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Finally broke no contact after 3 months like an IDIOT.


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 26th March 2011, 11:54 AM   #1
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Finally broke no contact after 3 months like an IDIOT.

Well, I've given bits and pieces of my story on here. Was madly in love with a guy for 3 years that said he felt the same. Gave me a ring, we were gonna get married. He was god to me. Then he went nuts. He started beating me, spitting in my face, calling me every name in the book, carrying around a knife at all times so that he could "kill me with it" if I kept "getting out of hand". He broke up with me in the most sickening way possible.. basically mind ****ing me into depression, thoughts of suicide...really blew my world apart. I wanted to die.

Kept sending me voicemails all the time (for 3 months) even after I abruptly stopped all contact. How he had messed up, wanted me back, was sorry. All the while however he was off screwing this girl and that girl and getting on with his life. The messages somehow made me feel better. He would cry and just sound really sorry. The last one he sent me pulled at my heart so much (said he'd give up his whole life for just one minute to talk to me) that finally, I answered him back. I sent him a voicemail basically asking him how he could've hurt me so much and treated me so badly after all the memories and great times we had at one time had. How could he have done that? I started crying in my voicemail like an idiot.

I figured that he'd well... i dunno... at least have the balls, the decency... SOMETHING to at least explain to me why why WHY.

Well... you know what he did?

He sent me a sarcastic text the next day saying, "oh well sorry I bothered you. If you don't want to talk to me then...don't."

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!

Well I couldn't! I picked up my damned phone and sent him a voicemail telling him that he was ****ed up in his head and called him a coward that he would not answer my question of WHY WHY WHY.

So ya know what he did? (keep in mind that I had been listening to his crying ass voicemails for 3 months about how he needed me and missed me and would always love me...you know... LIES.)

He sends me a text saying "Ok bitch. What you wanna know. I tell you anything."

I send one back saying that until I knew him I didn't know that people had it in them to be so hateful.

He sent one back saying, " yea i know... i'm cruel. and you were right..i am crazy. i'm a psychopath and really cruel and mean.. you can do better but I wanted to be friends." FRIENDS!! I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF OVER HIM AND HE THINKS I'M GONNA BE HIS FRIEND!

I then asked him if it was true that he had raped this girl like I had heard and he says, "It was not rape." (omg)

He then goes on to tell me how he is no good and a loser and this and that. But if I don't wanta talk to him then fine.

So I say, "Do you even hear yourself right now?"

And he's says, "yep. "

So folks... I did something the next morning that I said I would never do. After 3 months of taking the high road, I stooped to this guy's level and sent him a text that said basically what a douchebag he was. I told him that he should warn future chicks of the inadequacy of his tool so that they wouldn't be shocked when the moment came. I told him that family members should be strictly taken out of the dating pool (yep he did that) and that he should never leave his websites up of women ****ing dogs and sucking them off woof! (yep he did that) so as to not risk further humiliation and finally I told him that at least all of his humiliating shortcomings and douche-baggery at least make for entertaining conversation at band practice. (which is where I heard about the family member sex).

I then blocked him from my phone and filled up my voicemail so he could not text or call again. Ever.

Last night at 2 a.m. I get a call from a different number and of course I figure out that as he used to do, he was probably going to leave me a voicemail about what an ******* I am and how he's layed up in so and so's arms and she's so much better than me.

I have a feeling that for him this is war now.

I am changing my number as soon as I can.

All those months of no contact and him not being able to fully get over me, putting me on a pedestal went straight down the crapper the very moment that I answered his voicemail thinking I could make him feel something...anything... with my reasoning and tears.

If you are thinking of contacting your ex thinking you can say just the right thing to make them feel bad or want you back or because you feel sorry for them that they're not over you or crying to you... well...

DON"T.

JUST DON"T.

I am humiliated. Kicking myself in the ass.

On the other hand, I finally told that son of a bitch what an ******* he was and well... after his latest cruelty... I am finally OVER HIM.

Please someone say anything to make me feel a little less stupid? Pretty please?
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Old 26th March 2011, 12:15 PM   #2
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First of all, he's an abuser. Get as far away from him as you can. Change your phone number, block his emails, etc. Do not give your number to anyone that you think will pass it on to him. He's deeply disturbed.
The sorry I bothered you comment is passive aggressive behavior.
If you think he is going to track you down and be violent with you please report him. Do not play in to his games any further as it will just fuel the fire.
PLEASE watch out for yourself as this person sounds very dangerous.
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Old 26th March 2011, 12:34 PM   #3
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Thanks Dollygirl. I know... I'm kinda worried. Probably another reason I never answered him before. He has a whole arsenal of redneck friends and family to call upon if needed to further **** my life up.

Yea, I forgot... I also sent him a text with the others that asked him straight out why did he beat me and he said " i am not a woman beater. it was just you. the other girls i'm with (ugh throwin it in my face) i don't care for so i don't beat them. you just made me lovesick. i am not a woman beater." Which yes... made me feel YET AGAIN that it was somehow.... someway...my fault.

I've never dealt with an abuser of any kind until him. I know I was lucky to get out but god... the pain of it all.
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Old 26th March 2011, 12:35 PM   #4
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you have to change your number. Or at the very least don't listen to any of his messages.

Please stop doing this to yourself. You are doing this to yourself by going back to him and talking to him, texting him.. whatever.

This man sounds like a freaking mess! Do you want to be a mess like him or do you want to be a better person? You need to get some positive people in your life that will lift you up. You knew he was a douchebag now you got your confirmation again.
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Old 26th March 2011, 12:55 PM   #5
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This man is dangerous...not just on an emotional level but also a physical level, and to be honest...he scares me and Im not even in the picture here.

All that stuff he was saying when you were NC was just to get a reaction out of you and boost his ego...for the gratification that after everything he did to you that he still has a hold on you. He got that...hence the immediate shift from sounding so "desperate" to hear from you to being cruel again.

He knows he can be cruel and youll put up with it...to him the proof is in it that thats the way to get through to you too...you didnt respond when he was pretending to be sweet and need you, but once he got abusive again you kept replying to him.

Cut all contact....say nothing, dont play his game, stoop to his level, antagonize him....nothing. Thats exactly what he wants...youre giving him exactly what he needs...dont give him any of that satisfaction.

This guy is striking me as one of those, if I cant have you no one can, but I dont really want you anyway so Im going to take you out of this world and not give a shiit kind of guys. Like I said, he scares me....big time. Avoid avoid avoid!
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Old 26th March 2011, 5:39 PM   #6
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I agree with the above poster, this guy is dangerous. Please protect yourself, he is emotionally and physically abusive.

Don't beat yourself up over breaking NC. Guys like him a master manipulators and know all the right words to say to get to you. Please learn from it and cut him out of your life for good.

Good luck.
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Old 26th March 2011, 6:26 PM   #7
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i am so glad everyone is on the same page here. i said this before in a previous reply post to your orignal post about this guy and this break up. stay far away from him. now dont egg him on in any way. avoid avoid avoid till he forget all about you and please do the same. forget this dangerous LOSER!!! period. please move forward and find a real good man. not this horrible LOSER
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Old 26th March 2011, 10:21 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.K. View Post

I am humiliated. Kicking myself in the ass.

On the other hand, I finally told that son of a bitch what an ******* he was and well... after his latest cruelty... I am finally OVER HIM.

Please someone say anything to make me feel a little less stupid? Pretty please?
K.K. I for one am very proud of you. I don't think I have ever heard of a worse person here on LS. Taking the high road is fine up to a point, but this guy deserved everything you told hm and then some. Like the other posters here I fear for your safety so I hope this is the end of it. I think in your case breaking no contact was the thing to do as it got you over him. Don't feel humiliated. He is the one you humiliated. Also, good job on changing your number and filling up your voicemail.
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Old 27th March 2011, 7:58 PM   #9
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Well... I changed my phone number today. (I had only had him blocked before) Now there's no way that he will ever be there again. No more waking up in the middle of the night to his picure i.d. staring at me as my phone rang and I was too terrified to answer but at least I knew he was calling. No more of his drunk crying voicemails or the mean ones either. No more random pictures that I'm scared to open because I'm afraid it will be him with another girl sent to me just to rip me in half. No more anything.

All it took was barely even 2 minutes online to erase future history. I watched myself click the button where it says if you proceed there is no way to retrieve your old number. Ever. As soon as I hit it, there was a mixture of relief and oh **** what have I done. Ya know?

I'm feeling not so good right now. Kind of like doom mixed with sadness and... for some reason... a little bit of fear. I'm very uneasy tonight.

Do you know that feeling I'm talking about?

Thank you all. Thanks for being proud of me Frank. I was glad to get it off my chest but after I said all that to him well, I just felt petty and bitter.

I mean... I had it made! 3 months of no contact while he had to at least maybe feel a little bit guilty or something all blown to smitherines because I answered his voicemail. Now he hates me as much as I hate him. And it feels ... well.. strange. This isn't how I wanted it to be.

Man I was home free... why why why did I break the silence. ugh.

I wish tomorrow would come already. I've been having all these horrible thoughts and I seriously feel like ...well..doom is the only way to describe it.
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Old 27th March 2011, 10:02 PM   #10
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This guy is ****ed in the head and you should have changed your number a long time ago. Hell you should have gotten a restraining order. Don't ever let a man lay a hand on you.
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Old 27th March 2011, 10:45 PM   #11
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i am proud that you changed your number. i wish you would change your address. i am going to talk to you like any relative .

1) dont tell anyone, that knows him your new number. sometimes we think we can trust others and then tell someone they trust and bam no more privacy.

2) always tell a good friend you knolw you can trust, or relative where you are going and when you expect to be at home at all times. then follow up with a call.

3) get a restraining order on this guy. he doesn't sound stable and he has a history of hurting you.

4) if you ever see him, don't make eye contact or talk to him. avoid confrontation and walk the other way

5) lock your door and windows during the day and night. do you have neighbors close by?

6) stay away of everything and everyone around you.

be confident and have a good life, but make sure you are out of the woods of this guy. he sounds like a head case.

dont worry if he is with another woman. God help her. pray for her and thank God you are away from him. this is not love its insecurity. try to remember what it says in the bible: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

note: this doesnt MEAN this is how you should treat him. he is not truly in love with you by this standard and doesnt deserve this love from you. give it to someone who will treat you right.

always keep a cell phone on you. lock your car door at night. time to turn over a new leaf and life and find out what true happiness is.


good luck.

do you have a brother or dad to look after you ..check on you? anyway, stay away from getting high. you need your wits about you and you will see things so clearly. good job on N/C before and look forward to N/C in the future : )
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Old 27th March 2011, 10:47 PM   #12
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typo: 6) stay away of everything and everyone around you.

correction : i meant stay AWARE of everything and everyone around you
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