What's a good way to get over an engagement breakup?

[Lop]

Hey guys - I was doing a little searching about suicidal tendencies after a breakup and ran into this little forum. While the emasculate design was a bit off-putting, a little bit of reading made it clear that it might help me to post some things on here.

 

I'm aware that my situation isn't one-of-a-kind or original, but it still hurts just as badly. I've never been a social person; you could almost say I'm a misanthrope. I've seen so many people screw each other over, go out to party and sleep with random men and women (I have never drank or smoke and never intend to), and I've even seen someone kill another person because of a careless disregard of traffic laws - you get the idea that I don't have a good view of people in general.

 

For the longest time, I was a model student; I did great in class, made top grades, and was respected by practically everyone for being a good person. That doesn't mean that I had a lot of friends, and I was always a very shy guy - I never had a 'real' relationship until I was out of high school. What's even sadder is that my most meaningful one started out online.

 

Back in '08, I met a nice girl while playing an online game. We shared many similar characteristics - no reason to list 'em all out, though. It only lasted four months at the time, however; she decided that she couldn't handle the demands that a long-distance relationship could bring. I was obviously distraught, as we fit together very well (I can honestly say there wasn't any trait of hers I truly disliked other than her ability to completely turn cold and ignore me after she changed her mind). I got over it within a week or two, found a new job, etc.

 

Anyway, fast forward to today - well, fifteen months ago. We eventually came into contact again (she randomly started talking to me), and we got back into the idea of being into a relationship. This time, however, we could afford to be together in person. We were able to have a semblance of a normal relationship with each other in person for a good while - and it was amazing. We never fought. I honestly couldn't have been happier; it was nothing like any of my past relationships.

 

We eventually both thought about engagement, and went through with it.

 

A few days ago, she completely cut me off from contact She's had to go home from time to time, which is a good distance away - another country away, to be exact. She lives in Canada. Surprise!

 

She says that she loves me, but that she has mental issues she has to get help for - that shouldn't mean that she has to shut me out from everything. We literally spent almost every single minute of our time together for months at a time, and she never gave any indications of being tired of me.

 

I honestly feel like I'm going insane. I can't manage to keep most things down if I eat, and I haven't been able to sleep in days (if you call short bouts of rest sleep, then I've slept a few hours). I have only a few college classes right now, and that's about the only thing keeping me busy, which isn't much at all. I don't feel like going to classes any longer, either.

 

To make a long story short, I have never been able to connect with someone else on such a personal level - I couldn't possibly explain it properly on here, anyway. I'm sure some of you can understand and agree with that. To be so suddenly and unexpectedly thrown out in this way is not only unfair, it's cruel. She even said she still loves me, before ignoring any texts or calls I send any more. She's made it clear she has no intention of ever coming back here, before you get any ideas.

 

I'm a loner - I don't have friends, and my family isn't much help, to be painfully honest (we don't see eye-to-eye on many, many things). And I'm sure I did a poor job of explaining what's going on - but I'm not in the best of mindsets right now, either. I don't want to kill myself, but I feel like I have no will to live, either - I don't have a purpose right now, and anything I might do feels pointless without her in my life.

 

I don't know where to find anyone who cares and actually wants to be around me, either. I'm not a bad guy, and while I'll come off as vain anyway, I want to say that I'm not what you'd call a hideous guy - I'm just very tired of what seems to be the average person today: they just go out to parties every weekend and switch lovers just as often. No one seems to want to stay around me too often because I don't want to do anything like that.

[BlindRage]

You're my brother from another mother, haha. I know what you are going through. The same way you ended up here is the exact reason why I ended up here. I figured that people are cold and you have to take care of yourself before you even care for another. You can't put anyone above yourself or live off of their happiness. I don't know if you understand what I mean but thats the way I see it.