Is this a rebound?

[thishatteredsymphony]

My ex, K, broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. It was a very nasty end to what I thought was a wonderful relationship. She cheated on me and left me for the other guy. I moved out and moved home, and he ended up moving in with her. I've been no contact for 4 weeks. The first 2 weeks I was staying with her sister who graciously offered me a place to stay so I could finish off my two week's notice with my job. Stupidly I also kept talking to my ex during those 2 weeks, making every mistake you can make in the book when it comes to dealing with a break up. The whole "let's be friends" blah blah blah. When I moved home I came to my senses and told her I couldn't contact her anymore.

 

Anyway... moving on from the ex, let's back track several years ago. I met this girl, M, when I started college but nothing went further than a fairly simple friendship. Didn't even really hang out outside school. But then in 2009 I realized I started having feelings for her. Back then I was extremely shy and introverted and never acted on my feelings. Eventually my feelings died down but we continued to hang out.

 

The summer of 2010 was when I met K. Up until the very end when she cheated on me it was actually a wonderful relationship.

 

So, here's what's going on now... Although M and I haven't exactly had the closest friendship since we first met, we've talked a lot and in the past have done things together with groups, but never really just the two of us. And when K broke up with me, M was one of the first people to get in touch with me and make sure I was okay. She responded faster than some of my own family members.

 

Since moving home I haven't hung out with her, but we've been talking every so often and she will continue to ask sometimes if I'm doing okay.

 

I feel like the feelings I had for her once are coming back. I've always enjoyed talking to her, but now it's somewhat becoming more. I know I'm not fully over K yet (literally two days before I found out, I was shopping for a damn engagement ring), but I can't deny I've been thinking about M a lot lately.

 

I know comparing your ex to a new potential romantic interest is not fair, but let me explain why I was so attracted to these two girls: total compatibility. Both girls are writers, both love to read, both love to be nerds, both are creative, both are passionate when it comes to the things they love to do, both are fiery and adventurous.

 

In other words, they both had the same qualities as I do which made me so attracted to them in the first place.

 

The major difference I see now is that K has always had insecurities that led her to feeling she needed validation from a man. Unlike M, K has had very little confidence in herself and generally felt alone in the world unless she was dating someone (this is something she told me when we first started dating, a major red flag I should have spotted, but alas, love is blind).

 

M, however, has never seen it necessary to have someone in her life to be happy. And I truly admire that about her.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts about this? I know the decision is ultimately up to me. I just would like some opinions.

Edited July 22, 2013 by thishatteredsymphony

[Philosoraptor]

It's fine to date a bit, but you could rebound if you let it get too serious before you've closed out the past. It would be quite unfair to M for her to be compared to a girl in the past.

 

If M is so great she will still be great in time once you're fully prepared for what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship.

[thishatteredsymphony]

It's fine to date a bit, but you could rebound if you let it get too serious before you've closed out the past. It would be quite unfair to M for her to be compared to a girl in the past.

 

If M is so great she will still be great in time once you're fully prepared for what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship.

 

This is very true. M is truly a wonderful woman and absolutely does not deserve to be a rebound.