Old emotions resurfaced

[Bishop556]

Be prepared for a long post, so here it comes.

 

So, I was on facebook today and I ran into a photo of my ex with her new boyfriend by complete accident. It hurt and made me feel like I was back to the initial day of the break up. It hurts because I know my ex does not care about me as much as I did for her.

 

This is a summary of my story:

 

So, I have been depressed for a few months before my ex broke up with me. We had a couple of arguments occasionally, but I wouldn't say we fought alot. Anyway, I was undergoing a terrible panic attack one night. I could barely keep my emotions together, and my ex was yelling at me. She pulled on my shoulder and I raised a fist but did not it back. Well, afterwards I started to hit myself as that is my way of coping with a panic attack. I was crying about personal trauma and the fact that I nearly hurt my ex. I felt like such a piece of crap. My ex asked me if I could leave and told me we would talk about what happened tomorrow.

 

Well, the next morning, she came over to my dorm to break up with me. She told me she broke up with me because I could potentially be abusive and that she was no longer happy with how depressed I was the last few weeks. She also stated that we fought a lot, which is not true. We bickered, but never truly fought except once or twice. Anyway, I pleaded, begged, wrote her letters, walked to her house in the rain at night to apologize sincerely with a card and a candle; nothing worked. Well, I found out through Tumblr (she posted all of her sexual conquests on there for the first month or so) that my ex was planning on having sex with a guy she emotionally cheated on me with previously. Apparently, she somehow developed feelings for him in a short three day span post-break up. She would tell me throughout the months before she broke up with me that she had no feelings for him anymore, and I trusted her. I felt mortified due to this, and I confronted her about it. She basically told me that I need to learn my lesson so I never abuse anyone else again, and that since she is single she can do whatever she wants sexually with anyone she wishes, which is true but why did it have to be with the guy you emotionally cheated on me with and only a week post-breakup? A couple weeks passed as she asked me for various favors, things that truly trivial, such as "Where do I find the front desk in the library?" just so she could relieve her guilt about ending the relationship with me. She would usually respond, "Thank you, friend." or some similar. Anyway, she desperately wanted to be friends with me, and I desperately wanted her back, of course. Well, she is now in a new relationship with another guy only a month post-break up. I harrased her on Tumblr which was a stupid move on my part, and she told me that she never wanted to speak to me again, and I respected her wishes.

 

 

 

 

 

I was with my therapist today and she told me that I have the tendency to put all the blame on myself, and weigh myself with guilt. I have to agree as I felt, and still do in some regards that everything was my fault. If I could have done one thing differently, then she would still be with me. It hurts knowing that my ex is so much happier without me in her life. She looks very happy with her new lover, and I am here still trying to recover from the hurt of everything that occurred. I would believe I was completely abusive, and that I deserved less. Every from of insult, I would take to heart as I felt I deserved her verbal abuse towards me. And while I am more positive and happier, I still feel the pangs of the experience.

 

So, my question is gow does one fully recover from a bad break up? I felt better due to the passage of time, but this sent me back to day one. I never want to return to my depressed state of who I was, I never want to return to that. Any advice, kind words, and such would be appreciated. I just need a friend right now.

Edited April 5, 2014 by Bishop556

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

You won't like this, and I struggle to accept it sometimes, but the answer is time. I would argue, in some cases, you never fully get over your ex. I'm 4 years BU now and I recently sent my ex a message because her dad is ill. Now, we haven't spoken in 4 years, but for the last week I've been completely unable to get her out of my mind and I'm not sure why. No one really knows why people feel for someone, why it's so strong, why it lingers. I can tell you how I dealt with 4 years of it though; I moved on with my life. I still thought about the girl, but it didn't stop me dating, it didn't stop me laughing (eventually) and when those old emotions resurface (as they are wont to do from time to time) I just continue with my life in the knowledge that something will happen to drive her from my thoughts.

 

Anyway, it's worked for me for the last 4 years and I really hope it works for you. You'll get there. Just give it time.