ex calls week before she get married

[ion]

Hi All,

 

 

I have been lurking on this group for the past year.

 

 

I must say thank you all for telling your stories, it had made me feel like I wasn't the only on going thru the heartache and problems after the breakup with my ex-girlfriend last summer. It gave me a lot of strength to

hear others facing their problems and living.

 

 

My breakup was painful for many reasons. Afterwards it became worst when she started dating a friend/coworker basically a week later. I was devastated. We talked for 3 weeks after that, me simply not comprehending how she could be done and over it, had have moved on to someone else. Over the course of the fall we saw each other a few times at group dances we both attended. In a fit of disperation, I asked her to marry me. Of course, it was far to late for that, but it was a relief in the sense, I didn't have the regret of not having asked her. I did ask her to tell me whenever she got married, so I would hear it from her and not thru mutual friends.

 

 

We didn't talk for five months. She called this past April to let me know, she was getting married to the same guy. I wished her well and said I would prefer not to see her until after she got married.

 

 

I thought honestly it would be the last time we talked for many years due to her moving, new job and other circumstances. However, she showed up at a few dances where she knew I would be. I basically ignored her once and the second time, she approached me directly. She asked me are we not going to talk? I shrugged my shoulders and kinda of said I'm not sure. Really what is the point, I thought. Anyway, a few days later I emailed her saying I didn't think we could be friends at this point and I would appreciate not seeing her until after she got married. That was Memorial Day weekend.

 

 

Last Saturday, I got a call from her letting me know she was going dancing at place I frequent. It was a suprise to say the least. I called her back and told her fine, I was going out of town. She is getting married this coming Sunday. The conversation on the phone was probably the first good not looking back conversation since we broke up. However, it was still painful afterwards.

 

 

I ended up emailing her on Tuesday, saying I don't understand how or why she can not comprehend contacting me before she gets married would be hurtful. There is a still a lot of pain for me. For her it's exactly the opposite.

 

 

It just makes me sad. I feel like she's being cruel for no reason. I don't understand why she can't leave me alone.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Ion

[TommyGirl]

I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. I exactly understand what you are going through. DO you think that she is contacting because she feels guilty about breaking up with you? Why did you guys break up?

[seeking_closure04]

Damn, now talk about being shot down in flames.....Did she even take into consideration on how you'd feel, as far as her calling you, frequenting certain places you go to ? I feel for you buddy, but for her to call you the week before her wedding, and then for her to expect any kind of good response from you; dude, you're far better off without her. I mean, there's still some good, honorable women out there and I'm sure you're a stand up guy. Just move on, have fun, and don't let her get the best of you.

[ion]

Originally posted by TommyGirl

I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. I exactly understand what you are going through. DO you think that she is contacting because she feels guilty about breaking up with you? Why did you guys break up?

 

I think earlier in the past she felt guilty. I think now, she simply doesn't care. Some friends have said that she is just being selfish. I just have a hard time believing anyone, let alone, she could be that insensitive.

[ion]

Originally posted by seeking_closure04

Damn, now talk about being shot down in flames.....Did she even take into consideration on how you'd feel, as far as her calling you, frequenting certain places you go to ? I feel for you buddy, but for her to call you the week before her wedding, and then for her to expect any kind of good response from you; dude, you're far better off without her. I mean, there's still some good, honorable women out there and I'm sure you're a stand up guy. Just move on, have fun, and don't let her get the best of you.

 

I think that's what I said to her the two times we talked since she told me she was getting married. Some consideration would be nice in the situation. The worst is to accept she simply cares nothing for me at this point. I would like to have some memories that she cared at least.

[seeking_closure04]

I totally understand what you said about having some memories that she cared, there's nothing wrong with that at all. The way it looks to me is as if she doesn't give a damn about your feelings, and it doesn't even appear that she has any signs of guilt. Otherwise, if she did have a heart, she would've talked it over to you rather than just say, "Hey, I'm getting married," and nothing more. Your best bet is to just take your time, find the right girl, and just focus on that one girl from that point on without looking back. Besides, sooner or later, you're ex is going to see what she truly lost but it'll be too late for her. Go out there, find that girl, be happy together, and just forget about the other girl.

[ion]

Originally posted by seeking_closure04

I totally understand what you said about having some memories that she cared, there's nothing wrong with that at all. The way it looks to me is as if she doesn't give a damn about your feelings, and it doesn't even appear that she has any signs of guilt. Otherwise, if she did have a heart, she would've talked it over to you rather than just say, "Hey, I'm getting married," and nothing more. Your best bet is to just take your time, find the right girl, and just focus on that one girl from that point on without looking back. Besides, sooner or later, you're ex is going to see what she truly lost but it'll be too late for her. Go out there, find that girl, be happy together, and just forget about the other girl.

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I went out a few dates in the past 6 months, but my heart wasn't really in it at the time.

 

I hope this changes with more time.

[seeking_closure04]

Hey man, all it takes is time so just go with the flow and have fun, but just take your time. No point on rushing things, you know. You'll see the brighter side of things; well, I'm pretty sure you already are, but just take it slow and easy. Glad to help out.

[ion]

Well my ex got married last Sunday.

 

Tore me up all weekend and it's been a hard week, still, but things are getting better.

 

Maybe I was being pathetic but wanted to know how her wedding went. We had talked

about getting married alot, kind of in the vain of negotiating what we both would want and not want.

 

I was considering calling mutual friends to find out, when I lucked out in a sense.

 

That Sunday night I went to a dance and a mutual friend and her boyfriend were there.

They had just come back from the reception. She ended up telling me how it was and how

happy my ex was.

 

While, I was sad and still am, it did make me happy to hear she was beautiful on her wedding

day. All the little details were her style and wishes.

 

This friend who I had seen in the year since the breakup, I had not really talked with about

the breakup. She told me some things about how surprised they had been to hear we had

broken up and some of the details I hadn't known. This friend also said it was not good for my

ex to have tried to talk with me a few times before she got married. That definitely made me

feel a lot better to hear, it was kind of a mean thing to do.

 

But, apparently my ex had gotten engaged 4-6 weeks after I had asked her to marry me.

That was one of the questions I had for her when she called to tell me she was getting married,

and she wouldn't tell me.

 

I just feel like going out and running for a while.