To All Dumpers Out Of A Long Term Relationship

[brokendreamz]

Quick question and I'm sure if I looked hard enough I'd find it in another thread, but I haven't got all day!!

 

So...

 

When you did the dumping, did you think about them much afterwards? I'm 2 months out with 11 days NC and it's driving me mental - All I want to know is wether she's thinking about me and how much - I mean, I know she won't be pining after me like I am her but it would be good to know I register somewhere in her consciousness!

 

How long did you think about your ex for? was there any point at which you thought you'd ask them back, or any point at which you thought you'd ask them back but talked yourself out of it.

 

Any answers greatly appreciated!

[stopthemadness]

You dumped her? and now you miss her? I was the dumpee and took it kinda hard. Seems to me that if you dumped her. You should be doing ok...Right? Unless she cheated on you or smthing...

[brokendreamz]

Nope - I'm the dumpee! She dropped the bomb a couple of months ago. Sucks huh! Just want to know that she isn't the cold hearted girl she's coming across as. I miss her SOOOOOOOO much, just wondered if anyone out there who did the dumping has any feelings towards their ex?

[stopthemadness]

I bet they do think of us every now and then. But really who cares!! Thats what you need to start thinking too. WHO CARES!!! And the only time I ever pinned for an ex i dumped was when it didnt work out with who i dumped them for. Hey, am just being real..

[voels]

She has dumped you in her mind a few months before the actual dumping took place. She's probably doesn't care much now.

[timchambo]

well based of what my ex of over 7 years said, she was thinking of me every day. But I'm sure its not the way we wanted them to think of us. Was more like what are they up to? Chances are if this was out of the blue for some flaky reasons, there is some other guy in the picture. With new guy in the picture the stronger their new RL is, the less they thinking of us. That was my case.

 

My friend dumped his girl of 7 years to try out a new girl. After a few months old GF texts him and they start hanging again. He bounces between the girls every few months but eventually realizes his heart is with original girl. Before he can officially split with new girl old girl says you waited too long to come back, forget it, so he stays with new GF. New GF needs a break about 6 months later. This destroyed my friend he was overcome with regret. both options were gone now. I can still picture the tears down his face to this day. Eventually new GF came back and old GF unhappily marries her rebound. the end. everyone lost in this case. He admits to this day that is his biggest regret was leaving his original GF.

 

That is just 1 case. Everyone says when girls are done they are done. I don't care who makes the rules, everyone is different. I think if there is any common theme here it is that most women are more emotional and wouldn't allow themselves to ever admit the regret as they would be overrun with guilt. I have never had a problem admitting to mistakes and taking my lumps. I prefer learn from my mistakes. You can't go on thinking after X amount of days she will be over you. Consider her over you now.

 

Never been a better day to start planning world domination. Your a free man! Only thing in your way is me.

[Renard99]

She has dumped you in her mind a few months before the actual dumping took place. She's probably doesn't care much now.

 

Voels' right. Well in my case anyway. I've had to meet her a couple of times to get a few loose ends tied up and each time it's been very clear that's she's totally moved on. She's had many months to think it over in her head. Mine had from at least October (the first sign on a red flag) until she ended it in late January to get it straight and come to terms with it in her head.

I asked a close mutual friend a very similar question to the one Brokendreamz asked at the start of this thread, and, she told me that my ex hadn't spoken about me at all, she'd never called on friends for support, she'd never seemed upset and is launching herself into her future with a big smile on her face. I'm hearing this from multiple sources, and what I've seen as well, so I don't think it's a lie either. Hearing it devastated me as, being the dumpee, I'd love to have her back. It also set me back a bit because I thought to myself 'How can nearly 8 years mean so little to her', but, the honesty of this friend, when she said that I have absolutely no chance of reconciliation with me ex as she's not looking back at all did help me realise that the hope is gone and therefore not dwell on it. Unfortunately, whilst my head knows that, it's my heart that's not listening!

[ConfusedGuy23]

To the Op,

 

I ended a 4 and a half year relationship in October last year. After a few weeks i started to regret it, but as I had issues I needed to work on I did not ask her to take me back right away. After about 3 months of Low Contact I really wanted her back, i still do.

 

I asked her to take me back about a month and a half ago but it looks like she has moved on. She is with someone else now and even though i don't want it to work out, i do wish her well.

 

As for your question, i think about her all the time. I miss her terribly. Every morning and every night. I still love her very much.

[Thatguyintx]

For me, I still think about her all the time. I called off our 2 year relationship about 6 months ago due to feeling smothered by her. All along I thought we would find compromise and work it out. She couldn't do it.

 

Although I think about her all the time and still love her deeply, I know I made the right decision.

 

So, yes, I do think the dumpers think about the ones they left.

[screwball]

How long did you think about your ex for? was there any point at which you thought you'd ask them back, or any point at which you thought you'd ask them back but talked yourself out of it.

 

My ex, who left me, thought of me a lot and still does. I ended up in a cycle of her coming back and then leaving again for a couple months after she left the first time. Her mind told her that I wasn't right for her long term, but her heart didn't agree.

 

Long after the breakup we started getting together to hang out every once in a while. From the conversation, it sounded like she was reminded of me a lot and in a fine way. Mostly just little quirks of mine that she finds cute. Occasionally she is reminded of us being together and tears up a bit. I know that she loved me deeply and is sad to see the relationship over (and it's been over for a long time now), but that doesn't mean that she thinks we should get back together.

[bslchump]

I have a question related to this thread; my girlfriend dumped me a few months ago and we've had to be LC until I can move out (soon! hurray!). She was already starting things with a new guy and told me she didn't feel the same way about me (after 6 years and many commitments).

 

I haven't broached the subject of getting back together in roughly 2 months, since I don't want to be back with a liar and a cheat. But in the past month or so she's been stopping by the apartment to get things of hers. The past few times she's tried to hang out with me when she's over here, but I completely stone-wall her attempts. She's cried a good number of times when she sees me and I'm not buddy-buddy with her. She even told me that she was staying so long because she wanted to spend time with me and talk to me, and that she thought I had wanted to see her (I have NEVER given that impression, even though I do want to). The last time she was over, she even tried to hug me before she left and I refused it. She was crying the whole time.

 

What gives? As far as I know, things are still chugging along with her and the new guy, though admittedly I haven't been in a position to hear ANYTHING about them in roughly 2 months. She has never said she wants to get back together, so is she just screwing with me? Trying to assuage her own guilt? It's driving me nuts.