Day 10 of NC and feeling like a million bucks

[Country_Girl]

Well, it's been over 3 months since the breakup. The month of January was spent in very low contact (maybe 3 emails and 1 phone call). February was low contact, a few emails, a handful of phone calls, and a few text messages. March was full of emails, tons of calls saying he loved me and missed me, tons of text messages.

 

I couldn't handle it anymore, sure it was nice to feel loved again- but it wasn't fair to me as he had all the benefits of a relationship without having to be in one. And I realized I was probably helping him get over me by staying in contact, as it was hitting him much later on. But where was my help? All of January I was a mess, I lost 15 lbs, I cried in my pillow, I begged god to take me from this world, I was in a new state and had no friends. So, I told him we couldn't talk anymore, I was falling back into day one of the breakup, and all his mixed messages were fu*king with my head.

 

The first 2 days were hard, I fell into some good fortune and just wanted to share the news with him. But I restrained myself, I had to break the pattern. The next 5 days were also tough as I have a new job and the store isn't open yet & didn't have work for close to a week which left me with plenty of time to think about him- but not enough to contact him.

 

Here it is, day 10 and I feel like a million bucks. I noticed the last 3 days at work he never crossed my mind AT ALL. Which is a huge improvement, cause usually he creeps in my mind even though I don't want him there. They let us off work early yesterday, and I met a great group of girls (coworkers) and we all went out for Mexican and margarita's after work. I had such a fun time with them, not once did I think "I wish he was here to enjoy this with me". We all exchanged our love/lack of love stories and they really lifted my spirits. They all told me how strong I was for picking up the pieces and moving on. They didn't believe me when I told them what a mess I was before, they said I should be proud that I am here with them and moving on.

 

You know, before I was terrified of being single- I've always been the type of gal that's always in a relationship. But now the 5 of us are talking about taking a road trip to Vegas this summer and possibly to New Mexico also, and all I can think is, I'm glad I'm not tied down.

 

I am feeling great thanks to NC. No more mixed messages, no more messages period. I am finally off the roller coaster and it feels great. I don't even want to talk to the ex anymore (and it's not a hatred thing)- I just desire to, I don't need him. I'd rather be happy and alone, then miserable with him.

[No_hope]

Wow! My ex broke up with me January 3rd and I was also a mess, and no I haven't been in contact with him (lost count of the days) I feel so much better! and Same, I don't want to contact him at all.

 

good for you!

 

I'm also happy about being single, and not being "tied down"

[Layzie89]

Glad to hear NC is working out for the both of you. It definitely makes you feel better over timw. You will have your low days but the most important thing is not to let these low days affect your NC. They will pass and as each day goes by, these low days become less frequent. I'm 2 months into NC amd I have no plans of looking back. Stick with it long enough and I promise it only gets easier. Congrats!

[Country_Girl]

Well, go figure, day 11 and he breaks NC. It was nothing major, just a funny forward email and a small message, I didn't respond (it was just a picture anyway) - seemed pointless just to send an "lol" back.

 

But I know he didn't send it to everyone in his address book, I was the only recipient. Don't get me wrong, we are on good terms and all, and I'm flattered that he thought of me and would find it funny- but it just kind of irks me that he is making an appearance in my life. I know him, I know his insecurities, and this email was not designed to create a laugh, it was a way to show me he's still there. The intent is so I do not forget about him.

 

I'm not going to do anything crazy and block his email, because in the future, I really wouldn't mind a friendship with him after we are both healed of this. I already have him blocked and deleted from messenger, fb, and his phone number deleted so there would be no temptation to contact him (which no longer is an issue).

 

The contact didn't set me back, I just wish it was for the right reasons- not just to serve as a reminder.

[cerridwen]

Country_Girl=Wise

 

 

Continued healing!

[Country_Girl]

Well damn, I guess it's back to day 1 of NC. He sent a text around midnight saying he sent a dumb email and he was sorry for breaking NC. My problem is, I am too nice, so I replied, because I didn't want him to think I was mad. Told him it was okay, then he texted back asking about my new job. I told him it was going great. Well, then he calls me.

 

We pretty much had the same convo we did the last 5 times trying to start NC. He's like "we can't be talking anymore because it's like pouring salt on an open wound" and I am like "I know". All I could think was, why did he call me then? He asked if I ever saw us getting back together, I said "I don't know, that's something I asked you in the past a few times and you never had any answers for me" he was like "yeah that's true". Wth? Why even ask me that then. He then says he'd like to be in my life, but he needs to work on himself and he'd like to contact me in a year. That's all fine and dandy, but he's been saying this for a month, and he's the one that keeps breaking NC!

 

He does the whole I love you, I miss you thing. I ask why he called and he said he wanted to build me up because he realized how much he destroyed my self esteem during the relationship. I said he didn't have to do that as I was responsible for my own self image but he proceeded to compliment me for 10 minutes, maybe longer. He then told me not to wait for him, if I meet someone I should go with it.

 

Overall, contact did not set me back. I feel really sorry for him, he sounded very very sad the whole conversation. I know he feels extreme guilt, guilt he has been apologizing for over a month now. I keep telling him "it's okay, I am okay, forgive yourself". But he is just so sad, pretty much sounded like he was in tears when we said goodbye.

 

I wish I knew what he was thinking. He seems so back and forth all the time. I wonder why it is hitting him so late in the BU. I mean, I feel like I am 80% healed of this, I didn't need him to tell me to move on, because in my mind I am, I have accepted we may never be together again and I am okay with it.

 

Guess it's back to NC.