Abrokenman Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 It is of some small comfort that there are countless others going through the same emotional turmoil as myself but ultimately it does not make it any easier, my heart is breaking all over again! I have now been with my girlfriend 'C' for 9 years, we have 2 daughters, one aged 4 and the other only 6 months old. I love my girlfriend & my kids mean everything to me. Now, go back 13 years, I was deeply in love with a girl 'X' , we had been together for two years, then it ended, when it happened she spoke on the phone as though she had never really loved me, she told me it was over, only the day before we had been together, hand in hand, one of the best days. I was so confused, I was told she had started seeing someone else. Because I loved I let her go, I wanted her happiness more than my own. Losing her was the most painful thing that had ever happened to me, my heart broke, everything turned grey, I never saw her again, it took me a long time to get over her, a long time before I started seeing other women. Back to today, a week ago or so I found a request of friendship from 'X' on my favourite social networking site. We started chatting, it turns out the only reason she ended it all those years ago was because someone else had convinced her I was being unfaithful, this I told her was not true. We realised our tragic mistake and it has caused great pain. She now tells me that she cannot stop thinking about me, she tells me that she had always imagined we would be together forever, she tells me she was heartbroken too. We both feel sick thinking of what might have been, she knows I am in a relationship and that I have kids now, but, I cannot stop thinking about her either, all the memories of when we were together are flooding back. There is no way back though, I love my kids & I love my current girlfriend 'C' and even if I didn't I couldn't hurt the children, I don't wish to cause anyone any pain, 'X' says she doesn't want to hurt her husband, but that she has tears in her eyes reading my messages, and that she can't help her feelings for me, our love for each other never really died, we just locked it away. My heart is breaking all over again. Whatever I do, whover I choose causes to much pain, but maybe better that few suffer than many, I just have to try and be happy that we found each other again though we cannot really be together. My advice would be, if you really love someone you should not give up on them easily, you should fight for them with all your heart, sure if you love them you should let them go but only when you are sure they really don't want you. Don't do what we did and let others ruin the purest of loves. A broken man. ....A year later Last year my current partner discovered that I had been chatting to 'x', it really upset her, and I told her I would end communications with 'x' which I did, but told 'x' I would never forget her, she told me the same. I began to re-heal, I don't want to lose 'c' or my kids. About a week ago I had a dream about 'x', the kind that stays with you through the day, it left me feeling haunted and confused, you see I don't really recall dreams, but this one seemed to demanded my attention. I felt I needed to see if 'x' was okay. After resisting the urge to message her I read an old message where she told me she was pregnant, I then found out that a couple of days before my dream she had given birth. I messaged her just a simple 'congratulations!'. The day after I looked for a reply and discovered that her account no longer existed, i imagine her husband deleted it (she told me he is a very jealous man & would check her messages), now the feelings are back again, I want to let go, I don't want to hurt anymore, it's driving me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Denillad Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) I feel ur pain and confusion on many levels but in my opinion I think you should close the door on lady 'x' cause u have family now. I'm curious why u and the mother of ur children aren't married, that may be something to think about. You would be doin to ur family what lady ex 'x' did to u? Is it worth it to u? She is also married. This isn't an easy one cause even if u guys left ur respective partners, ur new relationship isn't gauranteed to work. Be careful. My partner blames me for the demise of our relationship even though I'm the one who chase him after the break up. I'm finally moving on and if our paths cross again I can say I cared enough to chase and it was his decision. He will always have a piece of my heart as he was my first love but I wouldnt do to someone what he did to me. Edited March 16, 2011 by Denillad Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abrokenman Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 That is just it, I have no intention of breaking up my family or hers, I do love my girlfriend & my children, I could not live without my children. I just want the pain to end, I want to get on with my life, care and provide for my family. I think what makes it so hard is the fact that I know she hurts too, and there is something else, all those years ago we discussed how we would name our children if she had a boy or girl, and now she has given her newborn girl the name we always loved, like she said she would. I am happy for her, but now she will never be able to forget me, there is always going to be a reminder of a bond we seem unable to break though I know we must, for there is no way back. We are in a sense grieving the loss of each other. If I wake from another dream of her I fear I will not be able to hide the ache in my heart, it will be obvious to all there is something wrong. People say time heals, but it has been 15 years since we held hands. How do I cope? Link to post Share on other sites
Kic Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 The best way is to continue to cease contact as you are currently doing. It's natural to remember the good times and forget the bad times when you like someone (and vice versa when you don't like someone). Here's are some things to consider that may help you do this: 1. Problem resolution issue (or just plain lying) She did not try to confront you about the cheating accusation those years ago. She instead sought someone else and when she had them lined up she broke up with you. She may have even exaggerated the cheating accusation as an excuse. 2. Passion The passion in your current relationship with C has died down. X is married with a kid now, and the passion in her relationship has died down, too. This happens to everyone as years pass, yet when we feel passion for an old flame or new affair, we tend to forget that this passion for this new person would also die down in the same way. It's a foolish fairytale dream and after people have affairs for the same reason, they eventually wake up. 3. Children You both have children. There are a lot of victims at stake this time around. Hopefully the knowledge that you are on the right track already will help you cope sooner. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abrokenman Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Yes, thank you, you are right of course. I know what is at stake and I will do all I can not to cause anymore hurt. Whether she lied or not is almost irrelevant, the messages she sent me say it all, I know she is feeling this too. I will continue with NC, I will wait for this pain to fade, but in the meantime it would be nice to be hugged and told it will be alright. This sadness is heavy on my heart. If any of you feel like I do for similar reasons, or have some kind words please let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
Kic Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 ...the messages she sent me say it all, I know she is feeling this too. This is passion at work. Stay strong. Again, this passion will fade, regardless of whether you stay the course or have an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
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