steamie Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 There is a really special person in my life that I had been attracted to since I met her, she was the first real friend I ever had. I developed feelings for her and started caring about her. We had a real close friendship, mostly because we met when we were very young and we were untouched versions of ourselves before being greatly influenced by the world. Inevitably we grew apart as we aged and she eventually changed schools. I still thought about her, and I used that to help get me through a lot of negative experiences growing up. As I became older, a lot of girls thought I was very attractive but nothing felt the same way as how I remember being around her. I always regretted not telling her how I felt. My feelings for her became repressed when I finally forced myself to start dating a different girl, we were together for a few years but I knew the entire time I could never be with her permanently. I guess I started to subconsciously neglect her because of this, and she left me for another man. She was my first girlfriend and it hurt, but a month or two after the breakup I started having recurring dreams about my special friend, my feelings for her came back to the surface and I couldn't ignore them anymore. Now that we've grown up I got back in contact with her and we went out for coffee. I couldn't disguise myself at all around her, and I felt very exposed but connected to her the whole time. We were both very honest with eachother and caught up with eachothers lives and had a great time. We made plans for next time she was in the area we'd get dinner, but that wouldn't be for awhile. Afterward I knew if I wanted to continue to have her in my life without tormenting myself I had to be completely honest with her. I told her everything about how I felt, and she was flattered but overwhelmed, and gave me a gentle rejection. She never said anything about having feelings for someone else, or not looking for a relationship, or even how she felt about me. She just said she saw getting together as catching up as friends which I agreed with, and that she hopes that I find someone great. The more I think about it the more confused I become. Half of me still wants to think there is hope, because she doesn't know me very well anymore, and maybe I just jumped the gun. The other half of me wants to just give up and accept it and move on. I was hoping to get a solid definite yes or no from her by doing this, but there is still a lot of grey areas. I said I was sorry for putting her in an awkward situation, and if she didn't want to see me anymore I would understand, but I would still just be her friend. I feel somewhat relieved with the answer I got from her, but at the same time I wanted a better explanation from her. I don't want to chase her anymore, but I feel like there's still a chance. We haven't really gotten together since coffee, and I left it to be her choice if we would ever again. I dont really know what to do or how to approach this. Link to post Share on other sites
Pavle Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 .... and that she hopes that I find someone great. ... By not contacting her for dinner, esp. if you told her a specific date in the near future that you were going to. Maybe she'll wonder why you didn't purse her more, maybe pondering whether you were as clingy as she seems to have thought... Link to post Share on other sites
Author steamie Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 By not contacting her for dinner, esp. if you told her a specific date in the near future that you were going to. Maybe she'll wonder why you didn't purse her more, maybe pondering whether you were as clingy as she seems to have thought... I don't really think I was clingy.. I was just honest with her. I never bothered her about getting together or smothered her with phone calls or messages from me, we both agreed to have coffee and catch up, and sent a few messages back and fourth over the course of a few weeks. I just had to tell her how I felt about her, but I could be wrong I suppose. So are you just saying to back off completely and hope she comes to me? I don't want to disappear just because she rejected me, wouldn't I just look like a jerk? Link to post Share on other sites
NoEnd_Mary Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I told her everything about how I felt, and she was flattered but overwhelmed, and gave me a gentle rejection. She never said anything about having feelings for someone else, or not looking for a relationship, or even how she felt about me. She just said she saw getting together as catching up as friends which I agreed with, and that she hopes that I find someone great. I'm sorry dear but you have your answer right here. She sees you only as a friend. In that case, you should just let her go. I'm sorry it's not easy to hear but it's best you come to terms with this now than invest anymore emotions towards her. There are plenty of women out there who would love to get the attention of someone like you. You have to just continue being yourself and you will find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Pavle Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Maybe "clingy" isn't the best way to put it. But, honestly, I can't relate to calling someone whom I knew a long time ago that was just a friend to go get coffee because I've been thinking about them for so long, despite there never having been any serious relationship... I would find this hard to do even with a woman whom I've dated, given enough time has elapsed... Imagine from her perspective: "Hmmm that's strange... nice guy, yes, good memories... okay..but i wonder what could be up after all this time? W.I.E.R.D. [in sarcastic woman voice]" then if you tell her you've been thinking about her all this time... etc and so on... not like the movies... romanticism can creep them out rather than flatter them... but if she was into you she wouldn't have said she hopes you find someone "great"... but, why not realize you lost one, DON'T expect anything, and just consider her a friend? Always good to have women as friends... let HER help you "find someone great." lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author steamie Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Yes I know, good advice. I just don't want to disappear off the face of the earth to her again just because she doesn't like me like that though, wouldn't that just make me look creepier if im already looking a little weird? She's a great person regardless and I basically told her that off the bat just so I can get it off my chest and I can know for sure if she sees me as a friend or as more then a friend. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to do but I just didn't want to continue to be emotionally attached to her and strung along for months trying to get out of the friend zone. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Oh thats tough. You should give her some space (I know you're already but I guess I mean you should also distance yourself from her a little). Its hard after liking her for so long, I once liked this girl for about 10 years -we weren't even friends or ANYTHING- and I sent her a random message not to long ago, hahah it was creepy (I didn't reveal my identity though, but still). You need some "off" time, its painful to know another person doesn't feel the same way you feel about them. Try to do things that you enjoy right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steamie Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Oh thats tough. You should give her some space (I know you're already but I guess I mean you should also distance yourself from her a little). Its hard after liking her for so long, I once liked this girl for about 10 years -we weren't even friends or ANYTHING- and I sent her a random message not to long ago, hahah it was creepy (I didn't reveal my identity though, but still). You need some "off" time, its painful to know another person doesn't feel the same way you feel about them. Try to do things that you enjoy right now. haha, yea I'm not too heartbroken from being rejected, just a little bit embarrassed I guess. I mean it would have been great to be in a relationship with her, but just the uncertainty and regret about not asking was giving me a lot of inner turmoil. I was unsure of how she felt about me because she would send all of these mixed signals, and I knew it wasn't going to go away until I just got rid of it. Maybe im just sub consciously trying to scrape together whats left of my confidence, but I feel better now knowing she is a friend and not a possibility, well at least I hope still a friend hahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
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