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Drunk and ran into ex!!!!


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Old 27th March 2011, 3:01 AM   #1
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Drunk and ran into ex!!!!

In a nutshell, ex and I split 7 months ago but have never really SPLIT aka NC. For the first 4 months we dated then for a month we had LC, just communicating for the baby. Then a month of going out as a family with our child but we still flirted and for the past month we have been LC although still talking as friends when we visits the baby.
He always used to say that I needed to 'chill out' as I used to pester him about sorting things out. I was doing the whole 'look at me moving on' routine which was going well and I saw my ex starting to mellow.
I went out last night and knew he was likely to be out. I ran into him and was very drunk! My friend saw him first while I was at the toilet and as she said hi he cut her off and immediately asked where I was. When I came back he came over initially talking baby and then being general (he does this a lot, uses the baby to start convo).
I went off dancing near him and could see him looking and having an in depth convo with a friend clearly about me. He came over talking again and I was being flirty. He was a little back but he was sober and I was a mess :/
I asked him to tell me if he had a gf and he said he didn't and maintained that he has slept with no one since the split. I told him was going home and he said he would talk me to a taxi. I made a joke about him not loving me anymore. He said seriously that he does love me and that I knew he did but he didn't want a gf right now.
He seems much more 'mellow' and friendly and that but I just feel like I've made a prat of myself. He spent a good percentage of his time since seeing me with me and left his friends. I don't understand. Why is he being closer to me but maintaining his no gf rule??
We have a child and I still believe there is something there. Its hard to let go when you have a child. I just feel that he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants!
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Old 27th March 2011, 9:43 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss_G View Post
I just feel that he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants!
Sorry, pet, but it sounds like you are very confused and don't know what you want.

You have a bairn at home and you're out pis*ed and dancing and agonizing over every utterance this no-hoper so called 'Dad' makes. Not saying you can't go out and even get a bit tipsy from time to time but - for your baby's sake - please do not try to condone his behaviour. He is useless and does not deserve an ounce of your time right now.

Stop flirting with him. Stop making a t*t of yourself. Only speak to him in a business-like fashion if you HAVE TO regarding the baby (although it doesn't sound like he's done much to deserve any access, at the moment) and start getting strong. Your child does not need lessons like the ones you are currently teaching her. S/he needs to know Mum has a backbone and learn how to grow one for his/herself.

Try reading He's Scared, She's Scared to see if any bells go off about his (and possible your) behaviour.

Good luck and take care.

x
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Old 27th March 2011, 1:13 PM   #3
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Firstly, can I say, I do not go out often so in terms of going out and getting 'pis*ed' and dancing, that to me is justified by the fact that I work and support my son, put him to bed and then may, once a month, spend some time with friends on a Saturday night. I am there with him every morning when he wakes up. One thing I am is a dedicated mum. I'm also only 23 and still want to enjoy myself with friends. I'm sure you weren't criticing my parenting but for the record of anyone reading I do believe I am a good mum and I have his best wishes at heart.
Sorry to launch to a big speech. I'm very passionate about my son and do feel proud of how I have supported him since the split
That said, thank you for your advice. I can appreciate it sounds petty. I think I am holding out for him to change his mind but I do feel stronger. We were together a long time and I think its on natural to pine.
What I struggle to accept is that my son has a broken home. My ex is a good dad and he loves his son. He supports him financially and emotionally and sees him 3 times a week. I find it hard to move on when I still feel there is something there.
That said, I am trying to back off and move on but I am finding parts of it very difficult thanks for replying. It is much appreciated
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