Hard getting the level of contact right? (child involved)

[stop_the_lies]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268300/

 

That basically outlines the breakup.

 

My current issue is that I have my son overnight one night at weekends, and because I have a random week schedule I text my ex if I want to see him. I keep the texts very short and steer clear of questions unless they are about our son.

 

When I go to pick him up, drop him off, I don't speak much to her at all, but don't show it to our son and act proper happy, which is genuine because I'm dealing with him

 

But she has mentioned by text that she wishes things could go back to how they were before, because after sleeping with her on friday night (her mum had our son and she came round mine after, I dropped her back in the morning and returned directly to NC (except our son).

 

I didn't respond, or mention it when at her door.

 

Is this the right way to do it? I can't be arsed with talking to her on any level because of how much she lies! She made a huge web of deceipt and is now stranded in the middle of it!

 

I'm not happy with our relationship ending so quickly and suddenly so she could pursue a line of work that is having a massive effect on our son. Should I still talk to her like nothings happened like she wants? LOL it sounds silly even typing it!

 

It is difficult when you have a child though, I know I could do this with much greater ease if I didn't have the constant trickle of contact and even seeing her!

[Miss_G]

I am in a similar situation to you. I have a LC diary on here which documentates some of my split. My past posts also do. I have an 18m old with my ex. We had a great relationship that too was ruined by PND. I was the one who made the initial break but soon changed my mind by which point ex admitted he was unhappy and wanted to split. It was uncharacteric for him and believe he was being 'led' on taking control of whatever.

Anyway, I'm in LC with him and have been for a week and have already noticed a difference since stopping family days out.

His texts are friendlier, longer with questions off topic of our son. He has called me to discuss arrangements and diverted conversation and spent 20 mins talking on my doorstep. My impression is that he is lonely as I believe your ex is or is entering.

If you want her back, loneliness is a good sign. My advice to you, as what I am doing, is keep an open mind and continue LC. If you want her back that door needs to be ajar but don't be shutting it all together. And certainly open others. Move on with YOURSELF and become better for you and if she comes back then great. For that relationship to work something has to change so don't be afraid of it.

As a mum I would say lap dancing is a bad idea for your son but your ex sounds to be going 'off the rails' slightly and probably needs your stability but won't work for it. Be friendly when she makes an effort but no sleeping together! Just keep moving on.