Do we ever get proper closure?

[justletgox51]

Between both parties?

[Nohbody]

No. Find your own truth.

[lymtal1]

what needs to be closed? closure can come from within you. many times closure is just another way to stay connected. no matter what, some questions may never be answered and even if they are they just don't matter and will not satisfy you regardless. you may just have to accept that it is what it is.

[D-Lish]

Closure will always take place at some point after a break up, even if it's not something that transpires between the 2 people themselves.

 

I was once broken up with in an awful way. I didn't get a word in edgewise he just basically spewed venom at my and threw all my vulnerabilities and insecurities in my face over a phone call, hung up on me and we didn't speak until maybe a year and a bit later.

 

It was gut wrenching to be left with all the blame he placed on me. He said every hateful thing he could come up with knowing what my insecurities were and I was left a huge mess.

 

It took some time- but I was able to get to a place where I made my own closure after some months of self reflection and insight into what the real issues in the relationship were (he was a manipulative, vindictive and angry man who didn't like himself very much). I finally came to find peace with that break up on my own.

 

A little more than a year later he called to meet, and he actuall apologized and told me that he was the broken one and much of what he said stemmed from a place of not liking himself very much at the time. He'd had some therapy and come to some realizations on his own. It was a pleasant lunch, but I'd found my own closure a long time before we had that face to face much later.

[thelovingkind]

Closure is found when you stop looking for it and stop caring about it anymore. It's not the profound resolution that people envision, as if a door is consciously being pressed shut on a history together, closure is just the decrease of mental energy over time, like a photo that slowly turns sepia and eventually fades altogether. When the mental energy is totally gone - voila, closure. So long as you pine for closure and feel like you really need it, you won't find it, because it requires that state of not caring anymore because you've moved on. The best way there is just to exhaust the grieving process.

[melenkurion]

Closure [...] It's not the profound resolution that people envision, as if a door is consciously being pressed shut on a history together, closure is just the decrease of mental energy over time, like a photo that slowly turns sepia and eventually fades altogether. When the mental energy is totally gone - voila, closure.

 

I love this. I had a counselling session today, and we talked about more or less the same thing, but without such a good visual analogy.

[reimeivn]

i think you will find that out yourself. it is all in the relationship you once had. at first you will not understand and things will be really messed up, then you will.

 

in some cases, very rarely, the closure comes from the ex. but the reasons must be right. something like: it is not going anywhere. you are not proposing to me, and i am at the point that i want to get married.

 

the reasons of: i dont love you anymore, i loose the spark, i am with somebody else, is not right. and if you dont feel like there is a closure, then its not a good reason from a good person, and so you just need to move on. because no matter if it works out or not, you want to be with somebody who is well behaved person from the beginning to the end. that's why we are not afraid of falling in love, because we know that the people we once loved, we always love, and will be in our life.

[reimeivn]

so yeah closure is overrated. it is really not needed. you think you need closure to move on, but once you know that hey if somebody breaks up with you, that person doesnt want to be with you, and so you dont want to be with that person, you will move on. and once you move on, you wont care about why somebody dont want to be with you, you will care about why you dont want to be with him, and why you want to be single of to fall in love with somebody else.

 

its just you growing up and growing out of the old toxic relationship you once had.

[betterdeal]

Think of it like this: you have a protective layer surrounding your subconscious self, like skin protects the physical self. We can, do and need to, let things pass in and out of that protective layer. One of those things is other people. When you break up with someone, that leaves a rupture in that layer, like a cut in your skin.

 

Closure is that rupture sealing up, like a cut in your skin healing.