happythroughout Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Don't get me wrong, I love and miss being in a relationship. There are good things about it. But I get tired even thinking about how there will be points in the relationship where I would freak out about something, like OMG he hasn't called me in the last 24 hours, that's an anamoly so something must be wrong, or he didn't do this on facebook so something is amiss. It's not about me being a control freak but I see so many threads here about people wondering whether it's still a relationship when the SO does something out of the ordinary and people drive themselves crazy analyzing the situations. I get frightened sometimes though and sometimes my woman's instincts prove themselves right. Sure, many posters would recommend going with the flow, not freaking out at every little issue. But sometimes it isn't that easy. Anyway, my question is does anyone else here feel exhausted from all these insecurities, if you will? But there are times that you can't call the little nagging voice at the back of your head "insecurities" because the something that tells you your SO is acting strange and your relationship is going down the drain actually turns out to be true. I'm tired. Link to post Share on other sites
ladeedee Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Yes! I feel the exact same way you do. I still hear people complaining about having not hearing from their bf/gf and I'm like.. really? It could be worse! Then there are some people that just complain all the time! I just want to tell them, hey, if you complain this much, just get out of the relationship. Why stay? That's one thing I learned from my last relationship. Don't deal with someones insecurities and focus on the more important things. If something is bothering you, then tell them or just go to a close friend and get advice. Amazing what you learn from one relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I've only been out of my relationship a few days and I'm feeling free of not having to argue or worrying about what I did wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 It sounds like you're tired of bad relationships. A good relationship has enough trust, love, and communication where these issues rarely come up. I know what you mean though. 3 months before my breakup me and my ex had a "mini breakup" that lasted 12 hours. After that I never fully regained the trust I had in her and it was never the same. I can't imagine the entire 3 years we were toegether being like that. Having complete trust in someone is the only way to go. Sure you open yourself up for a shock if things don't work out but at least you gave it an honest shot and can say it wasn't you fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I guess so. I need to find someone to trust because this one was not trust worthy especially after I found out he was married. Filed for the divorce. He has ten days to figure it out and will NOT talk to me. It's been a year with him. He has played with my head so long. I think I was his mid life crisis. Hes 54 and I'm 39. His soon to be ex isn't all that. I think he wanted a trophy to play with for a while. I don't know rather to cry, hate him or run run run Link to post Share on other sites
radrluv72 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I don't know that I ever flipped out about something out of the ordinary happening during a relationship, because most of the time nothing did. But I can tell you what made me overanalyze this last one to death...being in a relationship where everything so easy, effortless, and happy, with not one red flag ever going off that something might have been amiss, and then suddenly getting dumped on my butt from completely out of the blue. After that, I spent 4 months going over every single thing he told me when it happened, if I missed something, if I did something...and this was even after he told me that I didn't do anything wrong. But at the same time, he wasn't being forthcoming abouit why he suddenly wanted to end things. What makes me crazy is the not knowing. I'm not a person who takes things at face value...if something sounds like crap or that you're not getting the whole truth, that's usually the case. I can understand why some people just can't bring themselves to talk about their issues, but then I also don't. I guess that it's a breakup where you get a real good look a part of someone that you didn't oridinarily see, and it's a real good indicator of how certain situations would have unfolded in the future had you stayed together. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTNT Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Yes, I have thought about this too. I also think about how much I've healed even though I'm still on the journey (8months) but I look back and I'm like, wow! I'm in a better place. The worse has occurred already. OK maybe seeing him with another girl any time soon will sting, but I don't have anyone to worry about. I don't have to worry about him acting different and what might be the reason, etc. Sigh, It feels good to know that it's me myself and I and this is a great thing (after going from one relationship to the next), I'm healing the right way this time. No arguments, no bla bla this bla bla that, sigh. Detox.... Link to post Share on other sites
No_hope Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I'm just tired of being in a relationship! they ALWAYS seem to have something bad go in them, most relationships always someone cheats, they fight about stupid things, they lose feelings for each other, they get bored with each other. I never have done any of those things besides losing feelings (he was an abusive alcoholic). Relationships to me should be something that you both are willing to put 100% into, enjoy life together, be each others best friend, raise a family together, do fun things together like hiking, camping, skiing, etc. But no, everyone thinks relationships these days are all butterflies, sex, being with someone who is very attractive all the time. it's just nuts! I am tired of being in a relationship because they never seem to work out. as for insecurities? I never have any at all with any of my relationships, because if they don't like me for who I am, then screw them! Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) It sounds like you're tired of bad relationships. A good relationship has enough trust, love, and communication where these issues rarely come up. It's like almost all the relationships are "bad." After a while, I wonder why he didn't call at the usual time, or why he did this or that, or why something was different. Am I insecure? Or are these relationships really that terrible? After that, I spent 4 months going over every single thing he told me when it happened, if I missed something, if I did something...and this was even after he told me that I didn't do anything wrong. I can relate to this though mine happens more during the relationships. Did I do this that caused him to do that? I'm so tired of it. Is it so difficult to find someone that would do what he promises? And not have to let me wonder why he did this or that? Edited April 5, 2011 by happythroughout Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 What I'm tired of feeling is that what happened between my ex and I was a lie. I'm tired of wondering if I had just done something differently then maybe she would still be here. It feels now that what happened was just a dream. I feel like my life right now is just a dream also, I don't feel alive. I wont be getting into any relationship now or for the foreseeable future, all I want now is my own happiness. I only want my happiness now. I think I deserve that after everything. I don't know how to get it though the answer isn't a relationship.. at least I know that much. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 It's like almost all the relationships are "bad." After a while, I wonder why he didn't call at the usual time, or why he did this or that, or why something was different. Am I insecure? Or are these relationships really that terrible? I can relate to this though mine happens more during the relationships. Did I do this that caused him to do that? I'm so tired of it. Is it so difficult to find someone that would do what he promises? And not have to let me wonder why he did this or that? I can totally relate to this. It makes me not want to enter another relationship again! What I also want to know is, was I just unlucky or am I insecure, or are all relationships like this? Link to post Share on other sites
xeros Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 It's refreshing being single for the first time in 3 years. It's nice not having to think about that stuff! I was horrendously paranoid about every little thing. Ironically, the first time I actually didn't worry about one of those little signs, was the thing which grew to end one of my relationships! ): Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Yes, it is frustrating. With my last relationship, while there were a couple of things that made me feel uneasy to think of (not questioning, just slight worries), for the entire first year, it was always amazing and happy, always positive. The second year was nothing but one giant worry and head****. Hence why I'm still so in love with the memory of her. I've seen relationships come and go, and the sad fact is, the majority end. All relationships have their insecurities and constant worries. I was privileged enough to not have them for a long time, and now I'm at a point where I am sick of them, I don't think I'll have it that easy again, and I don't ever want to. But we as human beings will always keep chasing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I keep telling myself to roll with the punches but when it comes to relationships, I find it difficult to not analyse or think did I cause this, did I cause that. Times like this (being tired of relationship issues), I thought I would because I couldn't care less and don't want to worry over this and that. But when I get into a new relationship and if the guy is less than reliable (breaks promises), I'll freak out. Link to post Share on other sites
MistyBryant Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 What I also want to know is, was I just unlucky or am I insecure, or are all relationships like this? This is exactly how I feel right now. I sometimes feel unlucky, other times insecure, and then I'm thinking well all relationships are like this so why even bother. Some people say that you will love being in a relationship if both parties are honest and caring but are there relationships like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author happythroughout Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 This is exactly how I feel right now. I sometimes feel unlucky, other times insecure, and then I'm thinking well all relationships are like this so why even bother. Some people say that you will love being in a relationship if both parties are honest and caring but are there relationships like that? There are relationships I know that are like that. Sometimes I think I'm the problem with my overanalysis and insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
proactivedreamer Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Most,if not all, of us here are in the wrong head space to really provide unbiased response to this question. We are all mending our broken hearts, so yes no one here is inclined to really think positively about relationships. The reality is that relationships will never be free of problems, ever! I am naive and I get so lost when I am with someone. It's like I experience a metamorphosis, and I am just not the same person. I never look for love, I don't casually date, but some how I meet someone that makes me go "aaaaahhh wow". I don't really feel that way easily either. I don't need to be with someone... Link to post Share on other sites
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