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Help Me....i Am Drowning


hunter

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I have been in a relationship with a man for five long years, and he has an illness that makes him really tired, so after working all day he is pretty down for the night, no energy to do anything.

I have been doing it all for all the years, and I mean everything I get no help at all. If something has to be done, I am the one that gets it done.

 

I have catered to his every need and I guess it is my fault, now that he does nothing at all for himself. I am frustrated beyond the word. He says that he can count on me to see that everything gets done, well who do I have to count on, no one.

 

As for finances I pay for everything, and have been paying his bills too when he is not able to.

This amounts to about $ 500.00 per month, money that I could have for me and my wants and needs.

If he wants a holiday he takes time off work, he just returned from a hunting vacation and I honestly did not miss him at all. I had a fun filled week with no one saying get me this or get me that or do this and do that.

 

But on the other hand, if his dad needs something, then daddy gets it. I have had appliances that have broken down in the house two years ago, and he says I will help you, but to date I have received no help.

We have animals, and if they need something they get it. We have spent $ 30,000 this past year on the animals, seeing that they have the best of everything. I think I have not spent $ 300.00 this year on anything that I have wanted or needed.

 

When he is ill, he takes all the time off that he wants, when I am sick I am told to go to work as we need the money, but it is ok for him not to go to work. He has a physical job and I just have a job where I sit on my ass and "play" on a computer....(his words). I have no stress at all at work according to him, like I can never come home and say that I have had a bad day as his day is always more worse than mine could ever be.

 

I have not been to my parents house for Xmas in 5 years, as we have to go to his parents house. If I want to go home for the holidays I have to go myself, same as office parties I have to beg him to go, but for his family things we are there. I am so sick and tired of living like this.

 

I question myself everyday when I go to work, as to why I am going there.

Well other than to pay all the bills including his, I get no money to myself, as I am paying his $ 500.00 per months bills. Then when we are almost broke I have to borrow money from my sister, and she says well you both make good money, where is it all going. Geez, I wonder where....?????

 

I tell myself that I need to give him a boot in the ass, but I am thinking that I should give myself one, as I am the one that is causing my own stress.

 

I just do not know how much longer I can live like this anymore.

 

I am living just day to day.

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Most women are not clear to theur mates. (my opinion)

 

Please tell him what you are thinking.

Do not hint, manipulate, etc..

Tell him.

 

Do it on paper if you want. You can ask him to make his own list.

Ironically, there may be some issues that he thinks you [color=red]took[/color] from him, while you are upset he is not doing them. (there is in my marriage, I never buy christmas presents for the kids. My wife said it bothers her, well it bothered me that she always did it as well.)

 

Communication is the key.

Also, refrain from letting any of the issues become arguments. That is counter productive.

If the discussion is becoming heated, table for another time.

Or another option is to only discuss one issue, leave the rest of your list for the next times. (this keeps it from being overwhelming)

 

I hope that it works out for you.

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and he has an illness that makes him really tired

 

What the hell kind of 'illness' does your boyfriend have?! It's an 'illness' that allows him to work in a physically demanding job all day, go on hunting holidays, spend all his money on himself and his family, but not help you in the house?

 

Your boyfriends 'illness' is you, establishing for no good reason a pattern where you run around for him and catered to his every whim. Well, you gets what you pay for -- seriously, I know there are illnesses that result in extreme fatique but even if he were physically disabled I would expect my partner to show his commitment to the union with positive input and that does not amount to 'honey, go get me another beer will ya..'

 

You spend your wages on him, you do everything for him, you put your needs and desires aside so he always gets what he want? What did you expect - to keep that up forever and not be burnt out with resentment?

 

You only have two options. Fight or flight. If you do love him, sit down with him, tell him frankly how you feel and stop EVERYTHING you are doing in favor of new rules. Redress the physical and finacial balance immediately. If he loves you, it will be a shock and he may reel because the 'ground rules ' have been changed but together you can work it out and he will see that in fairness your requests are reasonable.

 

Otherwise, not much else to do but leave; I don't blame your boyfriend one bit, you said,'.. use me as a doormat honey, pleeze...' he did. You'll want to spend some time finding out why you so lacked self respect that you felt that the only way to keep a man was to become his slave. First step for that is to take the sign that says: "Wipe your feet here" off your back - you'll find that life is a lot easier, less expensive and fulfilling when you do.

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