Girlfriend's going to a wedding with a guy friend.

[UCFKevin]

So over a month ago, my girlfriend of over 2 years and I went on a break. Recently, things have been getting back to normal, been seeing her more and talking more normally and such.

 

I find out that she's going to a wedding with an old guy friend of hers from high school. She doesn't know the people in the wedding, she's just going with her friend. She said it's purely platonic and that it's not a date at all.

 

But the thing is, she's gonna start losing weight and getting into shape for the dress she's going to wear, so she's getting nice and pretty for some other guy and not me.

 

How should I feel about all of this?

 

I'm going to talk about it to her tonight, I just don't know what the hell to do. What if they slow dance? What if this guy makes a move?

 

What if what if what if?

 

I HATE what if's......

[desperate]

I think you should figure out where you guys are with each other.

 

I guess I don't really understand what a break is exactly. You are either together, or you're not.

 

If you're not...then she isn't your girl, and the what ifs don't matter.

 

If you are still together, then you should completely tell her how you feel. You have to be careful not to sound jealous or insecure, because that is a definite turn-off to women.

 

Hope this helps!

[Nostalghia]

Wait a minute .... just how big is she?!

[UCFKevin]

She's not big, but she thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, I guess it's for the dress.

 

The thing about the whole jealousy thing, what if I act like I don't care at all? Let her do whatever she wants and not comment on it? Then she'll think I don't care that much, that's the thing I don't get about women. Sometimes there's just no winning.

 

If you fight for the girl, it might turn her off because you're being a nuisance.

 

If you don't fight for the girl, it might turn her off because it seems like you don't care.

 

If I act jealous, it might bother her. If I DON'T act jealous, it might bother her.

 

Anyway, I just talked to her on the phone, she assured me it's nothing, that the guy is just a friend and theres no attraction whatsoever, so...I guess that's that.

[amerikajin]

You're in a screwy position right now. You're very vulnerable. I mean it's one thing when you're trying to get the girl at first and you're both still playing the field. But in this case, she's already seen you and she already knows you. There's the risk she might be attracted to the unknown - even though she "knows" this guy, it's been a while since they've seen each other and she doesn't really know what it's like to date him. She does, however, know what it's like to date you. I don't mean to get your anxiety up, but there is the risk that she may hook up with this guy for that reason. You're instincts are right: this is more than just "platonic". She's trying to feel him out to see what it might be like to date this guy.

 

My advice is to pull back a little bit and be very cautious. Don't read too much into your reconciliation with her. If I were you, I would keep myself busy by dating other women. She doesn't have to know about them. Don't make yourself available for commitment unless she does.

[amerikajin]

Don't take her word for it that it's purely platonic. How many times you seen friends of yours who've been screwed over by their girlfriend who suddenly broke the bad news to them "Well at first we were just friends but then, I don't know, like...things changed."??? You keep playing until she STOPS playing. Keep in touch with her and continue dating, but hook up with other chicks until you've gotten a commitment from her.

 

One more piece of advice don't let her see that you're getting jealous about it, either. She'll exploit that either with this guy or with someone else.

[UCFKevin]

This is rather humorous to go back to.

 

My ex is now in a serious relationship with the guy she went to the wedding with.

 

Boy, do I hate being right all the time...

[sportsloving]

Dratted, I hate it when that happens. UGHS. Sometimes your gut knows things before your heart wants to believe them

[reservoirdog1]

Hey, I had something similar. After TBXW dropped the bomb about her years of cheating and misery, we nominally "worked on the marriage" for 2 months before she said she wanted separation.

 

During those 2 months, she started going for drinks with a much older rich guy she'd known socially for awhile (she's 30, he's 53 or so). He was going through a divorce. She said they were just friends, though when they went for drinks she'd usually come home later than she said she would. After a couple of times I told her this was really bugging me, especially given the recent revelations and the fact that we were supposed to be trying to reconcile. She told me that they were just friends, that it was mostly him talking about his failed marriage and her listening. (Yeah, right.) But she did admit that he might be interested in more than that and agreed to back it off with him.

 

Anyway, a few weeks later we agreed to separate at the end of October. In mid October (I was packing and sleeping on the couch at that point) I took the kids to school and had to come home unexpectedly to pick up something. And who was there with her? Him. Not doing anything except sitting on the couch talking, but she was sitting sideways facing him... "f*ck me" eyes all the way. She nervously introduced us, I shook his hand as tightly as I could, and left. She later admitted that she was interested in him. First night I was out of there, he was over at the house. Now they're a couple, and have been together for almost 6 months.

 

I guess she wasn't really cheating on me with him, but it still pisses me off. I haven't said more than a handful of words to him in any of the handful of times I've seen him, because it still hurts. I've only just reached the point where I can be in the same room as him.