Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Coping

The Loneliness

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd April 2011, 1:49 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 29
The Loneliness

So, here I am...31 years old and my relationship of 3 years ended 7 months ago. I live alone now. The ex used to live with me and I had room-mates before him.

How do you guys cope with the loneliness? Sometimes I just cry because I think of all my married or attached friends and family and it just sucks to be all by myself!

I am getting older and I am single and I am childless.

I go to work all day and I am alone at night and it just makes me sad!

What do you guys do when you feel this way??
Flowerzzz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2011, 3:21 PM   #2
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: ny
Posts: 483
OK...Got it. I understand how you feel I think a lot of people on here will too lol. Now is the time when you have to begin to enjoy yourself by yourself. It's easy to go home and feel lonely but would you feel less lonely if your SO were there and in a bad relationship? When your in one of those you are far more alone than you are right now.

Bottom line is you have to relax and cut yourself some slack and learn to love yourself and value the time alone. It sounds like an impossible thing to do, but it's really not!!! Once you hit a point where you feel great alone (meaing not in a relationship) is when you will more than likely find another. Any time prior to that though and it's a recipe for disaster. Any time someone comes into your life and saves you from yourself it does'nt work out. Eventually you don't need each other any more and the relationship dies a slow death.

BTW your 31 not 71-my god. Go easy on yourself
poorguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2011, 3:23 PM   #3
Established Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 2,554
Xbox... but seriously you just have to remember that there has been times in your past where you've been alone before and been fine. It's not so much the loneliness now, it's the feeling of emptyness after having been so used to having someone with you.

I had to make a list of all the things I did before my ex came into my life. I was single and happy I know that, and not really looking for anyone when she came along. So now I try to remember how I felt before and do the things I used to do.

Oh yeah, and I too have friends that are married with kids whereas I'm in my thirties without, but that doesn't mean I don't still see them. Yeah, I get the feeling of jealousy for what they've got, but it's funny that I also sometimes get them saying they're jealous of my single life. I guess it's a case of some people are never satisfied...

Stay strong, things do get better. Always.
smudge21 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2011, 3:33 PM   #4
Established Member
Lil1's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 537
Yes, the loneliness you experience after the person you once loved is no longer by your side 24/7 may seem unbearable at times. I lived with my ex for 2 years and when he left it was devastating for me. Most of my friends are in LTRs and I don't have too much family near me. The worst times for me were mornings, waking up alone and also at night coming home from work. I started going to the gym and spending at least 2 hours there 4-5 days a week. So far that has helped me with my physical well being, and also provides some distraction so I don't feel as lonely. I also have reached out to friends and started organizing outings (it's easy for friends to show up if you plan things). I also tried online dating and met a sweet guy whom I see about once a week. Nothing serious though, and I don't think I will be ready for a serious relationship for a while. I still think of my ex everyday, but I try not to dwell on him.

Try your best to stay active, whether it is going to the gym, the movies, going bowling, or just having friends for dinner. The key is to not let yourself wallow in your loneliness. It is much easier to cure loneliness then it is a broken heart, and I think that once you get your social groove back you will feel better and be able to move on faster. You have to be proactive because people aren't going to come to you, you have to reach out. LS is a wonderful place for this too. Take care of yourself, and best of luck to you!
You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss
Lil1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2011, 3:47 PM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 19
They say that the people that we are with are in our lives at any given time are in that moment in time a similar emotional/spiritual/mental growing process as we our and something inside of us recognizes it. At that light of the end of the tunnel, when you come out of a relationship and find yourself single, youíll find yourself stronger, knowing yourself better than you ever did, and you will attract and meet someone that is equally strong and at the same emotional/spiritual/mental stage in their development.
So think about it, if this is true, then you are destined for someone much better than your ex. Be patient, enjoy being single, because trust me, the grass always seems greener, but It definitely isnít!

You are single now, so do everything youíve always wanted! Youíre free. And you are still young. Donít live by a timeclock that is set in place by societies standards. People in Italy donít get married until they are in their 30ís itís a common thing so donít let the stupid US white picket fence family ideal bring you down. Its kind of a myth. ANd a stupid one. WOmen have children well into their 40's now.

Live your life for yourself and donít focus on what you donít have and what your married friends do. Think about what you DO have. Which is freedom to do whatever you please and to truly learn to love yourself and your life.

whenever I get down about being single again I remember the best line from Joy Luck Club, "Losing him does not matter. It is you who will be found"
ViolaSwamp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2011, 5:34 PM   #6
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 29
All of your responses were so uplifting! It is true: my friends who are married with kids probably envy my free time and I will come out of this a stronger person. i will know myself again and I will find another man to share my life with who is more compatible with me. Thank you so much! There are just moments and minutes of self-doubt and loneliness. I will let such moments pass and keep my eye on the prize---ME!
Flowerzzz is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Loneliness... Thunder bay Breaks and Breaking Up 4 8th October 2008 6:58 PM
loneliness Beee Coping 15 23rd August 2008 12:02 PM
Loneliness. Lights Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 4 5th April 2007 12:29 AM
Loneliness.? Mydish1 In Search Of... 10 5th November 2006 1:10 AM
on loneliness CurlyIam General Relationship Discussion 6 2nd September 2004 7:32 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:43 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.