Breaking Point !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jiggy1975]

:lmao: I really don't know where to start, so this could be an extremely long one I'm a 37 year old, single mum. Have gone through life, longing to be loved and to love someone just as much in return. My daughter's father and I broke up when she was two and a half, he doesn't bother me anymore, we broke up, it affected me at the time, but I made my peace with it a long time ago, my daughter is now 11. Didn't date for ages after I'd split with her Dad, just didn't find anyone I liked or that liked me. When I was 32 I met a great guy, lived locally, we got into a long term relationship which last three years, we broke up for about six weeks, two years in, but he came back, he then called it quits a year later, I was totally heartbroken but didn't run after him, as I had with the first split, thought I'd never find anyone again, I was literally on my knee's with the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, thought I'd be on my own for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and more so reactive depressions.

 

I fought my way back out of the depression and while still on anti depressants, joined a dating website at 35, met a lot of different guys, all great guys, the majority of them were very interested in me, but I just didn't feel that "click" with any of them. In the January of 2011 I met a great guy, lots in common, he lived 40 minutes away from me in the city, we got on great, he suffered with depression (bipolar) I didn't have a problem with this, but then he decided he didn't need or want to take medication for his condition and a few incidents happened and I had to walk away, it was hard but I did feel stronger for it. Normally this would have broken me down but I feel the anti depressants kept me sane, plus we'd only been dating three/four months, so the connection hadn't had time to really get into my heart/head.

 

The following August I was all but giving upon dating forever, feeling like I'd never meet anyone that I would click with, but feeling ok about that, the anti d's were still doing their job. Out of nowhere, a total bolt from the blue, this guy started contacting me on the dating website, he had me at his very first email, intelligent, charismatic, caring, sensitive, loving, a great Dad, he ticked every box and then some. He lived two hours away, the distance not a problem for me - were getting on really well, communicated through FB on a daily, if not hourly, if not minutely basis, until three months in, he friended a girl, after flirting with her on a comment thread of a friend, this hurt, I've always been of the belief that flirting should be done with the one you love or if single, with someone your interested in, I didn't say anything, as it was new and I didn't want to "rock the boat", kept it to myself, until a couple of weeks later, we were together and he happened to check his phone and was talking about this girl and I saw he'd had a message from her on FB, it all came out, not in an argumentative way, he said, maybe he'd been on his own so long, he'd forgotten what it was to be in a couple and said he'd nip it in the bud, he never did, the flirting continued, it tore the heart out of me everytime I'd see a flirt with another woman, bottom line is, we broke up, it's been three months, I'm absolutely torn to shreds and the days are only getting harder, the rejection and worthlessness I feel is soul destroying, I'm barely functioning. I really feel like I'll never trust anyone again with my heart, I don't think I can, not to feel this hurt and pain all over again, at the moment I don't feel like I can be loved, I've rambled on and on, I'm just totally lost, I thought he was the one, I really thought I was out of the ratrace for good and he was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with :(