Fern Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I no longer cry over him, ever. I have no urge to contact him, ever. I feel happier and more content than I did when I was with him. I have realised I don't actually want or need him in my life. I don't hate him but I also don't want to be his friend. I don't think about him all the time and when I do, it doesn't cause me pain. I feel sorry for him and for his new girl - they are broken people destined to make the same mistakes over and over again because they don't know how to be happy alone. I am doing really well in my career. My social life is thriving. I have quite a few other guys interested in me (though I'm not interested yet in anyone) and I'm flabberghasted that I allowed him to make me feel so unattractive for so long. I've learnt so many lessons about myself and about relationships and about life that I can't regret the split. However much I still regret the way it happened. I'm not yet at the stage where I can truthfully say it was 'the best thing that ever happened me' - the memory of the pain it caused is still too raw, but I can see that point looming in the not too distant future. The way he treated me shattered my ego into a million little pieces but it taught me how to avoid that ever happening again - don't let one person become the arbiter of how you see yourself. I let myself forget how cool and funny and smart and sexy and moral (but not modest lol) I actually am. I lost myself in him and it has only taken me 7 months to find the woman I knew I was again. I'm proud of that. If you had told me 5 months ago - when I was having panic attacks and breaking down crying in work EVERY DAY, or even two months ago when I was obsessing over how well his new relationship was going and crying at least once a week - that I'd be feeling THIS good right now, I'd have thought you were mad. Stay away from them. Stay strong. Be dignified. BE POSITIVE. No negative self-talk. Let time and distance do its job. You WILL get through this. What happened is not a reflection of your worth - you ARE an amazing person. The simple fact that you are feeling so bad about this right now shows that you have a depth and a willingness to commit that they obviously lack. You WILL be the winner in this eventually. It is your exes loss. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Great post Fern! I'm already a bit over 4 months (NC) myself, I'm not 100% there yet. But I've definitely gotten stronger and I've made strides forward. I've been out on some dates, not sure I'm ready for anything new yet but I'll get there someday. Glad to hear your doing well. Posts like this are inspiring & uplifting! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I'm glad to hear that. I was making some good progress but regressed lately. Sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Whatshername Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Your post was very inspiring. i am quite happy for you. I understand what it means to find out who you really are. I too lost myself in my marriage, and then after the divorce I didn't take the time, like you did, and got lost in a relationship again. I am far from being where you are, but have kept NC for 3 weeks, and am not dwelling on him, and do my best to shove the thoughts out that do come. I am exercising, eating healthier, and spending more time with family. The right man will cherish you for who you are, not make you feel like there is something that is amiss, or needs to be fixed or changed to suit him. If we meet someone like that, our red flags will go up so fast, that he will get poked in the eye! Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 When I see 7 months, I see 210 days NC?!!?!?! Damn, I'm on day 41, making good progress in my opinion. I can't wait til I get to 7 months to see where I'm at. I hope I'll be where you're at! We need more posts like this, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Stay away from them. Stay strong. Be dignified. BE POSITIVE. No negative self-talk. Let time and distance do its job. You WILL get through this. What happened is not a reflection of your worth - you ARE an amazing person. The simple fact that you are feeling so bad about this right now shows that you have a depth and a willingness to commit that they obviously lack. You WILL be the winner in this eventually. It is your exes loss. Giiiirrrll... I love it. Rinse, lather, repeat! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I really needed to see this today! Thank you!! Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 ... and I'm still a wreck and depressed. I miss my ex so much yet I will not contact her ever again because I know that if I do it will just be more rejection. Right after the breakup I turned into a man whore and got with 3 women immediately, but those women have gone their own ways and now I've found myself with a lack of friends. I feel so alone and do not know what to do with my life. My career is going well and I have money to do pretty much anything I want, but I just don't know what to do. I think I might go snowboarding tomorrow, but I will be going alone, just like I do everything else these days.... alone. When does the pining stop? Depressed, Jeff at 7 Months NC Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 ... and I'm still a wreck and depressed. I miss my ex so much yet I will not contact her ever again because I know that if I do it will just be more rejection. Right after the breakup I turned into a man whore and got with 3 women immediately, but those women have gone their own ways and now I've found myself with a lack of friends. I feel so alone and do not know what to do with my life. My career is going well and I have money to do pretty much anything I want, but I just don't know what to do. I think I might go snowboarding tomorrow, but I will be going alone, just like I do everything else these days.... alone. When does the pining stop? Depressed, Jeff at 7 Months NC Jeff, did you have a falling out with your friends? Even if they're out-of-state, you said you have money to do whatever you want, so can you make arrangements to fly out and visit? Are there networking opportunities at work? Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I no longer cry over him, ever. I have no urge to contact him, ever. I feel happier and more content than I did when I was with him. I have realised I don't actually want or need him in my life. You WILL be the winner in this eventually. It is your exes loss. Hey Fern! great to see your thread! I'm so proud of you, when I first started coming on here three months ago you were definitely in a different place. I can't wait to get there but I'm making good progress!! Good stuff is definitely round the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fern Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 ... and I'm still a wreck and depressed. I miss my ex so much yet I will not contact her ever again because I know that if I do it will just be more rejection. Right after the breakup I turned into a man whore and got with 3 women immediately, but those women have gone their own ways and now I've found myself with a lack of friends. I feel so alone and do not know what to do with my life. My career is going well and I have money to do pretty much anything I want, but I just don't know what to do. I think I might go snowboarding tomorrow, but I will be going alone, just like I do everything else these days.... alone. When does the pining stop? Depressed, Jeff at 7 Months NC You need to make some friends, Jeff! I could never have gotten through this without mine. You're just lonely and you're mistaking wanting companionship with wanting your ex. There are better, funnier, nicer and more fun people out there than your ex. Spend some time with some of them. NOT romantically, just friends. Is there a snowboarding club or group you could join? Maybe sign up to train to teach it or something? FIND SOME FRIENDS! You'll start feeling a million times better immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fern Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 Hey Fern! great to see your thread! I'm so proud of you, when I first started coming on here three months ago you were definitely in a different place. I can't wait to get there but I'm making good progress!! Good stuff is definitely round the corner. Thanks, Rose! I really do feel like a different person. This breakup taught me I can not only survive without a significant other, I can THRIVE. It has put me in a much stronger position for the next time. I'll never put up with bad treatment again. With my ex I was so terrified to lose him I let him use and abuse me. It's a lesson I'm really grateful to have finally learned. You're doing amazingly too. Though you've been incredibly strong and logical about your breakup from the start. I remember the first post of yours I ever read I thought you seemed REALLY together at such an early stage. I knew you were going to rock at healing from it. We rock and our exes are absolutely going to regret losing us for the rest of their LIVES. We'll be 'The Ones That Got Away'. I have no doubt of that. Link to post Share on other sites
screwball Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Yay go Fern! Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) Wow!!loved reading your post. It was like I could have written it my self. Am 8 months out of Breakup but only just short of 2 months of N/C. I let him string me along for a while (it was very sad). But am so much better now. i feel all the stuff that you wrote about!!! Ive found my happy again too. Ya from time to time i miss him. He has smone new now, for a few months. BUt it passes very fast..i dont cry anymore. Iam closer with my family and friends more now then i ever was ands its awesome..soo ya thanks for the post couldnt have said it better my self...And I too will always be the one that got away!! Edited March 12, 2011 by stopthemadness Link to post Share on other sites
kourtney01 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 I loved your post! Really needed to see this today! It's been 3 weeks since the break-up and even though I'm the dumper not the dumpee, I'm still in a very bad place. Mainly because I had no choice but to dump him after he cheated on me...(with multiple women) It's very inspiring to read your post... looking forward to achieving the same inner peace you have reached at 7 months NC. Keep up the good work! Link to post Share on other sites
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