Brocke Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) I tried to go back to my ex that ended on good terms but she is with a ex now that treats her bad. yells and stuff. but she seems to wanna try and "work" it would and stuff. She talk to me about her problems and stuff. we talk on a daily basis almost all day. but she doesnt wanna talk to me when he around because he'll get mad and start a fight. my question is How if at all can i win her back? she told me today that he and her had a talk and that he's gunna try and help out more and stuff. shes told me things that no else knows because she trust me greatly. so is this me talking on a friends level really work? she know excactly how i feel. she told me that she promised him and her self she'd give it 3 months and if things didnt get better she'd move on. should i continue to talk like we have and stuff wait it out? i just feel like i have a whole in my heart. i miss her bad. thank you all Brock EDIT: I wanted to add that we did a no contact for two weeks she wanted it. everything was going good. i didnt talk to her at all. she sent me a text saying just wanted to say hi and hope your alright. then from there its been a daily thing we talk. i asked why she talk to she said it was because she missed talking to me. i still dont know what shes thinking. Edited March 29, 2011 by Brocke Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 In my opinion, does it matter what she really think? The fact is: - Is she doing anything to work things out with you? - Is she doing or saying anything she wants you back? We will know if she is going to come back to you, but what if she doesn't, the hole your heart will only gets bigger and bigger. Instead of thinking of what she thinks and feels, think for yourself first. Your constantly thinking of what she is thinking is just going to slow down your healing process. First and foremost, stop contacting her, whether she initiated the conversation or you did. You probably felt she needs to have a deep think about both of your relationship but the truth is you yourself also need to think deep about this relationship. No matter what, stay NC. It is the most painful decision for dumpees but it is also the best way to heal the faster. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Yup, friends zone all right. Not impossible to get out of, but definitely very hard to get out of. She's talking to you about stuff that she should be talking to her boyfriend about. This is a messy set up and you don't see her as just a friend. You're okay with the hurt? You're really okay with hurting from not being with her? This part from her: she told me that she promised him and her self she'd give it 3 months and if things didnt get better she'd move on She just said she's going to move on but it doesn't suggest that she'll get back together with you. You'll wait for her then? What if you can move on w/ those 3 months that you put your healing on hold waiting for a wild card? Brother, I think you already know what to do. You just don't want to do it yet. You will when you're ready, but the sooner you choose, the faster you'll heal. It will hurt you a lot, but hanging around with someone who doesn't seem like she's helping herself isn't healthy either. I understand that you're making choices for yourself; at the very least, if the efforts don't pay off in the way you want them to, you can tell yourself "Well, at least I tried." How much will trying cost you, though? Is that cost worth it? It's hard to turn away someone we really care about and love very much. I know you're showing her that you're there for her and hopefully, she'll remember that. At some point though, you have to think of yourself. If you know that you can handle this kind of contact from her, then you'll act accordingly but she's not doing you any good at the moment. I could be wrong in everything I said, too. Take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I'm telling you brother, she's using you. Good luck with everything and perhaps, you might come out of this as one of the few exceptions with regards to getting out of the friends zone. Link to post Share on other sites
angelboots Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 honestly? I dont want to hurt your feelings or give you the answer you dont want to hear, but she is using you to fill the gaps in her relationship. and for as long as you do it she wont leave her partner... Right now she is having her cake and eating it too, she has the familiarity, routine, sex and probably love with her current boyfriend. You are providing her with ultra support, ultra attention, ultra ego boost. She must feel she has it made. If she wanted you as more then a friend, you would know, the apparently abusive current partner would be gone and you would be together. Her timeline is an excuse to keep you feeding her need for what ever it is she is getting from you. For the next three months any time you put some pressure on her about what is going on she will either say he still has two months or he still has one month then she will tell you at the three month mark that he has been trying harder so she wants to wait some more. Im sorry you are in that situation. I would suggest you tell her you are going to give her boyfriend and her some space for that three months, and let her experience life with out you in it. Go NC for three months, then after three months see where she is at. If she is still flopping on the issue of leaving her guy, then you need to leave them be too. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brocke Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 All, Thank you for all your replies, Your right about alot of things. Maybe she is using me. @ angleboots, yeah i think ur right with telling her that im going NC lets see how that works out. But like you said better to move on then hurt over. take care all Brock Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) Stop doing this to yourself. If the most you can get out of this relationship is the thought that it may increase your chances of getting back together then it's not worth it. Say goodbye, tell her how much it hurts, that you wish her well and then no more contact. Seriously. Your chances of getting into a relationship that you enjoy instead of this relationship that you have now will be greatly increased if you stop taken on her pain and start dealing with your own. Whoever you next have an intimate relationship with will be glad that you spent time healing your wounds, fixing your own life, taking care of yourself instead of wasting your energy absorbing your ex's problems. No more contact. Edited March 29, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 NC man. Love will come again. Besides, if she is unintelligent enough to stay with an abusive ex, then is she really someone intelligent enough to maintain a healthy relationship? NC. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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