Off and on relationship turned into love and heartbreak

[MileHighGuy]

I'm sorry this is really long, I wanted to share this story and it covers a few years:

 

I met this girl about two or three years ago and we began dating each other for a few months. Eventually, we mutually ended things after the relationship wasn't feeling right, but agreed to stay friends.

 

Come to find out, she had actually developed some very strong feelings toward me that I didn't think I shared because I didn't think I was ready for a relationship at the time. Naturally she was actually very devastated that we broke up, but I had no idea because she didn't seem to show it.

 

After a short period of not really hearing from each other much, we had started to reconnect romantically on and off for a long while, but still never really made a commitment to be in an "official" relationship. If was during this time that I started to realize more and more that I was actually falling in love with her - my first love actually. Things seemed to be going great - she had told me she loved me, and I was preparing myself to ask her out again, but hesitated because she started becoming a bit distant and started giving off mixed signals.

 

Fast forward a bit, and out of the blue one day she is suddenly in a relationship with a guy she had apparently met during the time she had become distant with me. This time, I was the one who was devastated. I removed her from all social media, but after a few days I contacted her through text and a couple phone calls to try and get answers from her. She had explained that it was nothing that I did directly, but that she was confused and the feelings she had for me were so strong that she was scared of being hurt again. Even though I was heartbroken, I was understanding and told her that I would always still love her and be there for her, but needed some time away, after which I immediately began no contact.

 

Fast forward again, and after a few weeks of no contact, she texted me telling me that she missed me and that she knew she made the wrong decision. Basically, the dream text for anyone who has ever wanted to get back with their ex. I was firm, and told her that if it was really true, to wait a while longer and see if those feelings still existed. She contacted me a few more times after that, and a few weeks later, she was no longer in a relationship and back to wanting to be with me.

 

We began getting intimately involved with each other again and, because she seemed genuine, this time I made it very clear that my intentions were to be in a relationship again with her. Her response was that she loved me and that I was the only guy she wanted to be with, but first she wanted to get her life together (she had recently lost her job and was trying to go back to school). I agreed to wait because I thought that I could be patient.

 

Turns out, I was scared that she was just going to ditch me again, and I believe it turned me into a very needy, desperate, and crazy looking guy to her. I would get upset when she didn't answer calls or didn't text back when she was probably just busy. She called me out on it and I did stop, but eventually, once again, she started becoming distant to the point where she stopped answering completely. As you can probably guess, she once again ditched me for someone else without so much as a word to me.

 

It was a stupid idea, but after about two weeks of no contact, I sent something through snapchat that showed me laughing and having fun with another girl. She almost immediately sent me some non-personal things in return that day and the next day (her birthday) which I did not reply to.

The night of her birthday, she posted a tweet (I couldn't resist the urge of looking) that said how she's so happy she found an amazing guy who she is already in love with and that she believes that he is her soul mate.

I think she knew I was going to look at her twitter account, and it almost feels like she either was just trying to make me jealous too or that she is just caught up in the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship. Either way, it didn't make me feel good at all.

 

I have not contacted her for weeks and I have not made it apparent to her how sad I really am, but it is driving me crazy knowing how I actually had a second chance and blew it with this girl and that I don't feel like I am ever going to see or hear from her again. We have been a big part of each others lives up this point, but it feels like she never really truly loved me now that she has left, moved on, and forgotten about me so quickly. The pain is nearly unbearable because I can't seem to do the same.