RHReichelt Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I have been involved in a long-distance, non-exclusive relationship (not my choice)for over 5 years. It is not a healthy relationship, and I am finally ready to admit that there is a serious problem with emotional abuse. Tired of being labeled "crazy" or being belittled, I am leaving. Here's the problem: I am financially stable...and three years ago, I loaned him money because he couldn't make rent. He is not financially stable...but please understand many of his problems are self-perpetuated. Over the past three years whenever I ask for the money back, he always claims to be in a financial bind. I KNOW I sound moronic, but I am so upset over the mental games that I've had enough and out of principle want him to pay me back. Any suggestions...or just cut my losses? Please be aware that I am at my emotional wits end and screaming and crying is not beneath me at this very moment. I WANT to walk away with my head up. Please...please...someone help.
Tony T Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 The only way you're going to have peace of mind is to cut your losses and forgive the loan. It's not likely you will ever be repaid so if you keep this on the books your mind will be plagued by it forever. Learn from this, be thankful that it wasn't thousands of dollars, and don't make loans like this again unless you have triple collateral in your possession at the time you disperse funds.
meanon Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I know someone in this position ie. leaving a relationship where she was owed money. She got out first, got over it and then asked for the money. He said he'd pay but kept stalling. Eventually a friend who is a lawyer wrote to him asking for it in installments through him and threatening court action if he refused. He paid. The most important thing now is your emotional well being. You will not get that money any time soon, if at all. Concentrate on getting out. Don't make an issue of this until you can do so from a position of strength. You need to have as many factors within your control as possible to enable you to leave him and handle the break up of your relationship. Leave with your head held high. You have nothing to be ashamed of, he has.
uriel Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 Meanon is right on the money here. Don't deal with him directly. Get a lawyer to write him a letter and threaten action. Refuse any further personal contact with him. If that doesn't work, drop it and go on with your life. You can't put a price on your piece of mind. Also, please don't think that getting your money back will leave you feeling less humiliated. I've been through a similar experience. Even after I stopped grieving for him, I went through a great deal of anger at myself for allowing him to abuse me as he did. The last step of healing from a commitmentphobe is forgiving yourself. You don't need anything from him to get better. That keeps giving him power over you. You get power over the situation when you cease all desires where he is concerned and make the rest of your life only about you and the people who deserve your love. -- uriel
spencer Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 he probably knows the money thing will keep you in contact with him. so i would forget the money for sake of my sanity. one less thing he can control you with.
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