Why couldnt we have just stayed friends?

[richard9]

So, I think im around 6 months since the break up now, 3 months since NC. I am much better, I say better, it would be more accurate to say, I have learned to live without her and adapted to my present lifestyle. It's like a tolerance you have to build up, i'll relate it to being in prison; you miss your life and are in the ****tist place ever but you become used to being there.

 

This leads me to me question, surprisingly I cant actually remember the pain she caused me, the memories of us together are also becoming distant. I guess this shows that NC DOES work if you stick to it. However the problem now is I find myself asking why couldnt we just have been friends? I understand why I am asking this, it's because I cannot remember the pain I was in, I know it was bad but it has sort of mellowed.

 

I cant remember the way i felt when the was using me, and when she would lie to me, and when she left me to go party and chase different guys. I think because I cant remember the pain, that it is now im thinking why couldnt we have stayed friends. In reality it would have killed me to stay friends I loved her so much at that time. So I guess ive answered my own question.

 

Anyone else thought this way, or have any comments? I think ive actually moved on, not fully, I still think of her, but the pain is no longer there. I do miss her sometimes, but it doesnt hurt the way it did.

 

On a side note, I certainly wouldnt want friendship now, she caused me too much pain, and I know she is not the same person as she was when I was with her. People dont change completely and im sure there's something remaining that I would remember and deep down still love. But she used me towards the end of the relationship (for about 6 months) and I know she would use me again.

 

I no longer want her to miss me, or say sorry, i just want her to move on with her life and not contact me, whats in the past is in the past.

 

Just my thoughts at 6 months after breakup, hope they help someone.

Edited April 23, 2013 by richard9

[TaraMaiden]

So, I think im around 6 months since the break up now, 3 months since NC. I am much better, I say better, it would be more accurate to say, I have learned to live without her and adapted to my present lifestyle. ....

 

This leads me to me question, surprisingly I cant actually remember the pain she caused me, the memories of us together are also becoming distant. I guess this shows that NC DOES work if you stick to it. However the problem now is I find myself asking why couldnt we just have been friends? I understand why I am asking this, it's because I cannot remember the pain I was in, I know it was bad but it has sort of mellowed.

 

I cant remember the way i felt when the was using me, and when she would lie to me, and when she left me to go party and chase different guys. I think because I cant remember the pain, that it is now im thinking why couldnt we have stayed friends. In reality it would have killed me to stay friends I loved her so much at that time. So I guess ive answered my own question.

 

Anyone else thought this way, or have any comments? I think ive actually moved on, not fully, I still think of her, but the pain is no longer there. I do miss her sometimes, but it doesnt hurt the way it did.

 

On a side note, I certainly wouldnt want friendship now, she caused me too much pain, and I know she is not the same person as she was when I was with her. People dont change completely and im sure there's something remaining that I would remember and deep down still love. But she used me towards the end of the relationship (for about 6 months) and I know she would use me again.

 

I no longer want her to miss me, or say sorry, i just want her to move on with her life and not contact me, whats in the past is in the past.

 

Just my thoughts at 6 months after breakup, hope they help someone.

 

The reason you can't be friends with someone when they break up with you, is because at the time, the pain is too great.

 

You cannot be a mere 'friend' to someone who hurts you and whom you still love, in either case to whichever degree.

 

Feelings are too raw, too new, too deep and too painful to simply fake them over and pretend everything's cool.

 

See. with friends, you hang out, go to 'the game' together, go to the movies together, go camping together..... but you can't do that with someone when your heart is screaming at the top of its lungs.

 

Read the No Contact Guide (1st post of thread) in my signature....

That explains the 'friendship' myth.

 

You could read the remainder of the thread too.

That explodes it....

[richard9]

Feelings are too raw, too new, too deep and too painful to simply fake them over and pretend everything's cool.

 

See. with friends, you hang out, go to 'the game' together, go to the movies together, go camping together..... but you can't do that with someone when your heart is screaming at the top of its lungs.

 

Spot on!!! Something of what I needed to hear, Thankyou!!

[richard9]

Just wanted to say I had this totally reenforced today! I went shopping with really the only girl friend I have left, we chatted and had a laugh about work and family and such. She also told me about this guy she slept with and how she really likes him and asked me for some advice on the situation, a little early she talked about her ex boyfriend. I thought to myself imagine if she was my ex telling me all this as a friend! It would be an impossible situation, tbh I have a bit of attraction toward my girl friend so it was kind of awkward BUT because I have not been with her or in love with her it was fine and I was able to laugh with her about her relationships.

 

I feel I am almost over my ex apart from when I get tired or lonely and the memories creep in. but theres not a chance in hell I could have sat there listening to my ex talk about such things and not be hurt. Lesson learned THATs why we couldnt have stayed friends.

 

My advice to others dont even try to stay friends if you loved them so much, stay NC and heal.