1784 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Firstly, I just want to say that I'd taken a little break from LS to gather myself. I felt like I was talking myself into a corner. I don't regret any of the posts that I added to my thread but I do think there is such a thing as "when to say when". You don't HAVE to have new thoughts, revelations, etc, every single day, multiple times a day. Sometimes you reach a point where you have to accept what you do know. That's where I've been. To update you all on my situation, the ex has sent a couple of emails to me this week. Neither of them really says anything at all. Mostly just small talk. Mostly to just let me know that she still exists, that she cares, that she should still be a fixture of my reality (I threw that one in there from my own assessment). There's no point in copying and pasting the emails into this thread. Believe me when I tell you that she just wants to relieve her own guilt over dumping me. Her first email basically said nothing. She did ask how I was and how my mom has been doing (if you all know the story). To me, this is just her way of dealing with her own humanity (or lack thereof). I think she feels like if she checks in on me every 3-4 weeks then that means she's not a monster. That she does care. That she shouldn't feel guilty over breaking up with me at the most inconvenient of times for me. Good for her. I did respond to her email. I sent a very brief message letting her know that I'm fine and busy, that my mom is doing her chemotherapy each week, that it's not easy but that we'll all survive. I told her nothing about what I've been doing, how I feel, if I miss her, if I love her, etc. I wished her well and that was it. I gave nothing of myself to her because frankly, she lost those privileges when she broke up with me. I guess I'm posting this now for a few reasons. One, I really cherished the people who were following and contributing to my thread "Houston, We Have Contact". Two, I want to let you all know where I am. Three, I'd love any perspective that anyone has. Four, I'm really debating going full NC if she emails me again. I just don't see the purpose anymore. She's not someone I want to make small talk with. She's not someone I want to be friends with (and yes, we discussed this at an earlier time. We both agreed that being friends was not something that we wanted to do). I've learned so very much about myself, what I want and need, what she wants and needs, etc. It's not easy. Most things aren't easy to swallow and yet you inherently know what's best for you. Letting go... sigh... it's hard. I get closer every day, though. I hope you're all well. Thanks for listening. -1784 Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 As for going full NC, it doesn't look like your communications with her are benefiting you in any measurable way. I think your assessment of the situation sounds pretty accurate. It's been said, but she's throwing you crumbs. I think that you're on the right track, but even when you're on the right track you question things and need support. Stay the course my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Vitai Slade Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 "I gave nothing of myself to her because frankly, she lost those privileges when she broke up with me." This made my day. I really need to start thinking in this fashion. There is no reason to spill your guts out for someone who doesn't want to be with you. Your deep down feelings should be kept to yourself, your partner, and your best friends ONLY. I'm going to start doing this. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 hey 1784, I think it's perfectly clear you should go full NC now. You know this, so consider this a little shove in the right direction. Like you said she's just feeding your crumbs. You both agreed you can't /don't want to be friends, so why continue with the emails? Focus on yourself and all the little things you enjoy about spending time with your mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1784 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 Yup, that is what I have decided. Nothing good is coming from contact with her, whether she initiates it or not. It doesn't matter. Contact is contact and I've kind of had to learn that the hard way. She's looking for a response from me that she's never going to get so there's no point at all, to any of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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