J0N Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 How long after your breakup (especially dumpees) did it take you to: 1. Get over it (to the point of indifference) 2. Feel ready enough to date again? I went on a date last weekend with somebody I met online and I realized that I am nowhere near ready enough to start dating again. The whole time I was with this girl I just wanted to leave, I have been on other, better dates though with girls I liked. However at this time I feel that I am simply not over my ex enough to start anything new yet. I am not opposed to going out with new girls, but I think that it would be in my best interest to fly solo for a while. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Well it's good that you realize that you don't want to use somebody else as a rebound to get over your ex. I had been making good progress and then had a major regression the last couple of weeks. I think it's because I finally let go of the tiny piece of hope that I had been hanging on to. Hope during a fresh breakup is a coping tool, but it's not a long-term healing tool. And I realize I had to let it go. And the PAIN! Almost as bad as right after the breakup. It's been five months for me and I realize that I am still too hung up on my ex. But we owe it ourselves to get ourselves healed so that we'll be ready when the next one comes along. We want to be able to give that person our full attention instead of letting it pass us by because we're hung up on the ex. I think what happens is that as time goes on, the quality of your dates will improve because your grief lessens and your ability to focus on your date and make a connection improves. Fresh out of your breakup you may be hearing what they have to say at the dinner table but you're not really listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I'm about seven months out and not yet over it. I just learned that she's got a new boyfriend now, and that set me back a bit. As for dating, I've been on a few and they weren't all that great. Some were ok. Some would have been bad on their own merits. Some made me miss her like crazy. But I do have this to say about it... I believe that when the right person comes along I will be ready for a relationship again. But it has to be the RIGHT person. I can see myself happy with someone else now, but like the song says, I just haven't met her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
MissVegas Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 3 months in and i'm still devastated but i think i will stop obsessing when i start going out with someone else and dating and i found out my ex started dating so I'm going to try dating tonight i'll let you know my experience Link to post Share on other sites
radrluv72 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 How long after your breakup (especially dumpees) did it take you to: 1. Get over it (to the point of indifference) 2. Feel ready enough to date again? I went on a date last weekend with somebody I met online and I realized that I am nowhere near ready enough to start dating again. The whole time I was with this girl I just wanted to leave, I have been on other, better dates though with girls I liked. However at this time I feel that I am simply not over my ex enough to start anything new yet. I am not opposed to going out with new girls, but I think that it would be in my best interest to fly solo for a while. Thoughts? My indifference actually occurred for a couple of days this weekend. I found out that my ex is active on the personals again, clearly talking to someone new given how active he's been, and I finally got good & fed up with trying to not hate him. So I spent a couple of days with a "I don't give a damn anymore" attitude. I know full well that whoever he's landed his sights on is going to be his target as the girl he gets his rocks off with when he comes home from Afghanistan next month, and I feel sorry for her. But today, I woke up feeling sad again. I think I may have dreamt about him, but I couldn't tell you what it was about. Despite what brought it on, I know I've still got a ways to go before I'm genuinely indifferent. Oh, and I'm on day 73 of NC...dumpee here. As far as dating again, I've been trolling the personals myself for the past 3 months, but I keep comparing everyone to my ex. I would love to meet someone new. But considering that my ex was everything that I had been looking for and more, and I still lost him...I've been feeling somewhat hopeless. He was my prince. I feel like someone turned my "light" out...I don't know that I'll be ready to date again until I find a way to turn it back on. I've always found that flying solo for a while after a relationship ends is a good thing, but this is the first time I've had difficulty with it. I can't date anyone new, but I'm tired of feeling alone & sad. I'm so....stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 About four months... but then we got back together... and history repeated itself... About dating, I am able to date the following day after a break up... in fact, after the first break up I was really into a couple of girls when my ex came back... do you see the relation there? Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I'm at a point now where I'm accepting enough of the situation that I believe I'm ready to date, but definitely still feeling the disappointment. Technically we broke up 5 months ago though it's more like 3. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 How long after your breakup (especially dumpees) did it take you to: 1. Get over it (to the point of indifference) 2. Feel ready enough to date again? 1) It's been nearly 8 months for me since the break.... 7 months complete NC. Every night have still have trouble sleeping because she isn't laying next to me. I wake up every morning and I still wish she was around. It is like she died... 2) I have tried dating several times but everytime I go out, I feel nothing and I just not into it. Another problem is my self confidence took a hit and so I don't think the women I'd like to date will like me anyway -- I don't even try. I've got a good job, nice car, and lots of money saved up. All of that and I still feel miserable. Hopefully I'm still not feeling this way after another 7 months. Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
petal11 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 i realised today that its 10 weeks since i last saw him/ 2 months since the breakup he aleady has someone new and is planing to live with her.. i registered with a couple of sites 2 weeks ago and have chatted to a couple of people online in other states.. i am going to et out there and meet someone local next week.. at least that's the plan. not sure how i will feel really....am certainly not ready for a relationship and am not contemplating anything more than a coffee. I hope i will meet a new friend to go to the movies with as a friend.. aargh this stuff is so hard i havent been ona date for 8 years.. will post if i go next week Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I'm still at the point in thinking my ex is the hottest girl ever, once that subsides I'll be fine. Been here before so I know in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I'm still at the point in thinking my ex is the hottest girl ever I'm at that point. Especially as she's lost about 35lbs lately having joined a gym. Annoying we work at the same place (although in different wings on the building) so I do occasionally see her about so can see how she's looking. I'm only 6 weeks out and I'm still yet to go NC as all the loose ends are providing tricky so I know i'm nowhere near over it yet. I registered with a dating site as a knee jerk reaction but knew it was a mistake straight away. Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Hi JOn, first let me say that you've come along way sence your breakup. As far as being ready to date again. You have to reach the piont of FULL acceptance with the past breakup to be ready to date. I dont think am 100% over my breakup. maybe 75% but you know what? am soo ready to be over it!! Its like my brain just cant process this anymore. As you know am 8 months out. And my "friend" well..now that am feeling better(my heart ache) Ive taking another look at that. hes a really nice man and he likes me..I think I might like him too..but its like half of me isnt ready yet. So were are taking it slow and thats all i can handle for now. So hang in there, your doing great!! Time will heal your broken heart but you have to let it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J0N Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Yes, I do feel like I've come a long way since my breakup. I am so ready to just turn the page. I've been on a couple pretty good dates and a few bad ones. I did just blow away my online dating profile, I just think that it is an unnatural way to meet somebody. I only went out with one girl, but it was scary awkward and it actually made me feel really uncomfortable. I like that girl that my friends set me up with, and we had A TON of fun when we went out. I have recently learned that about a year ago she also had a big BLOWOUT breakup with her old boyfriend. So I think I am just going to leave that one idle for a while until we both move forward enough. Then I might give it another shot. So for now, maybe 6 months or so. I am going to give up on dating, unless something really great comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 How long after your breakup (especially dumpees) did it take you to: 1. Get over it (to the point of indifference) 1 year and 10 months to be completely over it 2. Feel ready enough to date again? I went on a date a couple months after, wasn't ready. I fake-liked other men within that period, which means I was fond of them but compared them to my ex and didn't seriously like them and knew I would never date them seriously. This past January was the first in that time that I truly liked someone else whom I don't compare to the ex and have "giddy" feelings for I went on a date last weekend with somebody I met online and I realized that I am nowhere near ready enough to start dating again. The whole time I was with this girl I just wanted to leave, I have been on other, better dates though with girls I liked. However at this time I feel that I am simply not over my ex enough to start anything new yet. I am not opposed to going out with new girls, but I think that it would be in my best interest to fly solo for a while. Thoughts? 1. Get over it (to the point of indifference) 1 year and 10 months to be completely over it, which included him having rebounds and us not speaking for months then him breaking up with them and resurfacing and us trying to reconcile and him running off...until the final straw was last spring to summer when he claimed he wanted reconciliation and ran off again. Pretty much I last spoke to him last June and haven't since and it was the fork in the road that summer day where it grew dimmer and dimmer each day and then on New Year's it was literally a fresh start where indifference came upon me. I felt like I would be over him for good this year but expected it would be about 3 months into the year or it would require a talk or an apology from him...but nopes...I just woke up indifferent and then met someone else and now I 100% do not care for the ex like that and have no desire to get back together (the thought now seems insane to me ) and don't care if we're friends. I wish him no harm and can look back on the good times but I truly am over it and don't think it was "meant to be" and am 100% fine to move forward with someone else. 2. Feel ready enough to date again? I went on a date a couple months after, wasn't ready. I fake-liked other men within that period, which means I was fond of them but compared them to my ex and didn't seriously like them and knew I would never date them seriously. This past January was the first in that time that I truly liked someone else whom I don't compare to the ex and have "giddy" feelings for Yes you should fly solo if you feel this way. You heal when you heal and it is better for you and everyone else to just chill out and not date seriously until you're ready. The truth is, that for me, being single this entire time post-ex was not as bad. Yes ofcourse sometimes I wanted companionship and romance but for the most part I had so much self-work and other things to do in life and knew what I wanted that going out and seeking men stopped being a concern to me...and the guy I am currently interested in, it just "happened" seemingly overnight and made me realize I was ready. I'd suggest chilling until you meet that person that does make you feel ready, that you do like as much as you liked your ex or more versus faking it with people you don't like as much Link to post Share on other sites
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