jgregory4614 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I've been married for 7 years. We have 3 young childeren. My wife wanted a seperation for the third time. We've been seperated for about 3 weeks. I'm not that heart broken over it and I'm able to cope with it, but I'm sure she's either involved with another man or is sleeping with multiple men. It's what she does when we seperate. The problem is when I'm in contact with her or around her in person because of the kids situation, I can NOT get it out of my head about her messing around with other guys! It's driving me freakin crazy! Anyone with advise? Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I don't have any advice on how to stop feeling that way, because I think most people would. My only advice is that you need to do some deep thinking about a marriage that has involved 3 separations. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership where you work through the rough times together, not take a break and start banging other people because things because too overwhelming. Time apart does not fix issues, it's just avoiding them to deal with them at a later date. If she doesn't want to actively work on the relationship by staying in it 24/7 then maybe it should be over. Even if you put aside the possibility of getting involved with other people during the separation, let's say she's totally loyal during the separation and spends her time reading a book and knitting, everything I said above still applies, you don't get a separation every time things get rough, you don't put a marriage on hold three times. So I think you're focusing on the wrong point here. It's not about what she's doing while separated, it's about the fact that you've even been separated three times. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Anyone with advise? Yeah, focus on the kids and your own sanity and health and take it day by day. This time, file for divorce and make filing motions which focus on your children's best interest. Three strikes and she's out. IME, once you accept that the person doesn't want to be with you and they have truly become a stranger by result of their actions (hers having sexual relations with other men), then the mind movies fade. I got to the point where I could meet the men and thank them for relieving me of the burden. Welcome to LS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgregory4614 Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Thanks for the replies and for all the advice you guys give people. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesblame Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Sorry to hear. I'd suggest these tricks: 1. Sexualize your jealousy. Try masturbating to her having sex with someone else. It's counter intuitive, but you take back the power of the perceived infidelity (and lets be honest at 3 weeks thats how we all think of our ex sleeping with someone else. ). This trick though puts you in control. 2. Start dating, start dating, start dating. You don't have to sleep with anyone, but go out and get coffee. Have conversations, etc. 3. Journal and analyze why you're so bothered by her sex practices. It helps to take the emotional component out, and replaces it with the logical. 4. Work out, and acknowledge that she's missing out on you. Her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
edwards99 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 just a side note....its human nature..she has probably thought about u just as much...dont kid yourself..n possibly while with another..also human nature..u will never be told that however..it sucks where u r..i have been there..with ya bro..we all are.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgregory4614 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 Since my last post I haven't had any contact with. I do find myself wanting to but I am able to control that urge. I use to drive by our house which is now hers early in the morning before I got to work just to see if anyone else is there. I've stopped doing that as well. I figured it would do only harm to myself if I did find someone else there. I do have a habit of checking her facebook through out the day but I catch myself while I'm doing it so I close the page. I'm trying to stay busy. Meeting a few old and new friends. I didn't have any friends while we were together. I have a very supportive family which I couldn't have got this far without them. I'm really thankful for that. I also would like to thank all of you for your support. This is the perfect place to vent and get advice. Please keep the advice coming. I do listen. Love Life! Link to post Share on other sites
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