Things I never Liked About You

[Heartfail]

This is inspired by the other thread here where you write what you want to write to your ex instead of sending to them. One of the things I have felt most helpful on some of my 'worst' days has been listing all the things I didn't like about my ex.

 

I have found that since the break up and realisation about how much I love him I have started to really mentally glorify him. He's so far up on that pedestal I can hardly see him anymore yet there were SO many things about him that bugged me when we together and I find it really helpful thinking about and listing them.

 

Would love to see yours too:

 

I really really hated the following about you:

 

1.How much you loved awful reality TV shows. You made out you were doing it all ironically and it was a laugh but let's be honest you live for that sh**t what's so funny about watching them anyway I'd rather you just admit you like them.

 

2. You sucked your thumb. You are 28 years old FFS. Whilst I understand the addiction and comfort I just felt like it was a bit of an odd thing to do in front of a girl you wanted to sexually desire you

 

3. No one looked more awful in a pair of shorts than you. Why did you insist on wearing those AWFUL red shorts all summer with your incredibly incredibly unflattering radiohead t-shirt?? You do not have the right colouring for red. Don't even get me started on the bike helmet- I'm glad you wear one but wow- highly unflattering/unattractive.

 

4.OH MY GOD YOU WERE A REALLY BAD COOK. The BIGGEST upside to breaking up with you is that I never have to eat your DISGUSTING flavourless over cooked pasta bake ever again. Not to mention your other array of stodgy carb laden food.

 

5. Sometimes when I introduced you to new people I felt a bit embarrassed... I found your OTT 'Hi HOW YOU DOING I'M J" quite cringe sometimes. Like dating a children's TV presenter

 

6.I hated that you didn't enjoy reading the Sunday papers. Literally one of my biggest pleasures in life is to sit and digest the weeks news over a long leisurely breakfast. I found it SO irritating that you don't read papers.

 

7. Your denial of anything slightly dark, difficult or upsetting in life. I'm not saying you need to dwell on the more shadowy corners of life but I do think it;s important and imaginative to man up and have some acceptance and recognition of life's tougher blows.

 

8.You never bought anything new to the table. We just did the same things over and over again. Same bars, same restaurants same cinema. You were always so hesitant when I tried to suggest something a bit spontaneous or out of the blue. You were quite boring in that respect

 

9. Your sister was kind of bitchy and gossip. She did it in the tradition of your family as in it's all lOLS and i'm just joking really but I actually think a lot of her narrow minded petty opinions were more deeply ingrained than that.

 

10.Your high pitched out loud laugh in the cinema was SO embarrassing. It was fake and it was attention seeking. You just have to be the focus in the room even in a dark cinema. I found it deeply unattractive.

 

WOW THAT FELT GREAT!! PLEASE JOIN ME!

[LeliiMarie612]

I really like this idea. It's great that you are able to see the flaws in your past relationship and let them out when you're feeling down about it. I'll post some of mine too.

 

1. He appeared to be a compulsive liar. When I first began to date him, everyone warned me that he was unreliable, but I didn't want to believe it. It wasn't until all his lies began to build up that I realized they were right. He went as far as claiming he was in a severe accident and couldn't see me, then coming back the next day with no injuries whatsoever.

 

2. He has a bad reputation. As in, he gets involved in bad situations and several people don't like him. I probably should have taken people going as far as warning me about him as a red flag.

 

3. He thinks he's tough and always wanted to fight someone for stupid reasons. Problem is, he never actually goes with it.

 

4. He drops the L-word too quickly. He swore he loved me for years now and said it before we even started dating, yet we hardly knew each other before then. On top of that, he always said it and yet always did things to hurt me. And then after I dumped him he decided to date his best friend less than a month later and already swears he loves her when they just started dating and he was talking about how he loved me just two weeks ago. He appears to lack the maturity to know what love is.

 

5. He was extremely insensitive. He knows that I have a low self-esteem and yet he still made me cry and even though he apologized he still continued to do it.

 

6. When I dumped him, he tried to use the guilt trip so I can feel sorry for him, then became emotionally abusive toward me so I could feel bad and had the nerve to wonder why the hell I didn't want to stay friends after we broke up.

 

7. He always disappeared without explanation. We only really saw each other at school and sometimes outside. He would only see me once or twice a week, though, and hardly spoke to me when we didn't see each other.

 

8. He has no respect for his friends or his parents.

 

9. He's extremely irresponsible. He didn't take the relationship seriously. He doesn't even do well in school and cuts all his classes.

 

10. He flirted with other girls and thought I would never find out. He would openly call some one else attractive and wonder why it bothered me.

 

That's all I can think of for now, but you're right, it does feel good.

[Keenly]

I hate how she always played the victim and never took any personally responsibility in her life for the bad things that happened to her.

 

I hate how everything bad that ever happened or any issue we had was my fault.

 

I hate how any time a serious adult issue settling conversation came up you shut me out or left.

 

I hate how you played this stupid "if that's what you wanna do let's do it". When I asked for YOUR opinion, not a regurgitation of my own.

 

I hate how you'd drag me to the mall for four hours of window shopping, and then got mad that we "never went and did anything ".

 

I hate how halfway into our relationship, you stopped doing all of the things that made you happy before... I loved the things that made you happy.

 

I hate how towards the end you would deny my touch by pulling away when I wanted to hold your hand, and then you would start arguments about how we are never intimate.

 

I really hate how you would start an argument daily right as I walked into the door from working 10, 11, 12 hour days to pay for the roof over our heads.

[destroyed4sho]

Ive done this on my own and found it therapeutic. I came up with 54 things!!!

Heartfail, great idea. Go deeper with it. I know you can.

[Heartfail]

This is a great start guys! It really does feel good right!

 

Keenly I find it really interesting because i think some of the things your are outlining are probably things he could and would say about me- it's always helpful to get some of the other sides perspective.

 

Lellimarie- I don't want to offend at all and I know the point of this is to write down the bad things i am sure you could equally do a list of positives but I have to say your ex sounds like trouble. Fighting, tapping into your low self esteem. You deserve better girl! You re-read and you re-read that list every time you miss him because the things you've outlined suggest to me you can do better!

 

Destroyed4sho- I hope I can go deeper- this is the difficulty he was actually a really great, loving , respectful guy all the things that bothered me were fairly superficial. Having said that there must have been more reasons than bad shorts that I started to feel cold towards him I'm going to think on it further!

[Own Worst Enemy]

1 - Being in therapy for over 10 years does not make you deep or special. It makes you a retard who is being ripped off to the tune of £300 a week for a guy who is never going to "cure" you because HE is too intelligent to kill off the golden goose.

 

2 - It was not funny to remind me constantly that you thought you were much cleverer than me, or that you earned more, or to tell me that you had saved over £300,000. That's tacky. Not funny. And it certainly shows which of us is truly clever.

 

3 - Your constant unremitting dark depression. Turn on the light. Life is short, not long, as you seem to think.

 

4 - Your utter obsession with cuddly toys. You are heading up for 40 years old. And you are a boy. My 4 year old nephew would laugh at this. It is not sexy or edgy to sit and watch television (or in public) with 10 soft toys all over you.

 

5 - You have your own name tattoo'd on yourself. Who does that?

 

6 - Like Nicole Kidman, I can wear heels now, shortar$e.

 

7 - Your tedious body obsession. The perfect body does not make you or anybody else a good person. It makes you shallow and boring.

 

8 - It took you almost 40 years to find me, the only person you've ever felt truly comfortable with. And you think you can find it so easily again, but in a size 6 package, well, good luck with that. Size 12 (UK) is not fat. Size 14 is not fat. It's normal. Unlike you. Dumping someone for not being a size 6 is not normal.

 

9 - In any event, I can lose inches off my waist. Can you grow a few more inches, on any part of you? Nope. Thought not.

 

and... breathe!