I don't know why I'm struggling.

[voyager12]

I shouldn't be. She really wasn't all that good to me.

 

We went out for almost two years. We were really close for most of that time. There were good times. But there were some really bad times too. Towards the beginning she kissed another guy, and there's a good chance that it cause some serious trust problems. I was stupid and took her back. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do, but I don't want to beat myself up about it.

 

After that, things seemed to go okay. We were together almost all the time, kind of inseparable. I really fell for her. She was really nice to me sometimes, but she could also be really cruel and hurtful. It was hot and cold but I really felt like I loved her. I told her that I loved her. And she told me that she loved me too, and I believed her.

 

And it went on like that for two years. It wasn't like there weren't problems - she always hid me, away from everyone. Particularly her ex-boyfriend who she still remained friends with, but also some of her friends and co-workers. It was like I was her dirty little secret. It didn't help the already fragile trust issues.

 

And then, towards the end, she became cold. She started hanging out with another guy for lunches and things as 'friends'. That was it. She dumped me a month later.

 

A week later she starts hanging out with her 'friend', because it "made it easier". They were together after a month...or maybe even less. And they're still together now, after 4 or 5 months.

 

The thing is, I don't want to be with her. I really don't. She hurt me so horribly and really didn't treat me well. But I don't understand why I'm still hurting about her. About her moving on. About how she is so open about being with him and about how she seems to be falling in love with him. She never did that with me and that's what hurt me so badly. I was always something she was ashamed of. And now she doesn't care. I saw her with the new boyfriend on the street the other day and she was all over him, like I wasn't even there. It made me feel sick; like the two years we were together meant nothing to her.

 

Maybe I am just posting to vent. Maybe not. But if you have any words of support, I'd appreciate them.

[Exit]

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you but I did want to chime in and say, I feel like you could have just as easily been writing a description of my relationship and breakup, so many similarities. You aren't alone. Same length of relationship and everything.

 

I have asked myself the same question as you many times. Why am I even struggling to forget this girl. She was not that great. Much like your story, my ex did something with another guy at one point in our relationship. I tried to decide to move past it with her. I experienced the hot and cold thing too. Any time things weren't going her way, she would withdraw her affection, which I've come to realize as a form of mental abuse. If we'd get in a disagreement, I never knew if she'd ignore me for a few hours, a few days, or if she'd break up with me. It's not a fun way to live when you never feel safe in your relationship. Also like you, I felt somewhat hidden. Like everyone these days, my ex always finds time to use Facebook, but hardly ever mentioned me, no pictures of us together, nothing. I never understood why she wasn't proud of me. After multiple promises that we were going to work things out, looking at engagement rings, talking about where we were going to live in the future, she is gone again. Nobody in my life has ever hurt me more. She is a cool, interesting person at a glance, I like a lot about her, but in a relationship, she is just terrible. Can't communicate, she's emotionally immature, etc etc.

 

I have no idea why I can't forget this one. I feel like so many other people in my shoes would feel like they dodged a bullet, they'd look at all the things she did wrong and just move on. They wouldn't waste time pining over someone who treated them like this. I guess the only conclusion that I can draw is that it's a self esteem issue for me, I guess I don't have a lot going for myself at this time to be able to say "hah, your loss psycho!"

 

I'd be soooo much happier if I could just get over her. It still drags me down on a daily basis. I don't know what my issue is.

[flyguy23]

Wow both of your stories sound like mine, but I dated mine for 5 years like an idiot. I don't know why I can't get her off my mind, because she was just terrible to me. I just wish my brain would let this go and stop thinking of her so that I can be happy again.