RomoGuy Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Hey, for those of you who don't know my story, my ex which I dated for 6 months that told me I am "the love of her life" and "the man of her dreams" left me out of the blue 75 days ago. She initiated no contact immediately after the breakup and I have not heard from her since. Ive went through all types of stages... from "she is stupid for leaving me", being angry and even "LOL, she is suppose to upgrade not downgrade" (referring to her new bf I found out about through a friend). I have gotten to the point where I have no hard feelings what so ever toward her for leaving, for the lame reasons she came up with during the break up and for having a new bf almost immediately after the break up. Ive realized that non of her actions are any of my concerns after the breakup. She is not my woman but I wish her the best! I do however feel sorry for her. I hope she doesn't feel guilty for leaving me, but at the same time I don't want her to contact me just to take some of her guilt away... I miss the relationship we had, but I'm at the point where I just miss our friendship more that anything. I lost not only my best friend but the girl I loved. Seems like Im having a harder time letting go of the friendship aspect of everything. Just not sure if the relationship and friendship went hand in hand. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Great post mate, appreciate reading that. In some ways I feel the same as me and the ex just used to get along so well - just chatting and laughing and she was a friend before she became anything more. In some ways I regretted taking it further and I always tried to get it back to being just a friendship, but with recent events I know I can't - it hurts to much so I've had to say goodbye and initiate full no contact... which hurts so much. I do wonder so many times how things might've been if we'd just kept it friendly, but I guess you never really chose who you fall in love with... Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) Hi so sorry for your pain. I too am getting through a breakup. Am about 8 months out and feeling better all the time. Am at the point where I can fake it tell i make it.(as they say) And you well reach this point too I promise.Its the point where the breakup is still there and all. But its like you've moved it over just a little to the point where it is no longer a full open wound. Honestly you guys really werent together that long, seems like it might be a little easier to move on. But i dont know? Love is Love. Ive seem your picture, your not a bad looking man, When your done with the heart ache of this, so find your self another girlfriend..I know, not as easy as it sounds huh? hang in there..it gets better...time will heal you want it to or not.... Edited March 15, 2011 by stopthemadness Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Thanks for this Romo. I read alot of your posts and I see a very cool, calm, collected guy...exactly what I hope to be at a couple more months down the line. My ex too got into a relationship with a new guy a few weeks to a month after we ended out year and a half relationship, at first it came as such a shock to me...like, how could she? Anger, pain, regret... Been NC for 40 some days now and I think I'm at that point too where I have no hard feelings towards her about jumping into a new relationship so quick. Feels good... I think as dumpees it makes us stronger and above our ex's...they left us and jumped right into a new relationship, as far as I know they're still on the same level while we're on our own, much higher level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Thanks for the replies, Layzie89 it really does feel good when you let go of any hard feelings or hate toward our exes. That is what I think is what has helped me the most. Forgiving her for anything and everything negative she has caused toward me. As I expect her to do the same toward me. I notice myself taking a HUGE step emotionally in becoming and even greater man than I was before her after forgiving her and respecting her decision to break up with me and go no contact. So what if we think they did us wrong, or even if they actually did do us wrong. If you don't forgive them, your holding on, IMO. I miss her as a person more than anything. I know in time I will be with someone just as great as her or greater (if not her)... someone that will be my best friend and my lover. Someone that will be in it 100% during not only the "ups" but the "downs" also. I was just so stressed and worried after the breakup. Worried about me and her. But I realized as I'm letting go, I'm not worried about her anymore. It is such a relief knowing it's just me I have to worry about because there is no more "us". It was sooo exhausting worrying all the time. I only have to worry about me and my own happiness Link to post Share on other sites
Owz600 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I am finding the friendship side of it hard also. Lost my best friend who I shared everything with for 3 years, I miss our chats and our little special occasions that people do often such as getting a dominoes/cinema but it's so much different when your doing it with the one your love. Both me and my ex went straight into NC after the break up, haven't heard a word off her and don't expect I ever will. I am letting go and moving on even though it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomoGuy Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Yea, I know what you mean Owz, Im just afraid that the friendship and the relationship went hand in hand, so I don't even know if I could ever have the friendship side of it I miss. I also forgot to add that I not only forgave her, but I forgave myself... Immediately after the breakup, she made me feel like the breakup was my fault, even though I didnt do anything to cause it. So don't forget, forgive yourself and forgive them. I still love her to death. I know us dumpees feel at one point that we were back stabbed and betrayed. Which maby some of us were. But when we say "I loved them until she broke my heart" I think its just a stage... If you unlove someone that quick, you never loved them to begin with In my opinion. They believed that their lives are better, unfortunately, without us in them. I think the biggest thing is ACCEPTING the things the way they are. I accept she left me to pursue a new path. Doesn't mean I don't love her anymore. And faking that you don't will catch up to you, maby when they call you, bump into them or whatever. "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." This made no sense to me after the breakup... Today it makes soooo much sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Hey, for those of you who don't know my story, my ex which I dated for 6 months that told me I am "the love of her life" and "the man of her dreams" left me out of the blue 75 days ago. She initiated no contact immediately after the breakup and I have not heard from her since. Ive went through all types of stages... from "she is stupid for leaving me", being angry and even "LOL, she is suppose to upgrade not downgrade" (referring to her new bf I found out about through a friend). I have gotten to the point where I have no hard feelings what so ever toward her for leaving, for the lame reasons she came up with during the break up and for having a new bf almost immediately after the break up. Ive realized that non of her actions are any of my concerns after the breakup. She is not my woman but I wish her the best! I do however feel sorry for her. I hope she doesn't feel guilty for leaving me, but at the same time I don't want her to contact me just to take some of her guilt away... I miss the relationship we had, but I'm at the point where I just miss our friendship more that anything. I lost not only my best friend but the girl I loved. Seems like Im having a harder time letting go of the friendship aspect of everything. Just not sure if the relationship and friendship went hand in hand. I've been there. It is hard to go from being important or valued even as a friend to nothingness or what seems like blatant disrespect/disregard as though you don't matter. The companionship of a relationship is not the same as a normal friendship. Relationships naturally come with romance and companionship and when you lose that....your mind plays tricks on you to make you believe you can be 'friends" minus romance. But nope....that friendship was the romantic companionship. Regular friendships are not formed in that way so it is impossible to be friends with an ex soon after the breakup and have it function int he true sense of friendship. The great part is that, when you go through that process of letting go, and healing you see the truth and often that desire or pining for "friendship" dissipates too. Both of my last exes I valued as people and thought I would want to be close friends with "even if it wasn't romantic". The first one, we didn't speak for a year before we re-established contact and we email every now and again and are cool and update each other on important stuff but certainly we aren't bestfriends...but it works. The most recent ex, we broke up 2 years ago with a lot of back and forth/fake reconciliation in between and now we don't speak at all, and the great thing is I no longer miss him and I no longer desire friendship. I feel completely fine with us never being friends. Sooo yea....all those feelings work themselves out with time and usually it gets to a point of indifference! Link to post Share on other sites
turokturok5 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 i know how you feel hey. Im starting to let go, because i realised i didn't like the relationship i had with this girl, she wasn't a very good girlfriend, never wanted to do things alone, it always had to be in a group and i got dumped for wanting to see her more than once a week and do things together rather than in a group. I don't want her back because of the way shes been treating me post-break-up, but miss the friendship we had before the relationship, i guess its something you just have to live with. Link to post Share on other sites
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