Ex cheated, given second chance and now gone back to the guy she cheated with

[LFRM]

I've been following LS for a while now and want to share my experiences and hear your thoughts on my situation.

 

I was in a relationship with an girl for 4 years, most of the time it was long distance i.e. she lived in another country and didn't have English as a main language like me.

 

I'm in my 30s and my ex was a few years younger than me.

 

We first met when she was doing an internship in the city I work in.

 

After the first year together, she returned to the country she came from and we visited each other about every 4-6 weeks for long weekends.

 

By the 2nd anniversary of our relationship I found out that she had slept with one of her classmates she met during this period. I didn't have time to see her during this time as I was taking exams for work and she was studying as well. But I gave her a second chance. The guy she slept was going away to study and I believed it was because I neglected her during that time.

 

After giving her a second chance, I felt we got stronger. She again moved away from her home country to another country to study for a year and I flew to see her often seeing her sometimes 2-3 times a month. I thought I had the responsibilty for us to meet as I was working and I wasn't there when she cheated on me. During this time I considered to propose to her and even bought an exotic holiday for us together but I didn't do it.

 

By the fourth year of our relationship, she again moved back to her country. She started drifting away from me and in the end she ended it as she said she felt different. She blamed the demise of our relationship on the following:

 

1) During the 4th year of our relationship, I was buying a flat. She said one factor of her drifting away was that I did not ask her for her input, despite the fact that I had asked her for opinions and the fact she was studying.

 

2) One of her family passed away which made her re-evaluate her life.

 

3) I did not speak her language enough in that she got bored translating.

 

4) Neither of us properly discussed our future e.g. was I to go to her country or vice versa.

 

We split and were amicable, still chatting online and I met her for dinner when I was working in the country she lived.

 

Recently I found out that she is now in a relationship with the guy who she slept with when we were together. I feel that if it was a new guy she just met, I would be fine with it and still be in touch but the fact that it is with the guy she cheated on when we were together I feel betrayed. It feels like I was led on after I gave her a second chance. Only a few of her friends know about how she slept with her current boyfriend when we were together. I feel a great injustice and feel like letting everyone know what a true person she is.

 

I feel like all the effort I put in to make the relationship work when I gave her a second chance was for nothing. It hurts more as I'm still single and she's gone back to the cheater.

 

Am I right to feel this way or do I leave sleeping dogs lie?

[magneet]

Sleep on your decision mate.

 

being nasty back might just bite you in the bum - if you feel after a while that's still what you want to, go for it.

 

On the rest of things I feel for you... I really do. It sucks, hurts and is frustrating.

 

But you will get through it.

[LFRM]

Everyone I says just leave her alone and let karma runs it course....

 

I find it ironic that the guy she is with now is now heading abroad for 6 months considering she said she didn't want another long distance. Lack of jobs in their country is one of the main reasons. It'll be interesting to see what happens consider that she cheated and he took advantage....

[AllTooWell]

There is no "right" or "wrong" in feelings. If you are hurt by how she is acting, you are hurt.

 

However there are right and wrong in actions. You want to let people know what she's really like - why? To hurt her, to try and make her feel pain as you are feeling. But you know what? That will just make YOU look bad. It won't have the effect you want it to. Her friends, family etc will just think you are so hung up and immature that you're trying to sabotage her life.

 

 

The four reasons she gave you are valid but the fact is she doesn't need a reason to not want to be with you. But these are also solid reasons that are not going to change - there is nothing you can do to get her back. The fact is that the final reason she left you was her lack of feelings - which is demonstrated in the fact she is now with someone else and is willing to overlook long distance for him.

 

 

That sounds cruel but it's true. She doesn't want to be with you, regardless of what reasons she cites, that's all that matters.

 

I don't know WHY you're in contact with this girl. It sounds like she kept you around to ease herself out of the breakup and into a new relationship. If you're so hurt it is because you still have feelings for her, and this is reason enough to cut all contact with her. You are in no place to be "friends". You need to go NC, wait, and once you are OVER HER then you can try and create a friendship. Why you want to be friends with this woman, I do not know.

 

 

 

If you say anything to her, her friends, your friends, etc, you will simply make YOURSELF look bad. Save your self, go NC, cut this girl out of your life. Save the drama for television

[StrongLass]

Only a few of her friends know about how she slept with her current boyfriend when we were together. I feel a great injustice and feel like letting everyone know what a true person she is.

 

I feel like all the effort I put in to make the relationship work when I gave her a second chance was for nothing. It hurts more as I'm still single and she's gone back to the cheater.

 

Am I right to feel this way or do I leave sleeping dogs lie?

 

I wouldn't trumpet it from the rooftops for the sake of not looking bitter & damaged (that would NOT work toward your advantage at this point), but if anyone asks you about what happened feel free to share the details of her classes actions.

 

As for her?... that karma payout will be a bi*ch eventually. That is all.

[LFRM]

I agree with you guys. I spent so much time and effort with her and for what. Now's a time to walk away completely. At least I can say I've never cheated and can say what will happen if it happens in the future. I will just walk away, no second chances.

 

I don't want anything to do with her for these reasons, purely the fact the effort given after the second chance only for her in the end to go back to the guy she cheated with.

 

Some of our mutual friends already know the reasons, and if they asked what happened I will be truthful, but apart from that I won't do anything as differcult as it seems.

 

Yes and I hope karma plays it out, but as said, I don't want anything to do with her.