flow15 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) So I've been about 10 weeks NC, however it was broken 4 weeks ago when my ex sent me the lyrics to a song (called one last chance) and I had to ask him what it meant (nothing- some of you may know the story). Anyway after that happened, I was furious with him as he was still trying to mess with my head. I had a go at him and felt like I finally had closure after I did. I felt really happy... but now for some reason I'm starting to feel sad and starting to miss him again!! I hate it! Why have I gone back to feeling sad? I hated him a month ago, and was so happy he was out of my life. Now I only think of the good 'romantic' times, I can't take them out of my head and it is making me miss him again!! Don't get me wrong, I don't want him back.. not after he hurt me so so much. But I think I'm holding onto the good times when he was so good to me and I can't seem to let go. Do you think its just because I need to meet someone else, is it that I just miss closeness? I don't want to feel like this anymore, its been going on for over a week now! Edited April 4, 2011 by flow15
Call Me Al Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 the stages are not necessarily in order, and they bounce back and forth and up and down and etc. It gets annoying, but it'll calm. When I went thru the "I miss her" stage pretty hard...I typed out a list of a lot of the red flags I ignored beforehand. Im not fully recovered from it of course...but when really forcing myself to consider all that is wrong with this girl I began to realize she would need to basically completely change her life to be a nice fit for me (or anyone else), and thats unrealistic and unfair to myself.
Anna86 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Hey Flow, I hope you are okay. What you are going through is natural and if it makes you feel better I am going through the same thing. I think its because we really weren't ready for the break up perhaps. We had so much more to give and all these dreams and security are gone! Its like being kicked out of a warm bed into the cold lonely streets and your heart feels homeless...In a sense! I know in time we will recover and adjust, these emotions don't last forever. Right now, I am going through the same feelings as you. Thinking back to all the good times and wishing I was there again. It's so painful. Today, I had to work over time and I was so busy at work that I actually had no time to think about it as I was really distracted. Is there anything you can throw yourself into to take your mind off it? Its really tough. Maybe the hardest period of my life so far. I guess with such intense love comes utter despair....What goes up, must come down!
silvermane187 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 It happens. I bounce between the anger and sad phases on a daily basis. Sometimes I'll go back and forth a dozen times in a single weekend. I think we just have to ride it out.
Author flow15 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys! Al, I know everything wrong with my ex and I don't want to go back to that relationship. I think what my problem is is that I just want him to want me and to miss me, he's chasing after soo many girls and I wonder why are they better than me? Hey Anna, How r u getting on? The thing is I started a new job last week!! I am totally distracted and see my friends whenever I have free time, so I don't understand when I am most distracted he is popping into my mind! I thought he would have dissappeared from my mind by now. Before I started the job I hated him and was so happy he was out of my life. Maybe its just a coincidence, because you'd think starting a new job would take your mind of your ex and not make me miss him!? Silvermane, I hope the ride won't last much longer!! I'm fed up!
Author flow15 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I also think... as more time goes on, the more it sinks in that he is never coming back, this is really the end and I'll never get the 'good' times back....
xeros Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Remember, you'll be creating a million more good times in your life. And you'll look upon these ones fondly instead of negatively. Focus on the bad times as much as you can. Keep going! Also, I find I prefer the anger stage sooo much more than the sadness, it felt good to burn that anger doing exercise or having a good moan to my friends.
Author flow15 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I definitely did prefer the anger, i dont know where its gone!!
lapse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Oh yes. I rely on anger. Our history (and I'm sure this is the same for most folks here) is spattered with some fine moments, too, and some good friendship. Just yesterday I wanted to call when I got an email and say, "Guess what my boss did now!" (It was a funny story and I wanted to share it). The first touches of "Hey - look. I'm over it... we can be friends" are dangerous for me. They're the cause of many of our reconciliations. Anger just sits so uncomfortably alongside peace. The pain/anger is there for a reason, though. I hope the anger doesn't go away too quickly. It's a constant reminder of why I am not his friend.
Author flow15 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I hope the anger doesn't go away too quickly. It's a constant reminder of why I am not his friend. I totally agree with you on that one. The anger makes me feel happy that I have escaped him, as I remember all the s*** he put me through. When you're sad its hard to remember that!
lapse Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I hope the anger doesn't go away too quickly. It's a constant reminder of why I am not his friend. I totally agree with you on that one. The anger makes me feel happy that I have escaped him, as I remember all the s*** he put me through. When you're sad its hard to remember that! Yes! Exactly. The sad 'thing' nagging at me was the turning point in our last breakup. I wanted to be friends. FRIENDS by gawd. With a disloyal, dishonest arsehat! I even reviewed the list on my desktop entitled "Why I will never be with you again" and boy were my eyes just so rosy. I didn't even care. I thought I was fine! I thought I just missed him and wanted to be friends! OH! Grrrrrrr. The anger is sacred. Really it is.
yolatanga Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 After an 8 yr break up I can only say now at one point you will wake up. I got "don't ever speak to me again, you blocked...etc" He was the one who broke up in a violent way. Now 6 mos later he gives me "crumbs" via e-mail. I finally said I'm not a crumb and cut him off. It feels good. I stopped crying. Get your self worth back.
Author flow15 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 You were right guys, the sadness that lasted 2 weeks has gone.. but I'm not back to feeling angry, just sort of feeling indifferent (for now!!). Although I do have small moments when I think of good moments and feel sad, or I think of when he was a dick and feel angry.. but I quickly take them off my mind. I'm at a stage now where I think I am ready to start seeing other guys now which is good, although I do NOT wanna get into a relationship any time soon.... Thanks for the replies
LoveBug1989 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Flow, I'm having the same kind of feelings too. I just passed the 1 month mark of NC with my ex BF. At first I was angry and bitter, but now I'm sad and pining. Like you, I don't want him back; he turned out to be two faced and getting cozy with another girl(s) while I was temporarily out of state. In fact, I'd actually like him to call me and beg for forgiveness like he did before, just so I have the opportunity to tell him that I've grown too strong and that he willingly f***ed up his last chance. I deal with the sadness by continuing to play online games with good friends, go to the gym regularly, and I boosted my self confidence a bit by coloring my hair and doing my makeup even if I'm doing simple errands, to feel good about myself. When I get sad at work, I channel that emotion into focusing sharply on my work and being very productive (my first breakup with him, I let my depression and sadness overwhelm my productivity, and as a result got in trouble with my boss about it). I'd advise just focus, find things that make you happy, and put the past behind you.
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 These are roller coaster moods, sit through them, you will become stronger and stronger.
Author flow15 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Thanks guys... I hate being on this rollercoaster!! I can't see the end! In fact, I'd actually like him to call me and beg for forgiveness like he did before, just so I have the opportunity to tell him that I've grown too strong and that he willingly f***ed up his last chance. Can totally relate to this lovebug!!!!
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