moosekaka Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I am not religious but recently have being gravitating towards Buddhist and eastern philosophies on life and happiness, because ultimately isn't that what we all want? To anyone who is familiar with them one of the key teachings is that the root of our sufferings in life is attachment and ignorance. In the context of most people here I see it time and time again in relationship failures caused by one party holding on too tightly to the relationship. Yet even after having gone through this pattern repeatedly why is it so hard for our human nature to practice letting go? If all relationships will end and we cannot be too attached how can we be truly happy and committed to it? If all happiness is temporary how can we find true happiness? What is the point then? Or is the only way to attain enlightenment to go join a monastery and be a monk? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Based on the pain from failed relationships that I see here, I am beginning to think that the only way to true happiness is to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Eh, I've always found those types of philosophies hard to figure out. Similar to how some say the key to happiness is not having any desires or expectations, and if anything bad happens, just have a positive attitude. Well... of course you'd be "happy" that way, but I don't know if I really consider that living. Happiness is having an expectation met, having a desire fulfilled. Based on those philosophies that tell you to almost always be content, I just don't understand how you'd ever get anywhere in life. I think it's about finding balance. Of course you can't be so disconnected from your relationship that you have no real attachment to it, but you can't have a death grip on it either. I'm guilty of smothering so many of my relationships to death and being needy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 To anyone who is familiar with them one of the key teachings is that the root of our sufferings in life is attachment and ignorance. In the context of most people here I see it time and time again in relationship failures caused by one party holding on too tightly to the relationship. Yet even after having gone through this pattern repeatedly why is it so hard for our human nature to practice letting go? Because such behaviour that is hopelessly at odds with the Western world. Ignorance is promoted through schooling, insofar pupils and students don't learn to think of themselves, but rather regurgitate whatever they are assigned to do. How is that learning? Attachment? Through the materialistic culture that basically dictates you are a failure when you don't spend $3k a month on gadgets, cars, and all kinds of other goods. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.” - Confucius "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe If all relationships will end and we cannot be too attached how can we be truly happy and committed to it? Because it will come naturally then. You don't need to make the effort, since your natural inclination is to do what needs to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Because such behaviour that is hopelessly at odds with the Western world. Ignorance is promoted through schooling, insofar pupils and students don't learn to think of themselves, but rather regurgitate whatever they are assigned to do. How is that learning? Attachment? Through the materialistic culture that basically dictates you are a failure when you don't spend $3k a month on gadgets, cars, and all kinds of other goods. Good post! I think about these things all the time. It feels like we have everything backwards in this society. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I read 'A New Earth' by Ekhart Tolle, and it helped ground me, for a while. I felt very open and free. And when I reference it, I can get back to that place, but only briefly. It is my nature to want to share my life with another human being, and that means being connected to them. Denying a connection just isn't possible and I'm ok with that. I think accepting that any relationship could and will end (through separation or death), while simultaneously not wanting it to, is a major thread in life. Most of us want that bond and are terrified of losing it. For me, I get bouts of anxiety because of this fear. I'm dealing with that. What I have improved on is the art of letting go. How we learn to let go and move on by doing what's best for ourselves is the key. Living in the present and keeping the ego in check are also very important. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Eh, I've always found those types of philosophies hard to figure out. Similar to how some say the key to happiness is not having any desires or expectations, and if anything bad happens, just have a positive attitude. Well... of course you'd be "happy" that way, but I don't know if I really consider that living. Happiness is having an expectation met, having a desire fulfilled. Based on those philosophies that tell you to almost always be content, I just don't understand how you'd ever get anywhere in life. I think it's about finding balance. Of course you can't be so disconnected from your relationship that you have no real attachment to it, but you can't have a death grip on it either. I'm guilty of smothering so many of my relationships to death and being needy. Exit, I think the next relationship you have, you should seek therapy in the beginning so that you can stay on an even path. You are such a great person and you have learned so much from your relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I am sorry tyo have found this thread only now... I am certainly no expert on Buddhist practise, but I will try to put things forward as I personally have heard and understood. Plase feel free to accept or discard what I write, as you see fit. Tehy are, after all, merely my perceptions on the matter. I am not religious but recently have being gravitating towards Buddhist and eastern philosophies on life and happiness, because ultimately isn't that what we all want? The Buddha stated on several occasions that he came to "teach the Origin of Suffering, and the Cessation of Suffering." Suffering comes about through several different types of attachment. Some attachments - attachment to the teachings of the Buddha (the Dhamma) for example, are Skilful attachments. But any Attachment, no matter what it is, becomes toxic if we place too great a significance - emphasis, importance, priority - upon it. There comes a time - just as a boatman on a raft must get off the raft, once he has reached the other side of the river - when, no matter how precious, useful or skilful an attachment has been, we have to step off it and let it go. ...... If all relationships will end and we cannot be too attached how can we be truly happy and committed to it? Because The Four Sublime States are the Virtues we cultivate and bestow on all Sentient beings - including of course, ourselves. If we cannot do such a thing for ourselves, then doing it for others becomes not a virtue, but baggage.... If all happiness is temporary how can we find true happiness? What is the point then? Or is the only way to attain enlightenment to go join a monastery and be a monk? The point is to realise that Happiness, alone, is not temporary; EVERYTHING is temporary. Pain, laughter, tears, joy, the milk in the fridge, the flowers in the garden, a mayfly, a sequoia, hair, teeth, a visit to the chiropodist, your family, the insurance on the car, a city, a glass bottle... everything comes, stays a while, then goes. Eh, I've always found those types of philosophies hard to figure out. Similar to how some say the key to happiness is not having any desires or expectations, and if anything bad happens, just have a positive attitude. You don't need a positive attitude. You just need to accept reality, then make the most of every minute, because there are no guarantees as to how many of them you have left. "Drop All Expectations" is a fabulous saying to remember; just begin each new day with wonderment, not trepidation.... Well... of course you'd be "happy" that way, but I don't know if I really consider that living. Happiness is having an expectation met, having a desire fulfilled. No, that is Suffering; because if the expectation is NOT met, and the desire NOT fulfilled, we experience the suffering of disappointment. If we DO have the expectation met and the desire fulfilled - each one ending will also bring disappointment; either because it's over, it didn't last as long as we wanted, or it didn't quite match up to what we foresaw.... So whichever way it goes, we 'suffer'. Because we are attached to the desire of an outcome, and if positive, the desire of its permanence. Based on those philosophies that tell you to almost always be content, I just don't understand how you'd ever get anywhere in life. That is because you misunderstand them. Once you understand the basis of the philosophy, and honestly and earnestly put it into practice, it all falls into place. I think it's about finding balance. Of course you can't be so disconnected from your relationship that you have no real attachment to it, but you can't have a death grip on it either. I'm guilty of smothering so many of my relationships to death and being needy. Then your relationships are not based on Pure Love, they are established on an Agenda. 'I will do this for you, but you must do this for me'. The philosophy to cultivate is: "I will love you unconditionally, without being a doormat, but when the time comes for us to part, I will let you go with a glad heart, because I want you to be happy in whichever way you feel you need to be." Link to post Share on other sites
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