Forgive me - broke NC :(

[1Dunno]

Well technically she did by sending me a text message to see how I was going. Breadcrumbs, I know, and probably just her trying to relieve any guilt she still has. But I stupidly responded. Was going so well too. Was in double digit days for NC.

 

Ahhhhh, why do I do this to myself

[radiodarcy]

no need to ask for forgiveness -- it happens to all of us. the first time i did NC the ex used to send me breadcrumbs from time to time and i responded to all of them and eventually wound up breaking NC altogether after a few months.

 

i stayed in contact for about a month and then re-started NC because i couldn't handle listening to him talk about dating other women. i told him as much too before i walked. you know it's been 5 months and i haven't heard a peep out of him? it's actually made it much easier to stick to NC.

 

i doubt i would have been able to stick with it this long if he was still throwing me breadcrumbs :/

 

i have to say though, i highly doubt that it's possible to do NC without breaking it at least once. and maybe it is necessary to break NC in order to fully realize how important it is not to accept those breadcrumbs

Edited August 16, 2011 by radiodarcy

[smudge21]

Must be something to do with these summer months, as we all seem to be doing this lately. Mine too started with those similar breadcrumbs, and it's so easy to respond (that hope I talk about...).

 

Try not to beat yourself over responding - you're only human and it shows you care. Hopefully it didn't set you back as far as my contact has.

[lymtal1]

So I can give you a personal experience of if you really want N/C it can be done. For the first month after my break-up there was this set of breadcrumbs. The calls where related to how she missed me and she loved me but that it was different. But in reality I drove them not her. Then came the phase where I just HAD to help her with things she had going on in her life. This was of course for me not her.

 

Each time I would feel worse. So, and this is just my opinion but it really worked. I did all the right stuff related to online reaching out capabilities first. The key for me was I changed my phone number. I then sent out my new number to everyone that needed it. It was not her nor anyone that was related to her whether a friend relative etc. I have not heard one peep and I have been strong and have not even thought for a second about any contact with her from my part, it was and is just too painful.

 

I see so many people on here that talk about N/C but do not change their phone number. I am sure in some instances it can't be done for various reasons. Bottom line is if you can change it, do it. It will change your life from the perspective of N/C.

[Chi townD]

Well technically she did by sending me a text message to see how I was going. Breadcrumbs, I know, and probably just her trying to relieve any guilt she still has. But I stupidly responded. Was going so well too. Was in double digit days for NC.

 

Ahhhhh, why do I do this to myself

 

 

Because it's a knee jerk reaction. We've been with these people so long that when we get a text, phone call or e-mail it was a natural reaction to respond to it as easily as we breath. The problem is, is to remind ourselves that it's a bad habit that we have to break. Just remind yourself that anything less than, " We need to talk. I made a mistake." is breadcrumbs.

 

No worries, just go back to NC. Chalk it up as lessons learned.

[AlanN]

Well technically she did by sending me a text message to see how I was going. Breadcrumbs, I know, and probably just her trying to relieve any guilt she still has. But I stupidly responded. Was going so well too. Was in double digit days for NC.

 

Ahhhhh, why do I do this to myself

 

 

Don't feel guilty for responding.. You're NOT a robot; You're human! We all have done it. Breaking NC is not the end of the world but it may set you back. I broke NC late last week and have had some regrets but I will deal with it. I'm supposed to see my ex-gf of 3 1/2 years tonight. I'm a little scared because I'm not sure what to expect but I will mellow out after a little while and let nature take its course. My point of breaking NC was to be sure that she really wants our relationship over. She ended things about 7 weeks ago because SHE MAY want a child in the future and I MAY NOT! We almost never had fights but this issue is probably a dealbreaker. It's hard to let go of someone you really expected to be with the rest of your life and had very few fights/disagreements but that's the way life is sometimes.

 

On the subject of NC I had the great pleasure of finding out that my now ex-wife was cheating on me with someone I knew and I had to live with her (and my kids) for 6 months until she moved out. I had no opportunities for NC and I was able to get through it. I had to see her with the new bf around town and deal with her on a daily basis because of our kids and the businesses we owned at the time.. It was HARD dealing with the ex-wife but I feel being apart from my ex-gf is harder for some reason..

[1Dunno]

Thanks for the replies! I understand that these are only breadcrumbs, but I have a silly question (due to false hope, no doubt). If she really was interesting in re-kindling things, would she not want to test the water first? I know you say that I shouldn't accept anything less than "I made a mistake and would like to work things out". But I highly doubt anyone would be that bold after not knowing the emotional state of their ex?

 

Sorry all, I already know there's no hope

[antinko]

Thanks for the replies! I understand that these are only breadcrumbs, but I have a silly question (due to false hope, no doubt). If she really was interesting in re-kindling things, would she not want to test the water first? I know you say that I shouldn't accept anything less than "I made a mistake and would like to work things out". But I highly doubt anyone would be that bold after not knowing the emotional state of their ex?

 

Sorry all, I already know there's no hope

 

It's a tough one. I know it's real difficult to move away from the idea that your ex is the only one for you, but they're not.

 

You grieve the past and want them back because they're the last person you were with who were so intimate with you, but believe me, there are so many others out there who will be more suitable.

 

I think the hard fact is that you will be together if 'it's meant to be' and by that I don't mean some kind of mystical predestination. What I mean is that, if both, note both, of you want to be together, then you naturally will. But you cannot force it.

 

Currently, they've decided that they want something else and that's their right. It really sucks, but it is and they have to tread their own path. You have to tread your own.

 

You don't need forgiveness for breaking NC because you had to do it in order to learn. If you're like me, you may have or might break NC a few times, but each time you'll learn that it's futile and will eventually stop. That's ok, as long as you learn for your own good.