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Pain of breakup still causing overwhelming despair


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Old 5th August 2011, 6:57 PM   #1
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Exclamation Pain of breakup still causing overwhelming despair

Its been nearly 8 months since my break up now and I'm still feeling overwhelming despair.

Not helped by being in contact with my ex its true, but was really hoping he might be willing to give me another chance, and I still try to cling to some false hope but seems highly unlikely now.

I keep feeling this intense overwhelming despair and I'm on a lot of medication to help treat both anxiety and depression, but lately its been getting worse not better and I struggle with dark suicidal thoughts a lot these days.

I just want all this pain to end.

I know there is nothing much you guys can do and that I need to help myself out of this, but I still like to come here because you guys on here are the best friends I have at the moment.
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Old 5th August 2011, 8:40 PM   #2
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Aww Ruined! I thought you were doing so much better cause we haven't heard from you in a while.

Please hang in there sweetheart, all of us in some way are still hurting so you're not alone. I found that the best way to deal with the dark suicidal thoughts it just to let them pass. I miss my girl like hell and a few weeks back I was willing to do anything to make the pain go away, and let my brain I indulge on those thoughts, but I never acted on them though. Accept and embrace all the emotions you have to, if you want to scream; go find a quiet place and go nuts, if you want to get on your knees and pray to whoever then do it, if you want to cry you let those tears flow. If you want to think about the dark stuff then do just that: THINK! NEVER ACT!

Always remember that there are more people on this earth who love you, maybe not in the way your ex did, but you sure as hell are important to some people and if you ever act on those thoughts then imagine the pain you will put those people through.
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Old 6th August 2011, 1:55 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by dicky_fish View Post
Aww Ruined! I thought you were doing so much better cause we haven't heard from you in a while.

Please hang in there sweetheart, all of us in some way are still hurting so you're not alone. I found that the best way to deal with the dark suicidal thoughts it just to let them pass. I miss my girl like hell and a few weeks back I was willing to do anything to make the pain go away, and let my brain I indulge on those thoughts, but I never acted on them though. Accept and embrace all the emotions you have to, if you want to scream; go find a quiet place and go nuts, if you want to get on your knees and pray to whoever then do it, if you want to cry you let those tears flow. If you want to think about the dark stuff then do just that: THINK! NEVER ACT!

Always remember that there are more people on this earth who love you, maybe not in the way your ex did, but you sure as hell are important to some people and if you ever act on those thoughts then imagine the pain you will put those people through.
Yes I know you're very right.

I've just messed up so badly again, because I was talking to my ex a lot and he was giving me all these mixed signals (flirting with me, wanting to do all this stuff together, telling me how much he misses me etc), making me think that maybe he wanted me back, so I laid my heart out on a platter for him again. Told him how much I still love him etc and of course he just went completely cold on me again, wanting to be friends but nothing more and its breaking my heart all over again. I'm such an idiot.

Last edited by RuinedLife; 6th August 2011 at 1:57 AM..
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Old 6th August 2011, 2:08 AM   #4
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Would you please stop contacting him? Please?
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Old 6th August 2011, 2:39 AM   #5
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Ruined... stop... you are the poster girl for why NC is so important...

Start today... This forum has 1000000s of posts on how to move forward by many of great people. You are 8 months out, you should be coaching us and saying life is ****ing great bitches, hurry up and get here.
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Old 6th August 2011, 2:40 AM   #6
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Hey Ruined

Try not to beat yourself up it's been around 8 months for me too and my ex also sends me mixed signals and when i reach out and put my heart on the line she will just slap it away and leaves me feeling crap again she is very clever in the way she does it as we don't really speak well not since May but she will send me e-mails saying i saw this job ad and thought of you, but don't contact me! i had another one a few weeks back. this happens every month or so and causes me a lot of pain and drags me back.

She is seeing some guy which makes things even more painful as i see them when i'm driving home sometimes she always made out they where just friends to me at the time of breakup but i know that's not true.

You basically need to stop putting your heart on the line for it to just be thrown back into your face unfortunately your ex is probably just giving you what they call on here bread crumbs it's residual feeling from when you where together and nothing more they don't actually want to be with you but like to know your there and they can slap you away or have you anytime they want, it's a dormant power thing that humans have hidden away. They actually don't want to be with you at all.

I have to stop letting my ex have control over me still and so do you try to stay strong i've had all the dark thoughts you do the sense of no worth the moments of clarity and so on you just have to take everyday as it comes and hope some day it will all just seem like a bad joke

Last edited by broken-and-lost; 6th August 2011 at 2:44 AM..
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Old 6th August 2011, 6:49 AM   #7
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Hey sweetie, I was wondering about you and I too was hoping that the fact you weren't posting much lately meant that you were feeling better.

Part of me wants to give you a hug and comfort you and give you all my sympathy... and part of me sort of wants to kick you out of your self-induced stupor and make you see that you need to go NC, now, not in six months, not in a year's time... You will start healing the moment you make the commitment to go NC. I swear. I was in the exact same limbo you are in for 3 months after my breakup because I was stuck in complete denial, hanging on to hope and not wanting to let go of contact. I knew what I was doing though, but I just wanted to make sure that I'd done everything in my power to try and get him back, so that I wouldn't feel remorse afterward about not trying hard enough. And finally when I realized that 1 He definitely had zero interest in getting back together and 2 Self-preservation, and wanting to get out of the pain was starting to feel more pressing to me than my desire to be with him, I finally found the strenght to say good-bye for good. And I never regreted it.

I'm 2 months NC now and like I was saying the other day, it's crazy how much better I feel, especially compared to what I imagined it would be like. I never thought I would be able to heal, especially not that fast. Not to say I'm 100% healed, but I know I'm getting there, it's only a matter of months. I'm gaining my power back, discovering how strong I am, and finally seeing a bright future without my ex. Probably brighter than it would ever have been if it had involved his non-commital ass.

Like another poster once told you, I sometimes feel like flying to wherever you live and coaching you 24/7 until some sense is knocked back into your pretty head :] I can't do that, but I do intend to keep an eye on you on this board, even if I don't post that much these days, I'm still thinking about you often and wondering if you're feeling better. Out of all the people I interacted with here, you're the one I related to the most, and when people would get annoyed because you couldn't seem to snap out of it, I got slightly annoyed at them and wanted to tell them - yeah, it's called a broken heart, and it hurts like hell, and when you do give all of yourself only to be rejected, it can be extremely hard to get over it, and no one should judge your pain.

I'll never tell you that you're wrong for feeling the way fou feel - but I just wish you would do what it takes to stop feeling so bad.

I'm sure you will snap out of it eventually, when you get sick and tired of being in pain all the time.
Until then, take care of yourself and keep us informed about everything.
Love!
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Old 6th August 2011, 11:34 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Karala View Post
Hey sweetie, I was wondering about you and I too was hoping that the fact you weren't posting much lately meant that you were feeling better.

Part of me wants to give you a hug and comfort you and give you all my sympathy... and part of me sort of wants to kick you out of your self-induced stupor and make you see that you need to go NC, now, not in six months, not in a year's time... You will start healing the moment you make the commitment to go NC. I swear. I was in the exact same limbo you are in for 3 months after my breakup because I was stuck in complete denial, hanging on to hope and not wanting to let go of contact. I knew what I was doing though, but I just wanted to make sure that I'd done everything in my power to try and get him back, so that I wouldn't feel remorse afterward about not trying hard enough. And finally when I realized that 1 He definitely had zero interest in getting back together and 2 Self-preservation, and wanting to get out of the pain was starting to feel more pressing to me than my desire to be with him, I finally found the strenght to say good-bye for good. And I never regreted it.

I'm 2 months NC now and like I was saying the other day, it's crazy how much better I feel, especially compared to what I imagined it would be like. I never thought I would be able to heal, especially not that fast. Not to say I'm 100% healed, but I know I'm getting there, it's only a matter of months. I'm gaining my power back, discovering how strong I am, and finally seeing a bright future without my ex. Probably brighter than it would ever have been if it had involved his non-commital ass.

Like another poster once told you, I sometimes feel like flying to wherever you live and coaching you 24/7 until some sense is knocked back into your pretty head :] I can't do that, but I do intend to keep an eye on you on this board, even if I don't post that much these days, I'm still thinking about you often and wondering if you're feeling better. Out of all the people I interacted with here, you're the one I related to the most, and when people would get annoyed because you couldn't seem to snap out of it, I got slightly annoyed at them and wanted to tell them - yeah, it's called a broken heart, and it hurts like hell, and when you do give all of yourself only to be rejected, it can be extremely hard to get over it, and no one should judge your pain.

I'll never tell you that you're wrong for feeling the way fou feel - but I just wish you would do what it takes to stop feeling so bad.

I'm sure you will snap out of it eventually, when you get sick and tired of being in pain all the time.
Until then, take care of yourself and keep us informed about everything.
Love!
Thanks for the supportive words Karala! Means a lot!

I think I've been going through all the pain of that hopeful laced time for so long now. If my ex hadn't sent me an email suggesting that I may still have a chance, started flirting with me again etc, then who knows maybe I'd be further along the healing process now. But as it stands, I'm back to square one it seems, as in the last month or so I was building up so much hope that he may still love me and want me back. And I was stupid enough to fall for all these things, to believe that maybe I still had a chance. And now that coldness has returned, yet even now, even when you'd think surely I'd give up, I still cling to some hope. Some desperate part inside of me praying and pleading that he come back to me.

I know, it is incredibly pathetic and weak of me. I really wish I could just snap out of this love I have for him, escape from this heartache he's causing me and focus on me again, focus on where my own life is going and forget all about him. It just doesn't seem to be that easy, at least not to me.
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Old 6th August 2011, 12:16 PM   #9
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Cut it off and cauterize it. I'm sorry to say, I think just saying "I'm done" is going to be the only way you can move forward. No more second chances, no more hope for a future together. You will get there, but you I hope you actually do want to... it will happen one way or the other.

I know how much hurt you've been through, all I can wish is the best for you.
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