How to cope with anger after a breakup?

[ponchsox]

10 days ago, my ex GF suddenly ended our relationship of almost two years. I am feeling extremely angry the way it went down because put in a lot effort into the relationship while getting little in return. It's partly my fault because I should have ended it long ago. I feel like I was duped by the whole thing.

 

Has anyone else experienced a lot of anger post breakup and how did you cope with it?

[Lizrd3000]

Yes.

 

I feel you.

 

you didnt state alot about your relationship, but what you've said I can relate. my ex ended it too, even though I should have, because I have all the reason to and she didnt. she even admitted it was her not me. I felt angry because I wanted to fix ''us'' but she didnt think it'd work.

 

something that eases the pain: both, you AND me, will find someone who can return the love we give out, unlike your bitch ex and my bitch ex!

 

*mad* lol

[ponchsox]

I look back at the relationship and realize what a narcissistic and controlling person she was. She got what she wanted out of it, and when she wanted to end it, she just crumbled me up and threw me in the garbage like a piece of paper.

 

I actually broke up with her a year ago because something didn't feel right. After I broke up with her, I agreed to meet her and I reconciled thinking it would get better. Next time, I will go with my gut. A year later and a lot more emotionally energy spent and I feel like I wasted my time and just kept her company.

 

I was her first relationship after her divorce. We wanted two different things. She wanted a companion to make her feel good when she needed a man around and I was looking for a potential wife.

 

Lessened learned, compatibility on all levels is a must before a LTR. I got caught up in her looks and the affection crap.

 

She also told me once that she felt jaded after her ex husband abandoned her. That should have been a huge red flag that she didn't have any love to give in return.

Edited October 6, 2013 by ponchsox

[AnnaAnna]

It's been 9 days for me and I'm still very angry. That's normal and there will be times where you will be sad and times where you will be angry. Just no matter what you do make sure you don't act out on those angry feelings. Stay strong!

[ponchsox]

It's been 9 days for me and I'm still very angry. That's normal and there will be times where you will be sad and times where you will be angry. Just no matter what you do make sure you don't act out on those angry feelings. Stay strong!

 

Oh I did already, I texted her and told her how I felt.

 

When I realized I was making it worse I went NC.

[AnnaAnna]

Oh I did already, I texted her and told her how I felt.

 

When I realized I was making it worse I went NC.

 

I'm sorry. No matter how hard you try to make her understand you will only make things worse for yourself. You'll just end up looking desperate.

NC is the best way to go. It will give you both time to cool off.

Hang in there. If she loves you, she will come back to you.

[mtnbiker3000]

I relate a lot to this thread. You described a very similar situation as I had. My ex took, as I continued to give. I also was hung up on surface level crap, such as looks. I also should have broken up with her, but didn't. I am now realizing why, and trying to correct bad behaviors/patterns on my part.

 

For me it was like her problems were our problems while my problems were my problems. I was always there for her while she never showed much concern or compassion for me. Yet, I stuck around until she was done with it, and she tossed me like yesterdays coffee grounds... Lesson learned!!

 

And, yes, I have quite a bit of anger around this as well. Angry at her and myself. Not sure who more...

[JoelBarish]

Have you tried punching a pillow? I've done that

[JoelBarish]

Have you tried punching a pillow? I've done that

 

Holy crap, I just noticed I already have over 260 posts! My ex really got to me....grrr

[lookingforbalance]

I am there as well, still a lot of anger. I got caught up in her looks and sympathized with her past, that she never dealt with. Got used for what she needed for a year and a half, should have got out myself, and didn't. I got hardly anything in return the whole time, just small carrots to keep me hooked. She has decided to rewrite history as well, so she looks like the victim. She is really good at that.

I have examined the relationship, taken responsibility for my mistakes, and am just letting the anger and sadness take me over. I would rather just take it in and go through it than fight it, we have to go through it at some point, better sooner than later.

Hang in there my brother.

[lop98]

Cardio. I doubled the intensity and started going at night. Also listened to a lot of angry songs while lifting weight, it felt so good!

 

Watched funny videos before sleeping. Why? because right before falling asleep (if I slept at all) I'd go over and over the memories and relive the pain and go through sadness and anger back and forth, obsessively. The worst parts of the day for me were right before sleeping and when waking up so I made sure I had material to force myself to watch. It didn't make me forget but it did work as enough distraction when needed.

 

Lots of water. Sounds BS but it does make a difference.

 

More sleep. You're more rested, your nervous system is less screwed up... I noticed that I was at my angriest when I had little sleep.

 

LS. Possibly the best outlet for me to get past the anger. I was still angry 3 months later. Posting in the 'post instead of contacting your ex' thread was BIG help... I just fired away and knowing it was publicly made me feel better, like at least I wasn't bottling everything inside and it was getting out somewhere. Also everyday I would feel angry about different things, I started a thread or two about these things and getting a reality-check from other members and knowing other people felt the same but got through it was good help and gave me hope.

 

Good luck! it's a slow process, just take one day at a time.