Viv Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 If anyone has any advice id be so grateful. My husband left a few weeks ago, and I'm just about coping with the pain and doing every day things. But I have to finish a dissertation, I already have an extension and if I dont do it now, ive failed. The problem is when I start to think about it, all these thoughts about how much I miss my husband come into my head, and I feel really down and have lost confidence in my ability to write anything decent. Does anyone have any tips on how to concentrate when you're going through something like this? Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Well, dissertation is different from other writing so I have no real advice for you. One thing that helped me concentrate on a task at hand is when I thought about my ex and how sad I was without her, I'd try to remind myself that if I complete this task it will show her that she made a big mistake. Many people have gone on to have huge success because they were motivated by an ex leaving them in a bad way. Many. So, I'd say envision what your ex would think about hearing that you've succeeded. Even though that truly doesn't matter, and you'll reach a stage where what the ex thinks doesn't matter to you - for right now I'd say focus on the only positive way to "get back" at an ex is to change yourself for the better. Make yourself the most successful, appealing individual possible. A minor suggestion would be listening to certain music while writing. For me its Mozart adagios and Tchaikovsky clarinet/violin concertos. This tends to drown out my inner thoughts, negative emotions. Could be something different for you. Good luck, hell of a time to have to compose a dissertation. Link to post Share on other sites
analystfromhell Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Probably an odd subject line but congrats on getting this far in your education- just a bit more to do. I hope you're not having to balance this with work, kids, etc as it's something which really needs complete dedication and lack of distraction. If you are allowed to hire someone to do the cleanup and APA changes, that would take a load of boredom off your back and allow you to concentrate on the mentally challenging aspects. My wife is having an EA and I'm in the middle to studies as well- getting this advice from my advisor who also went through this **** helped a lot as when I was doing boring referencing and grammar review my mind wandered and I ended up obsessing about her rather than my work. Doing the hard thinking and analysis kept my mind busy and pushed the bull**** out. Also, a bit of recreational relaxation also helped. You can also see a DR who would likely be more than glad to prescribe some temporary ADHD related assistance that also helps push out the demons- just don't overdue. Good luck with your studies and forget about him (easy to so isn't it). Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I'm so sorry you're going through this Viv, and I can somewhat relate. One bf and I broke up when I was finishing my master's and another relationship went south during my comps. Here is what I have learned: Make sure you sleep well. For me, that involved taking valerian supplements. Pharmacists often try to get me to take other forms of supplements, but valerian has proved best for periods of stress because the effects are immediate. Valerian makes me feel calm without making me feel tired. Hit the gym. I know your energy level might be low right now or you might feel like your dissertation should take priority. I don't care. 20 minutes of an intense work out will improve your sleep and your concentration. Best to work less with more focus than spend hours going around in circles in front of the computer. Break up your work schedule in smaller, more doable segments. Instead of working until you're either done or tired, set a timer to a designated amount of time. On days when I have little concentration, I usually try to do four 45 minute sessions. It may not sound like a lot, but, surprisingly, those are the days when I get the most done. Psychological research has also shown that people are more productive in the long term if they stop work when they're still into it, before "diminishing returns" set in. In other words, stop writing when it's still going well, not when you're too tired to focus or feeling blocked. That way, it will be easier to pick it up the day after. Remember, a good dissertation is a done dissertation. Perfectionism, here, is your enemy. Let your committee guide you and do some of the work (suggestions, reorientations, etc.) That's actually your committee's primary function, ahead of evaluating you. Trust in your committee's judgement. Take time for yourself. Treat yourself to a good long bath, a massage, a good chat with friends. Your priority should still be healing. Finally, avoid alcohol. It is a depressant, and in my experience, will work against you in times like these. And be understanding of yourself. Some days will be better than others. Hopefully, the work will likely become your "release", a space where you get rewards, that helps you keep your mind off the turmoil in your life. Best of luck. Edited August 17, 2011 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Wow, thank you so much for all your advice! I'm overwhelmed . The most helpful thing right now is definitely proving to him that I can be a success! As he didn't believe that I would finish it. But will try everything else too, especially to stop trying to be perfect, have spent all day rewriting one paragraph, and checking emails, phone... Thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
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