died when the relationship ended. Shock and loss combined make for quite a believable ride, which thankfully is not as permanent as it feels, I can promise you that!

 

I treated myself like a patient and went 100% mechanical on my recovery. I relied on my phone to set up my timer and give myself no more than 5 minutes in bed upon waking up and then straight to the shower. I'd put on makeup and look decent even on Sundays, I'd watch funny videos on youtube before sleeping, drank more water, more vegetables, almonds and chocolate and everything that came up on google as antidepressant , of course blocked and deleted him everywhere, even myself in the accounts that I felt he was watching... I still struggled with snooping so for a while I wore a bracelet to drop the habit (touch and meditate every time you feel tempted to lurk). My bed and the view from my bed also reminded me of a safe spot I could cry on... so I changed all of that (color, position, decor), also deleted the music that reminded me of him and got into new one. I stopped wearing a gray sweater I wore a lot the first days after the BU. Oh and got a new phone and sim card!

 

It may all sound ridiculous but minor changes (only you know what will work for you) do open up more room for new ideas and bring more hope.

 

It's natural to still cry. The frequency will fade and you will feel like you're getting there but something unexpected a few months later may trigger memories and bring all the emotions back. That is also okay, just know that doesn't really mean anything other than the fact that you're still recovering and that you still must stick to your plan.

[Reels]

Whenever you will realize that you have some duties to fulfill everyday.

[JDPT]

The self-help articles get me by. They inspire me, but they haven't propelled be forward into action yet, perhaps I've just been moved mentally - I want to figure out how to change this into action. It sort of sounds like, in your case, it really just came down to just doing it and getting out there.

 

I need to get there, badly. I, also, have developed a great relationship with my mother throughout this breakup. She has been my best friend. But even she needs a break here and there.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

 

Don't rush the process, take your time with this, go through every single phase and process it accordingly. You stand where you stand in this point in your life for a reason, power through these rough times. I recall telling someone when they took a "tough love" approach at trying to get me to come out and start living again, I responded "please don't ask me to be something I'm not right now..." with that being said, and as crazy as this may sound, embrace your current situation and internalize the fact that this is YOU, however, this pain will eventually subside and you will start to breathe again. Pace yourself and just go through the motions regardless of your heart, mind or body not being there.