Coping Vortex Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 As I sit here NC for awhile, its been a crazy ride since the BU. NC then LC then contact then crazy revelations. Many of you know my story especially the recent pregnancy revelation. I have to admit I feel a bit numb now, but also sad. I miss feeling that intense love bond we had. I also miss my best friend. Funny I can't describe what I feel for her anymore, on that front I feel just, well.... numb. I don't know her anymore. I have been confused by all of her actions over the last few months. So my best friend is gone and vanished. I am just left with this strange sadness. Like someone you knew once has died. I miss the joy and love and sheer ecstasy I felt at one time in that relationship. I say that in a general sense. I used to miss that with her specifically. But now I just feel that in general. My connection to her has eroded and decayed. That is sad in its own right. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone out there. I guess I miss being in love. It's sad things have to change so much in our lives. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Being able to seperate your feeling for your ex and the feeling of missing the relationship in geberal is a big step. It shows that its not her your longing, but a person in general. A "bestfriend". A "girlfriend" What you must do now, is fall in love with yourself. I know its said everywhere on this forum... but that is because that is the next step. about two months ago I was able to realize that I missed having a girlfriend, but not necessarily her. I began to do things that I like to do.. I began to fall in love with myself. I started dressing good, eating healthy, working out. At first, I will admit, it was all for her. "Oh man if I can just get really buff and then one day walk by her she will see what she is missing". We all feel like that at one point, but now it is just for myself. Because if you never love yourself, you will always be searching for someone to make you happy. And you will find someone else. No doubt. Its a large world. yet, if a breakup does happen again... you will be right back here, saying the same stories... just in a different time. So my friend, start to realize your worth in this world. Im sure you have, and begin to feel that your fine without her. That you can make it alone because you love yourself and once that happens, you will find the perfect girl. its how it works. Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Mcdonal is so right. I dont think I have ever loved myslef and dont know how to go about it. I even put myslef down infront of others....esp lately. Cv i feel the same.she was my bff, my gf and thought we were going to grow old together.a triple wammie. i miss her and i hate her too...i thoughti knew her but i really didnt know a thing about her! Thought we had same feeling for each other...but we didnt. It was all a lie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CompleteFailure Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I miss feeling that intense love bond we had. I also miss my best friend. I don't know her anymore. I have been confused by all of her actions.. So my best friend is gone and vanished. I am just left with this strange sadness. Like someone you knew once has died. I miss the joy and love and sheer ecstasy I felt at one time in that relationship. I used to miss that with her specifically. My connection to her has eroded and decayed. That is sad in its own right. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone out there. It's sad things have to change so much in our lives. This is pretty much exactly how I feel, I thought those feelings would last forever. When I look through old photo albums I see us as how we were when in love, and the smiles and joy in the memories is something that nothing else I know of can compare too. Now she's moving on so quick. I feel like my best friend, the love in my life died and a doppelganger has replaced her. Its so sad knowing that we'll never be able to go back to that again and even sadder to know that it didn't mean enough to them to want to keep. I think that's one of the hardest parts, having to accept that our reality of how good it was just wasn't good enough for them to want to stay and work it out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CompleteFailure Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Cv i feel the same.she was my bff, my gf and thought we were going to grow old together.a triple wammie. i miss her and i hate her too...i thoughti knew her but i really didnt know a thing about her! Thought we had same feeling for each other...but we didnt. It was all a lie. I think the same things. Its sad that at this point I don't think I'll ever be able to open up to a woman or be vulnerable. I'll just go through the rest of my life not caring if they leave or stay. I don't think I want to invest that much of my heart into anyone other than myself. Guess in this case its better to learn this lesson earlier than opposed to when we're 50-60. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 I think the same things. Its sad that at this point I don't think I'll ever be able to open up to a woman or be vulnerable. I'll just go through the rest of my life not caring if they leave or stay. I don't think I want to invest that much of my heart into anyone other than myself. Guess in this case its better to learn this lesson earlier than opposed to when we're 50-60. I am 50. Heartache doesn't get any easier. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
CompleteFailure Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I am 50. Heartache doesn't get any easier. Trust me. I'm going to squelch the feelings of love in my heart and just concentrate on lust. *crossing my fingers* Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 yah but that seems like an empty lifestyle as well....kinda damned if you do damned if you dont.... time must heal all wounds or this world would be filled with no one that smiles Link to post Share on other sites
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